Saturday, March 24, 2012

Top Ten Reasons Why Dick Cheney Got a Heart Transplant

Former Vice President Richard B. Cheney recently got a heart transplant and is currently recovering comfortably. Mr. Cheney had over the years suffered many heart problems and had undergone several surgeries, sometimes having devices implanted. But there were several other reasons why Vice President Cheney got a heart transplant. What were they?

  • 10) Cheney's cardiologists realized his old heart was actually a transponder being tracked by the Devil.

  • 9) Cheney's old heart was so bad it beat to the tune of "The Mephisto Waltz."

  • 8) Old heart atrophied from underuse.

  • 7) After first attempt six years ago to harvest his heart, Cheney got tired of waiting for Harry Wittington to die before him.

  • 6) Doctors agreed the plan B heart transplant would be more timely than the plan A of a soul transplant.

  • 5) Superior vena cava too clogged with karmic backlog.

  • 4) Doctors discovered Cheney's moral belief system turned last device into a sump pump.

  • 3) Cheney's old heart never recovered from being pierced in 1963 by Cupid, making him fall in love with money and unbridled power.

  • 2) Science finally able to build electron microscope powerful enough to zero in on old heart.

  • 1) Law of averages dictated a compatible heart transplant donor would be found after all the people that had died over the years because of Cheney.

    At March 24, 2012 at 9:45 PM, Anonymous Toni said...

    Applause, Applause.
    I have to wonder how long it will last though? Once his soul realizes that there is an actual organ where the "pound of flesh" used to be housed.

    At March 24, 2012 at 9:47 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

    The doctors figured there'd be no chance of tissue rejection since Cheney's been eating human beings for years.

    At March 25, 2012 at 10:19 AM, Blogger WereBear said...

    At least now he can cut down on the Satanic rituals that got him this far.

    At March 25, 2012 at 10:24 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

    LOL. Btw, thanks for the linkie love at MPS, Werebear.

    At March 25, 2012 at 10:44 AM, Blogger Mike said...

    Cheney have a soul!?

    At March 25, 2012 at 11:02 AM, Anonymous Frankly said...

    I want him to live long enough that this country comes to its senses & sends him to stand before the World Court for war crimes.

    At March 25, 2012 at 12:02 PM, Blogger Crazyhorse said...

    I would really like to know if his Government health care payed for this? Uh I mean us.Or if he cashed in some of his Haliburton stock.

    At March 25, 2012 at 12:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Lynne probably got tired of having to remember to plug him in every night for a recharge. That and their backup generator wore out from having to keep him charged up when the power went out.


    At March 25, 2012 at 9:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I hope they didn't forget to put a wooden stake thru the organ that got extracted.

    At March 25, 2012 at 9:18 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

    It was handled by the Virgina State Police Bomb Disposal Unit in case it exploded.


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