Saturday, January 9, 2021

The Revolution Will Be Televised

     So, MAGAts, how does it feel under that bus?
     You should've known something was not quite right when Ill Douche exhorted you to storm the nation's Capitol, saying he would be beside you from behind a protective, bullet-proof shield.
     Or when he didn't march beside you.
     But really, since you're just pathetic right wing voters who got all their news from Trump's late, lamented Twitter feed, how were you to know that while the rodeo clowns were busy warming you up for the head of the American Nazi Party, he was in a tent right off the stage serenely watching the first of you commit sedition?
     And that Fredo proudly live-streamed the whole thing before abruptly taking it down on Twitter before the whole insurrection went sideways and turned into dog shit?
     That would be the same Fredo who, as said insurrection was turning into the aforementioned dog shit, then laughably (or it would have been laughable if five people hadn't died in DC that day) hurtled himself into damage control mode and told you to stop making Daddy Warbucks look bad and to stop "acting like the other side."
     How about RAGA (Republican Attorneys General Association), through their shady dark money outfit the Rule of Law Defense Fund and its robocalls, gave you your marching orders with these words:
“I’m calling for the Rule of Law Defense Fund with an important message. The march to save America is tomorrow in Washington D.C. at the Ellipse in President’s Park between E St. and Constitution Avenue on the south side of the White House, with doors opening at 7:00 a.m. At 1:00 p.m., we will march to the Capitol building and call on Congress to stop the steal. We are hoping patriots like you will join us to continue to fight to protect the integrity of our elections. For more information, visit This call is paid for and authorized by the Rule of Law Defense Fund, 202-796-5838.”
     Only to say this, when the twice-mentioned insurrection turned to the twice-mentioned dog shit:
“I condemn, in the strongest possible terms, the actions of those who today attempted to storm the Capitol, a place where passionate but peaceful protestors had gathered and lawmakers debated inside. Our country is built upon the foundation of the rule of law. American democracy guarantees the right of peaceful protest. Those who chose to engage in violence and anarchy should and will be held accountable under the law. I stand by the brave men and women of law enforcement as they work to restore order. God bless the Capitol Police and all members of law enforcement who, as always, have showed such great courage in protecting their fellow man.”
     That was the head of RAGA, Alabama Attorney General Steve Marshall, condemning in "the strongest possible terms" for obeying him when his dark money group wound you up and set you toddling off toward the Capitol building's general direction like the Penguin deploying his robotic namesakes that were laden with explosives.
     Note that he never mentioned that the dark money group that funds the RAGA that he heads took any responsibility (party of personal responsibility and all that) for winding you up and setting you off like the right wing automatons you are only to leave you out in the cold.
     How about when assholes like Mo Brooks (who was also one of the aforementioned rodeo clowns at the "Save America" rally and wound up the keys on your jiggling backs) of that same state of Alabama, in his own nearly comically misguided attempt at damage control and spin-doctoring, tried to claim that you guys were really the fictional antifa that's despised by the fascist right wing? How about when Paul Gosar (R-Even My Own Siblings Hate Me) and Matt Gaetz (R-Do You Know Who My Father Is?) advanced the same easily-debunked lies?
     Because, you know, when shit goes sideways and turns to dog shit, well, it couldn't possibly be real American patriots who would shoot up schools, news rooms or literally shit all over the United States Capitol. So, they shamelessly accuse you of being the very same (fictional) faction you despise the most.
     There are no degrees of separation yet they attempt to manufacture them, anyway. They try to crawl away from you and your destruction like the Nazis fleeing the death camps in May 1945 and will say anything, however half-heartedly, to condemn the violence you caused, such as when Trump issued a video in which he droned on about how he condemned the violence he ordered you to instigate on his behalf.
     For which he didn't join you as he promised.
     From behind a bullet-proof shield.
     Well, understandably, you all feel butt hurt after all your hard work trashing congressional offices, busting windows, scaling walls, climbing scaffolding, fighting police officers and carrying off congressional property like Speaker Pelosi's podium. You've rightly attacked him on Parler, 4chan, Reddit, Twitter and Facebook for his shocking betryal. I mean, who besides Mike Pence could've seen that coming?
     You know, besides those of us in the reality-based community who have Trump pegged.
     And now you poor, lost, butt hurt souls are being rounded up by federal agents and police departments (82, at last count, but estimates go as high as nearly 100).
     They threw you under the tires of the omnibus of progress, or the demented right wing version of progress. They left you to twist in the wind. They left you out in the cold. They threw you to the wolves, cast you on an ice floe... well, you get the picture.
     Because the Republicans who'd secretly (and not so secretly) prayed for your success were also among the first to condemn your actions to preserve their political futures just as the companies that used to employ you fired your seditious asses to protect their corporate brand and market shares.
     So remember all this the next time some Dollar Store Mussolini twirls his tiny, feminine hand in the air and whips you into an anti-Democratic frenzy. Because they will do the same thing.
     Every fucking time.


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