Friday, August 5, 2022

How Stupid is Alex Jones?

     People like Alex Jones are like Jerry Fletcher, the Mel Gibson character in 1997's Conspiracy Theory. In the beginning of the movie, we see Fletcher mimeographing his latest conspiracy theory newsletter that he then distributes to about a dozen subscribers. He makes ends meet by driving a cab and is plainly not getting rich off his conspiracy theorizing.
     The upshot at the end of the movie is that Jerry Fletcher discovers that he really did stumble onto a conspiracy theory. We never find out what happened to Jerry at the end of the movie but, if Conspiracy Theory was released in the age of social media and 24/7 news cycles, it's easy to imagine Fletcher's newfound celebrity turning him into Alex Jones. After all, nearly six decades ago, Jean Dixon's so-called prediction of the Kennedy assassination was skillfully parleyed into a psychic empire.
     Jones should, by all rights, be Jerry Fletcher at the beginning of the movie, cranking out conspiracy theory newsletters for virtually nobody and driving a cab for shitty tips. But we do live in the age of social media and 24/7 news cycles that can turn cranks into instant celebrities on the turn of a plug nickel.
     That's why it should make right-thinking peoples' heads explode to learn that Alex Jones' conspiracy theory empire is worth up to $270,000,000.
     Yes, you read that right. Because of the vagueness of financial disclosure laws in the US, Jones empire of lies and distortions is valued at between $135,000,000 and $270,000,000, which, even if the low end is more accurate, ought to make anyone's stomach turn. It's also been estimated that Jones can make up to $800,000 a day to misinform and even endanger people's lives.
     So, how stupid can Alex Jones really be? After all, the man could be sitting on top of a fortune worth over a quarter of a billion dollars (prejudgment, at any rate). And it's that defamation, that smearing, that libeling, that slandering that's put Jones' jiggling puss all over that 24/7 news cycle. To date, Jones has been hit with $49.3 million in judgments, so far, during his trial in Austin. There's another trial awaiting him in Texas. And we haven't even gotten to Connecticut.
     So, how can a man whose fat ass is potentially sitting on over a quarter billion dollars be considered stupid? Shit. Look at guys like Kanye, Trump and George W. Bush. You tell me.
     But you'd think, with all that money, Jones could afford to hire attorneys, real high-powered attorneys from white shoe law firms, attorneys who are higher up the food chain in accomplishments and competence than the morons Trump hires. But that's not what Jones did.
     Instead, he hired idiots who were so incompetent they actually gave the plaintiff's attorneys the entire digital contents of one of Jones' cell phones, including every one of the texts sent and received by Jones over the last two years.
     Meanwhile, 1523 miles to the northeast of Austin, people were listening. Among them were people in the J6 Committee who have already expressed the liveliest interest in Jones' phone, especially as regards what he'd sent to and received from Roger Stone before, during and after the insurrection. And the judge presiding over Jones' first trial has already said she's not standing between Jones and Congress.
     Just just forget for a moment the incompetence of Jones' lawyers not safeguarding attorney/client privilege, which open them up to sanctions, by sharing that data with exactly the people who should not have had been made privy to it, or thinking the plaintiff's counsel would just forget about it by sending a note that said, literally, "Please disregard." Let's even forget about the poor judgment of letting a psychopathic blowhard like Alex Jones testify on his own behalf and walking into the opposing counsel's buzzsaw of an examination who told him before the entire nation that his own counsel essentially torpedoed his case and proved Jones to be the liar he's been his whole life.
     This is probably the counsel he's going to be stuck with over the next two trials, lawyers who make Trump's own pack of legal assclowns to look like a Wall Street white shoe law firm by conspicuous relief.
     Let's instead, focus on Jones' legal counsel being so neolithically incompetent that they not only lost a state case for their client in spectacular fashion but even potentially opened him up to federal charges through first the January 6 Committee then, the DOJ.
     I don't know what Jones' shysters are charging him for billable hours but, whatever they are, I'd be willing to bet it was a hell of a lot to pay to have your life ruined by the very people who are supposed to be protecting him from all legal peril.


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