Friday, February 13, 2009

Republicans Are Cocksuckers

If the stimulus bill passed in the House today was a cock, John Boehner would've sucked it. Because, really, that's what Republicans are, suckers o' cock, saying "Fuck You" while wiping their two or three chins of penis butter with torn swatches of the Constitution. They are cocksuckers not in the loving, committed way in which gay men in Provincetown or the Castro practice their cocksuckery but in a brutal, toothy backstroke without saliva kinda way.

176. That's the exact number of pink cigar smokers we have in the House of Representatives, hereafter referred to as Boehner's House O' Boners. Once again, every single Republican marched in lockstep over the sheer cliff face and decided to vote against the $787 billion stimulus measure, as if calling it a "spending" bill was supposed to suddenly wake up all but seven Democrats and make them say, "Holy Stimulus, Batman! Boner's right! It is a spending bill! We weren't supposed to spend a single penny on this fucking bill! Quick, get me a cock to suck!"

It didn't matter that the President of the United States of America stood up earlier this week at his maiden press conference and patiently explained, "Well, duh, of course one has to spend money to make money. Every fucking kid who's ever manned a lemonade stand for an hour can tell you that. Can someone please bitchslap some sense into these cocksucker Republicans the minute they take a cock out of their mouths? We wouldn't want any ripped genitalia..."

And they got just about everything they wanted. They got their tax breaks for upper middle income to wealthy cocksuckers, they got their tax breaks for people who bought motorcycles and ATV's, they got $13 billion freed up for Pentagon contract procurement so they could continue handing out $35 million contracts to outfits like Kellogg, Brown and Root to in turn continue their proud tradition of electrocuting our troops.

Then, to show they still had their groove, the House GOP and all but three Republican senators pushed America on its back and sucked our collective cock then, instead of swallowing, spit the spooge in our faces.

It still hasn't occurred to these cocksuckers that tax cuts don't provide infrastructure renewal. Obviously, they weren't listening a couple of weeks ago when Barney Frank, a true, open, professional cocksucker of the first magnitude, said that he never saw a tax cut that rebuilt a road or a bridge, created a job or educated a child.

And yet, despite the concessions that the Democrats made, trimming billions from school rebuilding and things too infuriating to contemplate, all 176 Republicans to a man dropped down on their scabby knees and proceeded to gnosh the national knob. Because that's all they are. That's all they do. That's all they know. They're cocksuckers and not the kind that smells nice and knows how to tie together a room with a single rug.


At February 13, 2009 at 8:24 PM, Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

'bout sums it up yo.

i think the problem that republican cocksuckers have is that they do their cocksucking so furtively. that's why they always end up in public men's rooms, or on the hooker's speedials for diaper duty.

maybe if they could do a tour of ptown with barney they would become a little more relaxed. think about how at the press conference where he came out, lindsay graham would be the only cocksucker in the room surprised. same same with charlie crist (although he's less of a cocksucker in the derogatory sense, he at least had the stones to support the stimulus), we know his new beard, oops! wife won't be surprised...

with venom.

i like it, but then again, i'm a sick fuck.

At February 13, 2009 at 9:03 PM, Anonymous Tengrain said...

JP -

An army of Boners. I like that slogan.



At February 13, 2009 at 9:08 PM, Anonymous sukabi said...

My brother used to say that cocksuckers were good, but you had to look out for the cockbiters...

but boner was at it again... cocksucking and biting... and throwing his usual hissy fits and a supposed copy of the bill on the floor... don't know if he managed to squeeze out any faux tears this time, couldn't watch that long, he's such a repulsive fucker.

At February 13, 2009 at 9:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No repuglican would crossdress, because he'd look to fugly doing it. The other things depicted, are perfectly true, however.

At February 13, 2009 at 9:48 PM, Anonymous Artnoize said...

Has the Rude Pundit taken over the JP's blog?
I'm not complaining!
Just sayin',,,,

At February 13, 2009 at 10:47 PM, Anonymous Comrade Rutherford said...

Grover Norquist summed it up. I understand why every single Republican in the House followed the orders to vote against it.

Norquist said this bill is what the Republicans are going to use as a weapon against the Democrats for the 2010, 2012 and 2014 elections.

And given that the news media are all controlled by far-right extremists, no truth about the stimulus will ever get out. Even if the stimulus bill is 100% successful and the economy is improving by next fall, the news won't tell us that because it would be bad for the GOP.

At February 14, 2009 at 2:27 AM, Anonymous Mutant Of The Monster said...

And they got just about everything they wanted. They got their tax breaks for upper middle income to wealthy cocksuckers, they got their tax breaks for people who bought motorcycles and ATV's, they got $13 billion freed up for Pentagon contract procurement so they could continue handing out $35 million contracts to outfits like Kellogg, Brown and Root to in turn continue their proud tradition of electrocuting our troops.

Ain't that the truth. They'll keep sucking until there's nothing left to suck. Sucking the country until the country is left dry,limp,and depleted of all its resources.

At February 14, 2009 at 2:29 PM, Anonymous tw said...

And on top of all this the cocksuckers won't own up to the fact that they're responsible for the deaths of over a million innocent people!

At February 15, 2009 at 7:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"... no Repugnican would crossdress..."

My, how we have forgotten Rudy...


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