Saturday, September 24, 2016

This is Your Brain on Religion

     Like Michael Corleone, just when I try to go legitimate and just when I think I'm out, some assholes drag me back in.
     Now, before you reflexively begin leveling the usual accusations of my being obsessed with The Chadwicks (sounds like a reality TV show on the Sons of the Soil Channel, doesn't it?), I have to post a disclaimer here that this wound up in my inbox early this morning courtesy of a random reader who no doubt knows of my trials and tribulations with these lunatics. The email I post below was proferred to me, unsolicited, because she got it into her Jebus-crazed head that I was the secret author of some comment or email that my cameo correspondent had sent.
     I don't know the content or context of the communique except to say it must have been written in a spirit of jest. All I can say is that I have better things to do with my time like finishing an old novel that I'd started years ago and keeping the gas and lights on and the pot boiling. But this is what was forwarded to me by someone who appears to be a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan:
Dear Robert,
Dave asked me to respond to this. We talked about it and decided that there's only two things that could possibly be happening here. The first, and most likely, is that this is a fake account that you are using to "go undercover" to "get dirt on Chadwick" like you did when Duncan Browning, (and for the record, what happened to him after we left was just awful so we have forgiven him for betraying us), gave you his phone number and you called us and did that ridiculous acting job when we were trying to enjoy our "After Church" time on a beautiful Sabbath afternoon. If this is the case, then it's every bit as pathetic as that, because nobody would ever send an email this flipping retarded except you.

The second case is that you have recruited some woman to send this for you, but you obviously wrote this, Robert. To the young (or old) lady, we don't hold this against you. We know you can't possibly be this stupid and we know you didn't write it. It has the stink of Robert Crawford all over it. But if you would be so kind to pass this message along to him, that would be great.
Robert, I want you to know that Dave is MINE! He belongs TO ME! You cannot have him! I know you want him, but as he has told you countless times before, no means no. Your attempts to flirt with him like this used to be cute, now it's just annoying. I own him and I'm not letting you have him. Besides, don't you have a wife or girlfriend or something? How about trying to bang her instead of trying to steal MY man!
God Bless You - Fiona Chadwick
     I should just stop right here and silently shake my head but there's just so much that is criminally wrong with this email that I don't know where to start.
     First off, I, again, don't know what started this and secondly, I haven't any idea who called them or when on their glorious Magic Underwear Sabbath Day. But she seems to take an almost admirably proprietary "ownership" in "Dave" and I guess we're supposed to just ignore the fact that she nearly broke her neck getting from Cruz campaign HQ in Idaho to be with her long-lost love at the exact same moment that news broke about the six figure publishing contract that "Dave" still hasn't gotten around to telling his alleged readership about while he's busy begging money from them on Patreon.
     Thirdly, the concept of "owning" a husband is kind of reminiscent of Fiona's and "Dave's" Mormon forebears back when they owned slaves. Ownership, in my mind, is something you claim.when you're afraid you won't be able to otherwise retain it. Which, with Becky Lynch never far from what passes for "Dave's" thoughts is always a distinct possibility.
     Fourthly, the idea that I've been flirting with someone I've hated for nigh unto these last two plus years with an unholy passion buries the outrage meter and starts a new one that charts laughter. If I've been pursuing him from all the way in central MA, then I have to say the obsession and attraction was, to say the least, mutual:

     These are random screengrabs of just two day's worth of activity I got from his IP Address when he was still living in Utah on April 1st and 15th, respectively (and neither day shows the full extent of his "interest" in this forum. April 1st alone saw 600-700 hits from his IP address). If he can produce a similar photoset of activity from my IP address, then I'll own up to an unnatural attraction to "Dave's" masculine charms. But he won't and can't.
     This is what religion, paranoia and a healthy dose of right wing nuttery will do to your brain, people. Like the rage zombies in Danny Boyle's 28 series, paranoia will make you swat at nonexistent flies or at the wrong people. But to be honest with y'all, I could sooner envision a threesome with Trump, Cruz and Jeb! Bush than my having even the slightest interest in "Dave" Chadwick's lawsuit-riddled "career" let alone his person.
     But, hey, Fiona, if you think you can make him a church-going Christian and help him get over his ongoing obsession with WWE wrestler Becky Lynch, more power to you, girl. Try dying your hair carrot red. Maybe that'll ease him him in his painful transition from Becky to you. Try learning some basic wrestling moves like a half Nelson, if he's so inclined in bed during your tenderer moments. An Irish brogue couldn't hurt, either. (Irish foreplay: "Brace yerself, Joe, me bucko!")
     And I will admit to a middling bit of interest in his career path from time to time, especially little gems such as this that I receive from a regular reader that restores my faith that, sometimes in life, the most evil of us get a fat stake driven right through their black, fucking little hearts.
     Fuck you and your Kolob Marvel comics God, Fiona Chadwick. If He really existed, people like you and "Dave" wouldn't exist.

Addendum: This is my stalker's version of humor and parody. Reading this, you won't be surprised why his books don't sell, why people on Reddit thought that his Microsoft Paint comics are as funny as AIDS on Fire Island and why he's gotten a whopping $69 after over a month of begging on Patreon for money. This also comes with a dedicated Twitter account (that has since been taken down courtesy of yours truly and his loyal Twitter followers), which required setting up a dedicated email address and harvesting old avatar .jpegs I'm no longer using in his pathetic attempt to be humorous. You'd think with a new book contract, a new wife and a whole new life (which includes a gig on Fandom), he'd be too busy for this puerile bullshit.

     But this is Jailbird Joseph David Chadwick we're talking about, a walking DSM V and the most obsessive, pathetic stalker in the history of the internet.


At September 25, 2016 at 12:24 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

"Calm your boner, bro. Like m'gurl says, you can't have me." - Jailbird Joe.

Which girl would that be? Fiona or Becky Lynch?

At September 25, 2016 at 7:06 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

"Dear Mike, Bill and Kevin:

My issue isn't with your website or products but this is a warning. There's a guy on the internet named Sugar Ray Dodge (real name Joseph David Chadwick) who is absolutely obsessed with MST3K and Rifftrax. He's a right wing lunatic who's been stalking me, a fact that he carefully keeps from his alleged readership. In fact, he did an interview recently with the MST3K Revival League podcast and he bragged about getting singled out for attention for a brief moment by Bill.

I just want you to know this creep has been stalking me for going on three years, sends his few fanboys to my blog to leave threatening messages (I've had to call the Weber County Sheriff's Dept in Ogden, Utah to get him to back off, to no avail).

Not only that, he's violating MST3K copyrights (I've already addressed this issue to Shout!Factory's legal team and they're currently investigating my claims) in his MST3K-themed cartoon books that he self-publishes (until one got pulled down from Amazon and two other sites for another copyright infringement). This also includes using the likenesses of you guys and violating the copyrighted name and, again, your likenesses in the Rifftrax franchise. If you have a legal department or a law firm on retainer, I'd strongly urge you to send a cease and desist letter if not sue him outright for violating the DMCA.

Again, this man is a dangerous stalker who has fixated on me and now seems to be back from Israel to continue stalking me from his old haunts in Weber Co., if the IP address I'm seeing is any indication. He's been stalking a WWE wrestler named Becky Lynch (he draws cartoons of her, also, and used to even festoon his monitor with pictures of her) and he literally follows you guys around if you're anywhere near his vicinity.

This guy is a creep, a stalker, who has acquired a reputation for harassing people of real talent and abilities just for the hell of it. He is a danger to anyone who comes into contact with him and one of his ex friends has recently suffered a grievous "accident" since he betrayed him last summer. He is obsessed with you guys and your franchise and should he ever initiate contact with you in any way, shape or form, I would ignore him as strenuously as possible.

This is just to let you know that I am a fan of both your franchises but, unlike Chadwick, I don't let my entire life revolve around riffing movies or you guys.

Robert Crawford"

At September 25, 2016 at 9:25 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Title: Sugar Ray Dodge

"His real name is Joe David Chadwick. You may or may not have heard of him. He's a MSTie fan, a Rifftrax fan and a self-styled "author" and "cartoonist."

He's also a right wing stalker and a troll who's violating yours and the copyrights of about 100 different entities. Here's the proof right here:

This right wing evolutionary dropout has been stalking me for going on 3 years even to the point of creating Twitter accounts and even blogs dedicated to taking me down. Apparently, he's almost as obsessed with you guys as he is with me. If you have a copyright claim to ICW, I'd step on this quickly and shut him down. It's one thing to mention a copyrighted name. It's another to mention that name, draw copyrighted likenesses and then try to make money off said copyrights.

You've been warned. The rest is up to you guys. He's already had one book pulled off the virtual shelves of three markets, including Amazon for copyright infringement of a movie franchise.


At September 26, 2016 at 12:55 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

On Mon, 9/26/16, RiffTrax wrote:

Re: Sugar Ray Dodge
Hi Robert,

Thanks for your email. We have worked with David in the past (mainly by including some of his cartoons as live show freebie downloads) and as such our relationship with him as been amicable. I'll pass your message along to the higher-ups and we'll take any appropriate action.


Erik Peterson Senior Engineer


"Dave's" "amicableness" is a twisted kind of hero worship. For those with whom he disagrees politically or otherwise, he resorts to bullying, stalking, harassment and sabotage. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. He's stalking me on my blog right now at this very minute as I write this. Do you want to see screengrabs I'd harvested of hundreds of daily hits from his IP address? How about the fake one star hit pieces he's written of my novels? The comments he's left on my blog where he claims to be "superior to (me) in every conceivable way"? How about the mug shot that was taken of him in Ogden, Utah in 2013?
Make no mistake about it, Erik, this man's a dangerous psychopath and he holds the law, the least of which being the copyright laws of the DMCA, in utter contempt. As right wingers generally feel about laws they don't wish to obey. In Chadwick's chase, that especially includes online anti-stalking and harassment laws.
Again, you have no idea what you're dealing with here, Erik. I do. I've been a victim of his, his twin brother's and his wife Fiona's stalking for years.
Do with this what you will.
Robert Crawford

At September 26, 2016 at 1:34 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

On Mon, 9/26/16, RiffTrax wrote:

Subject: Re: Sugar Ray Dodge
To: "crawman2"
Date: Monday, September 26, 2016, 12:54 PM

Sugar Ray Dodge

Hi Robert,

That is frightening indeed, and I do appreciate your warnings.

If there's more you want to share, feel free, otherwisewe will certainly exercise caution and distance ourselves from him if need be.
Erik Peterson Senior Engineer

Mr. Peterson:

It is extremely important that you recognize how legitimate are my claims and I appreciate your attention in this matter. I wouldn't be doing this unless it were true and I certainly wouldn't offer evidence to back up my claims that didn't exist.

Should you require that evidence, I can certainly provide it but only upon request.



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