Saturday, March 3, 2018

Maybe He Shouldn't Have Handed Out So Much Free Candy

     Roy Moore is in dire financial straits and he needs your help!
     Because Alabama's most beloved pedophile (whose Facebook page is still inexplicably named "Judge Roy Moore for US Senate," even though he was fired twice as a judge and is no longer running for the US Senate) has legal fees for an unspecified charge. And all he needs is a quarter of a million dollars of your hard-earned money!
     What follows below is the full text of what Moore put out a couple of days ago on his dead campaign's Facebook page. It's got some whoppers in it, enough so that Moore was trending earlier today on Twitter.
First, I wanted to write you to say thank you most sincerely for your support and prayers for my campaign for the U. S. Senate. Your financial contributions helped me fight over $50 million dollars from Washington insiders who did not want me to bring the truth about God and our Constitution to Washington D. C.
     I don't know where the fuck he got $50 million dollars (sic) from, since the DNC establishment and the Democratic Senate essentially let Doug Jones twist in the wind until literally the last minute. Notice right wingers start whingeing and whining about big money in politics only after they get outspent and out voted.
I have no regrets!
     I regret nothing!
Together we fought the good fight, we finished our course, and we have kept the faith. And we do not intend to quit! The future of our children and grandchildren is at stake.
     ...because Roy Moore is still on the loose in Alabama.
I now face another vicious attack from lawyers in Washington D. C. and San Francisco who have hired one of the biggest firms in Birmingham Alabama to bring another legal action against me and ensure that I never fight again.
     However, nowhere in his constant hard begging for hundreds of thousands of dollars does Moore ever tell us why he's being sued and what the charges are.
However, I will trust God that he will allow truth to prevail against the unholy forces of evil behind their attack.
     You would think an evangelical bozo such as Moore would know enough to capitalize the pronoun "He" when speaking about God. Then again, everything this asshole knows about the Bible is in Leviticus. And, gee, I've never heard of a Blue Dog Democrat such as Doug Jones being included in with "the unholy forces of evil."
I have lawyers who want to help but they are not without cost and besides their fees, legal expenses could run over $100,000. I have had to establish a “legal defense fund, anything you give will be appreciated.
     So, just on the safe side, I'm going to ask for two and a half times that amount. Trust me, it'll all get spent on billable hours. Or, something...
The liberal media, in association with some who want to destroy our Country do not want my influence in the 2018 elections and are doing everything they can to stop me.
     Note that Moore, a shitty Christian but ever the white nationalist, makes sure he capitalizes "Country" even when it doesn't have to be. And doing "everything they (could) to stop (him)" was called a free election in a democracy.
Gays, lesbians, and transgenders have joined forces with those who believe in abortion, sodomy, and destruction of all that we hold dear. Unless we stand together we will lose our Country.
Christians can no longer afford to remain silent in these “perilous” times. For we know that in such time men shall be come lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, truce breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God.
      Gays, lesbians and transgenders such as this. for instance?
     And if the incontinent are included among your enemies, does that mean David "Huggies" Vitter is one of your antagonists?
     And don't ask me why he put "perilous" in scare quotes. These certainly are perilous times, thanks in large part to his reluctant cheerleader, Donald Trump.
     But Moore may have a point about men who are lovers of selves. After all, that's the kind of man who would endlessly bitch and complain about losing an election in which... Oh, wait. He meant that in an Onanistic way. Gotcha.
We must fight, an appeal to the God of Heaven is all that is left us! Please help me fight this battle for the heart and soul of this Nation. Your financial contribution to my legal defense fund is crucial. After over 40 years of public service I cannot back down now.
     We will fight them on the playgrounds, we will fight them in the Chuck E. Cheese's and the McDonald's ball pits...
When I stood to bring these values and truths to Washington D. C. I was forced to fight the Washington establishment, the Republican Party, the Democrat Party, the ultra-liberal media and people such asGeorge Soros, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and many others who fear the truth. I’m sure that you cannot imagine how this has taken a toll on my wife, my children, and even my friends.
     You mean the Republican Party that was holding out some vain hope that you would, pardon the phrase, pull it out so they could get your vote on the tax scam bill? And what's this "ultra-liberal media" of which you speak, stranger? Perhaps, compared to your Apocalyptic world view, Fox "News" would look a little less conservative than it is but it's impossible to see what you mean by an ultra-liberal media.
My resources have been depleted and I have struggled to make ends meet
     OK, time out here, time out. Do you not own a 4300 square foot home in Etowah complete with a seven car garage and horse stables well-stocked with horses and had the valuation of your home reduced by over $41,000 to lower your property taxes? Did you not skim over $1,000,000 from a nonprofit charity you ran with your wife? Is the land upon which your charity sits not valued at $540,000? Do you not receive $180,000 annually for part time work for said charity after claiming you had no regular income?
     I suppose that's all "ultra-liberal" bullshit troweled out in your own financial disclosure forms.
But I have not lost my faith in our God, who is our true source of strength and will never leave or forsake us. I am truly thankful for your support, your cards, letters and words of encouragement.
     He especially likes the cards with little girls on the front.
As I was writing this letter, a young lady handed me a note from her brother, Steven and a cash contribution of $84. This is what Steven wrote:
“I read your book and am currently reading your court opinion on gay marriage. Sir, you are an American hero. You have inspired me. I won’t forget the poems of yours that I’ve read or the stands you’ve made against those trying to disfigure our Country and its heritage. I and so many others are with you, sir, and will help in any way to defend your character.”
     I guess part of that "disfigurement" is insisting that America was not exactly at its best during the days of slavery. At least, that isn't as bad a disfigurement as Roy Moore's ultra right wing poetry disfigured the English language.
Steven’s $84 will be deposited in my defense fund as he wished, and his words of encouragement will continually remind me of others who have expressed similar sentiments.
     Because, considering Steven's odd amount, I will just naturally assume it is not all his allowance or babysitting money he's given me and I'll make sure it gets spent on artificial insemination for Sassy. And if she foals a boy, I'll be sure to name it after you.
I do not profess to be a hero, but I will not forget so many who have paid the ultimate sacrifice to preserve this land and our form of government, with which we have been truly blessed.
     Good thing, too, because I can't think of any heroes who were barred from a mall for ogling underage girls.
Thank you in advance for anything you can give to help me in my defense, and if you can’t give, I would appreciate your prayers and moral support.
May God bless you!
                    Sincerely,
                    Judge Roy Moore
     How about thoughts and prayers, instead? I'll think of you being in prison and pray it happens within my lifetime.
P.S. The political Left is filled with men and women whose sole aim in life is to overthrow our God-ordained rights which are guaranteed in the U.S. Constitution. It is your responsibility and mine to stand up to this vile encroachment on our rights, and defend that for which the Founding Fathers sacrificed so greatly. Please send a generous gift today to the Roy Moore Legal Defense Fund to help me defeat, once and for all, those who would destroy America in order to usher in their anti-Christian “kingdom.” May the Lord richly bless you as you stand with me in this critical fight!
     Would those be the Founding Fathers who put up that wall separating church and state, a wall you'd unsuccessfully tried to knock down as if it was a sand castle built by a five year-old and which got you fired as Alabama State Supreme Court Chief Justice for the first of two times?

2 Comments:

At March 3, 2018 at 8:36 PM, Blogger Harry Hamid said...

It doesn't make any sense ot me, but I sort of hope he keeps himself in the news, just to remind people that he exists. That goes for Arpaio, too.

 
At March 3, 2018 at 8:40 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Sure. The more they talk, the more we learn.

 

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