Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Top 10 Results of the NYPD's Work Slowdown

     A study by the New York Post reveals that since this time last year, arrests have been down for the New York City Police Department. Specifically, "arrests are down 66% overall, drug arrests are down by 84%, and summons and tickets for minor offenses are down by a mind-blowing 94% since last year." Despite the slow down beginning last year before Mayor Bill deBlasio was elected, His Honor has been blamed for the Police Benevolent Association and police unions calling for what amounts to an undeclared strike. But along with the lower arrest rates, what other results have come from the police slowdown?

10) Several tons of uneaten Dunkin Donuts, Krispie Creme and Honey Dew doughnuts shipped to dozens of needy Third World nations.
9) Birchers, Klansmen and neonazi reserves called in to maintain acceptable levels of Stop 'n' Frisk racial profiling.
8) NYPD issuing pamphlets to ghettos including instructions to young blacks on how to shoot and choke themselves.
7) Mobsters complaining of backlog of months of unpaid graft in plain manila envelopes.
6) Seven pepper spray and four taser manufacturers have filed for bankruptcy.
5) Entire Yankees bullpen threatening to also go on strike if NYPD doesn't place another fat lifer to open bullpen door for them by Opening Day.
4) Second, completely ignored Occupy movement perplexed by lack of martyrdom.
3) NYPD cops forced to beat each other up to maintain usual violent visibility on Youtube.
2) ACLU forced to lay off over 1000 lawyers.
1) 97% uptick in new Jenny Craig memberships.

2 Comments:

At January 1, 2015 at 1:26 PM, Anonymous CC said...

Any other union that attempts a work slowdown would be attacked immediately and ruthlessly by the right, which has been conspicuously silent on this matter.

No, wait. The right has actually cheered on the cops.

 
At January 1, 2015 at 1:35 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Well, they cheer them on as long as the NYPD is killing the right people.

 

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