Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Sarah Palin is Now Officially a Parody of Herself

     Sweet Jesus, when is this woman going to shut the fuck up before she permanently skews the national IQ?
     When TBogg copied and pasted what follows from Sarah Palin's Facebook page (hereafter referred to as Mooselini's balcony), I thought he was engaging in some creative writing or rewriting. I mean, as hideous as Sarah Palin's Engrish has been in the past, there was some convoluted, Mad Hatter, Peggy Sue trailer park trash sense tortuously woven deep in the verbiage like mental boll weevils in cotton fibers. There was absolutely no way she could've written something effortlessly outstripping the writers of the Onion or Andy Borowitz or yours truly on our best days.
     Could she?
     What follows below is an actual word-for-word transcript from Mooselini's Facebook balcony which was lapped up by the masses below (read the comments, if you can stomach them. I took a lot of hits for the team, which alone should get me some Paypal donations) like manna from the the giant, Godly moonshine jug (complete with the three x's) of the Queen of Mean.

Hillary’s Brain; Hillary’s Brain on Drudge

An article linked today on Drudge:

Hey! Hillary’s brain is off-limits! Leave her health records alone! Democrats are right – scouring records of a female candidate is just politics of personal destruction, and for the media to engage in it would be unfair, unethical, and absolutely UNPRECEDENTED. You can’t probe a woman like that because, well, it’s a war on women!

Bunch of sexist, big meanies engaging in something heretofore unheard of, for shame.

America, you deserve fair and consistent coverage of relevant issues before deciding a Presidential/Vice Presidential ticket, so have faith the agenda-less media will refuse to push whispers and wildly inaccurate information about a partisan politician’s body part. Goodness, no one credible would print lies, continually harass a candidate’s doctor, disrupt local hospital staff, or even offer to pay locals to give “quotes” about her health records to be included in a “research book” by a public university professor (your tax dollars at work?) which the candidate’s attorney will need to respond to.


Thank goodness liberals are consistent in refusing to apply double standards, thanks to their disdain for hypocrisy – so they’ll come through once again! Rest assured these self-designated protectors of what they obviously believe is the “weaker sex” needing protection in the political arena will elevate political discourse. Apparently, Democrats demand their next chosen one’s brain must be absent. Opposition – go there exploring a liberal’s brain and you find nothing; or, find something and you’re just trying to distract voters from the REAL issues.

See, the country’s just swell under the Obama regime (which includes any cabinet member who’d lie and prove ineptitude by shining the boot that’s now on America’s neck). With enormous issues to debate before choosing a Presidential/Vice Presidential ticket, have confidence no mean-spirited salaciousness will be pushed by “real journalists.”


Nope. This just doesn’t happen at this respectable level of American politics.

Just ask me. And Trig.

     Now, if you haven't already been literarily lobotomized by this Vagina Monologues wrenched to 300 decibels and put through a scrambler, let's try to parse what Bible Spice tried to say:
     Without ever once mentioning his name, Sarah has somehow found a way to make Karl Rove's ignorant and despicable comments on Hillary Clinton's mental faculties all about her and Trig. It's also the mean libr'al lamestream media (at least, the part that doesn't help her pimp her ghost-written doorstops and pre-doomed reality TV shows) to blame for perpetuating such lies and being prurient-like in investigating a woman's woman parts like her brain, for instance. Because... me! Trig!
     Not only can Sarah Palin not get away from her Hindenburg of a VP candidacy from five and a half years ago, everything said about a woman, by a Republican or no, somehow relates back to her because, after all, Sarah Palin is the center of her own little funhouse mirror of a universe.
     So, it's we liberals' fault and our George Soros-financed media that's to blame for the aspersions cast on Hillary's brain and not the right wing nut job who'd advanced the "theory". No, the bad guy here is not Bush's Brain but that ultra, super, double-double-toil-and-trouble arch liberal Andrew Sullivan. That would be the guy who's the reluctant apostate when he'd finally rubbed his eyes after Bush's Reign of Error and realized, oh shit, I waved my pom-poms for the wrong side and rah-rah, sis-boom-bahed for the murder of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, the displacement of millions more, not to mention the casual slaughter of almost 4500 US troops over a rancid pack of lies.
     Oh, and to his neverending surprise, he also discovered they didn't like his kind, ifyouknowwhatImean.
     Sullivan's liberal crown o' thorns, as I'm sure many of you remember from years ago, was earned when he'd proposed what Palin insists on calling a "conspiracy theory" (while referencing Conspiracy Theorist Extraordinaire Andrew Breitbart, O irony of Ironies). I'm speaking, of course, of her alleged birthing of Trig, which has more holes in it than a Mossberg testing range.
     So, this is all Sullie's fault, not the Fox "News" that has given her a massive megaphone and has happily passed along the "evil genius's" stupendously ignorant jeremiad on Clinton by High Five-ing him for his own whack-a-doodle conspiracy theory.
     And, in true megalomaniacal fashion, anything and everything ever said somehow pertains to Sarah Palin and is an indictment of the liberal mind and its liberal, lamestream media and George Soros and everything and everyone else she can vacuum into her all-sucking black hole of what passes for a mind.
     And despite essentially using Rove's comments on Mrs. Clinton as an intellectual emetic and vomiting all over the eyes and ears of whoever still deluded enough to think this woman possesses the political relevance of Willie Horton, the aforementioned Goobers still look at this Mad Libs type of screed as deathless prose proving once again she should have been elected Veep and that she should be a Senator.
     Luckily for us and unluckily for these organ donors, Sarah knows she can't win an election except maybe if Wasilla is desperate enough for a dog catcher and that she can milk her Sarah PAC dry as she cock-teases her lemmings by dangling one campaign or another before their snouts like a rotten, tiny carrot. She knows she can trowel out whatever toxic waste that's belched out of her mind because in the absence of a public, elected office, all's fair in love and war on Facebook and Twitter and that she's not responsible for anything and loses nothing because her irrelevance saddles her with no accountability.
     Which is exactly where every Republican is or wants to be.


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