Obama Tours White House, McCain Senate

At the same time that President-elect Barack Obama was taking his first tour of the White House with President George W. Bush yesterday, Senator John McCain was being taken on a tour of the United States Senate. Senator McCain has cast exactly one vote since April 8th, when he voted on the bailout bill last month.

"There's no truth to the rumor that Senator McCain can no longer find his own office," said his longtime friend and campaign supporter Lindsey Graham. "Taking the Senator on a tour of the Senate is a refresher course at most."

Of particular interest to Senator McCain is the seat that he once occupied until early April that the Republican caucus had painted black.

"Yeah, yeah, Goldwater, McCain. I get it," said the reddening successor to Barry Goldwater as he flashed an awkward smile.

McCain's GOP colleagues then let him vote on a minor bill that allocated a half a million dollar research grant on the mating habits of the tse tse fly just to mainstream him back into the legislative process. After saying "Aye!" when his name was called, McCain forcefully exhaled with relief as Graham, Joe Lieberman and John Warner applauded.

"Apparently, McCain has gotten over his phobia of earmarks, starting with Sarah Palin's wardrobe," grumbled Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

This is not an unheard of tradition, explained the Republican caucus, as tourists are commonly allowed to vote on pieces of legislation. Recent examples of bills voted on by Washington, DC tourists is the bill to keep Terri Schiavo alive, the 2005 bankruptcy bill and the FISA extension that gave retroactive immunity to the telecoms.

McCain then asked where the late House Speaker Tip O'Neill was and if he was still Emperor of the Senate.