Wednesday, September 3, 2008

McCain's Swift Choice

"Way to go, son. You did what I only wish I can do."

(Morra Aarons-Mele beat me to it at the HuffPo last month but you have to give me credit for at least thinking along parallel lines.)

Forget Harriet Meirs. This is Jane Swift redux.

Ironically, in choosing political nonentity Sarah Palin to be his running mate, John McCain may find the freshman Alaska Governor to be the media lightning rod the McCain campaign has been successfully avoiding.

Rumors and perhaps even facts of McCain's investigative laziness in not vetting a woman who, just 20 years ago, was reporting on the Iditarod for a local tv station, have from the start been coming out. We're hearing from McCain's own people that she's being vetted by a fact-finding team as seriously as Alaskan state authorities investigating the brewing Monegan/state trooper scandal.

So why're McCain's people waiting until now to check into her spottier and spottier background well over a week after McCain picked her to be his running mate? And why would he pick someone whom he'd met only once before deciding on her?

In many ways, this is reminiscent of Paul Cellucci picking Jane Swift to be his running mate during his one gubernatorial campaign in 1998. Swift was one of a lengthening line of Republican women chosen by Republican white men who from time to time feel it politically expedient to show their progressive bona fides.

What Cellucci didn't factor in while making his choice of a running mate was his own ambition. A state's Lt. Governor, after all, is as devoid of purpose and relevancy as the Vice President used to be and Cellucci, a man about as bright as the glow on Jane Swift's face during her pregnancy, never seemed to have given a thought as to what would happen if he suddenly took a powder.

Which is precisely what happened when the Senate Foreign Affairs Committee in 2001 saw fit to send Cellucci packing for Ottawa in his quest to become our ambassador to Canada.

That left Jane Swift (like Sarah Palin) a freshman Governor and new mother with no experience in running much of anything larger than her household. The scandals began immediately in Cellucci's wake. Swift (again, like Palin) abusing the Governor's office in state police-related improprieties. Allegations of incompetence. Before election day, this otherwise smart lady was so clearly out of her depth that our second consecutive acting governor ended her candidacy.

All because of a stupid white Republican man's ambition. Let me know if this is starting to sound familiar.

Let's forget for a minute that, after safely dodging Bush and Cheney's speeches during the opening day red banner waving, McCain and Palin are already abandoning their pledge to accept the nomination via satellite on the Gulf Coast.

The truly hilarious thing is that McCain's sleepy but nonetheless ravenous ambition is such that he's even publicly shaking the hand of the hockey player who knocked up his running mate's underaged daughter and isn't even old enough to vote for him. The Crazy Base World who have made teen sexual abstinence a fetishistic mantra be damned.

The McCain campaign is already snapping at the press for being so "critical" of his running mate, whining that the "faux media scandal (is) designed to destroy the first female Republican nominee" and that "this nonsense is over." Yes, the Republican party actually has the nerve to play the gender card on behalf of the first female Republican presidential running mate.

In other words, don't look too closely at how we didn't look too closely into her past before McCain's over-the-shoulder dart hit the political dartboard. And the GOP will rally around her tonight as if she's the greatest thing since Margaret Thatcher on fucking roller skates.

Then again, McCain could've brought a pap smear to St. Paul with him and the Republicans would rally around both McCain and the slide in his pudgy fingers as long as the cervical cells had an "R" after its name. The roar that you'll hear from the idiots on the floor will be that of amplified desperation.


At September 3, 2008 at 6:27 PM, Blogger Firestarter5 said...

"Hey there you young whipper-snapper! Congratulations on your future in Fatherhood."

"Uh...thanks. Who are you dude?"

Levi should have left his Levi's on that night!

At September 3, 2008 at 8:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cripes, I may have to tune in to parts of the speech just to bathe in the roars of desperation...

At September 4, 2008 at 7:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

But it doesn't matter who McCain has picked. The polls will always be 50-50 and Diebold will 'count' the votes - McCain has already won.


Post a Comment

<< Home

KindleindaWind, my writing blog.

All Time Classics

  • Our Worse Half: The 25 Most Embarrassing States.
  • The Missing Security Tapes From the World Trade Center.
  • It's a Blunderful Life.
  • The Civil War II
  • Sweet Jesus, I Hate America
  • Top Ten Conservative Books
  • I Am Mr. Ed
  • Glenn Beck: Racist, Hate Monger, Comedian
  • The Ten Worst Music Videos of all Time
  • Assclowns of the Week

  • Links to the first 33 Assclowns of the Week.
  • Links to Assclowns of the Week 38-63.
  • #106: The Turkey Has Landed edition
  • #105: Blame it on Paris or Putin edition
  • #104: Make Racism Great Again Also Labor Day edition
  • #103: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toilet edition
  • #102: Orange is the New Fat edition
  • #101: Electoral College Dropouts edition
  • #100: Centennial of Silliness edition
  • #99: Dr. Strangehate edition
  • #98: Get Bentghazi edition
  • #97: SNAPping Your Fingers at the Poor edition
  • #96: Treat or Treat, Kiss My Ass edition
  • #95: Monumental Stupidity double-sized edition
  • #94: House of 'Tards edition
  • #93: You Da Bomb! edition.
  • #92: Akin to a Fool edition.
  • #91: Aurora Moronealis edition.
  • #90: Keep Your Gubmint Hands Off My High Pre'mums and Deductibles! edition.
  • #89: Occupy the Catbird Seat/Thanksgiving edition.
  • #88: Heil Hitler edition.
  • #87: Let Sleeping Elephants Lie edition.
  • #86: the Maniacs edition.
  • #85: The Top 50 Assclowns of 2010 edition.
  • #(19)84: Midterm Madness edition.
  • #83: Spill, Baby, Spill! edition.
  • #82: Leave Corporations Alone, They’re People! edition.
  • #81: Hatin' on Haiti edition.
  • #80: Don't Get Your Panties in a Twist edition.
  • #79: Top 50 Assclowns of 2009 edition.
  • #78: Nattering Nabobs of Negativism edition.
  • #77: ...And Justice For Once edition.
  • #76: Reading Tea Leaves/Labor Day edition.
  • #75: Diamond Jubilee/Inaugural Edition
  • #74: Dropping the Crystal Ball Edition
  • #73: The Twelve Assclowns of Christmas Edition
  • #72: Trick or Treat Election Day Edition
  • #71: Grand Theft Autocrats Edition
  • #70: Soulless Corporations and the Politicians Who Love Them Edition
  • Empire Of The Senseless.
  • Conservative Values for an Unsaved World.
  • Esquire's Charles Pierce.
  • Brilliant @ Breakfast.
  • The Burning Platform.
  • The Rant.
  • Mock, Paper, Scissors.
  • James Petras.
  • Towle Road.
  • Avedon's Sideshow (the new site).
  • At Largely, Larisa Alexandrovna's place.
  • The Daily Howler.
  • The DCist.
  • Greg Palast.
  • Jon Swift. RIP, Al.
  • God is For Suckers.
  • The Rude Pundit.
  • Driftglass.
  • Newshounds.
  • William Grigg, a great find.
  • Brad Blog.
  • Down With Tyranny!, Howie Klein's blog.
  • Wayne's World. Party time! Excellent!
  • Busted Knuckles, aka Ornery Bastard.
  • Mills River Progressive.
  • Right Wing Watch.
  • Earthbond Misfit.
  • Anosognosia.
  • Echidne of the Snakes.
  • They Gave Us a Republic.
  • The Gawker.
  • Outtake Online, Emmy-winner Charlotte Robinson's site.
  • Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo
  • No More Mr. Nice Blog.
  • Head On Radio Network, Bob Kincaid.
  • Spocko's Brain.
  • Pandagon.
  • Slackivist.
  • WTF Is It Now?
  • No Blood For Hubris.
  • Lydia Cornell, a very smart and accomplished lady.
  • Roger Ailes (the good one.)
  • BlondeSense.
  • The Smirking Chimp.
  • Hammer of the Blogs.
  • Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
  • Argville.
  • Existentialist Cowboy.
  • The Progressive.
  • The Nation.
  • Mother Jones.
  • Vanity Fair.
  • Citizens For Legitimate Government.
  • News Finder.
  • Indy Media Center.
  • Lexis News.
  • Military Religious Freedom.
  • McClatchy Newspapers.
  • The New Yorker.
  • Bloggingheads TV, political vlogging.
  • Find, the next-best thing to Nexis.
  • Altweeklies, for the news you won't get just anywhere.
  • The Smirking Chimp
  • Don Emmerich's Peace Blog
  • Wikileaks.
  • The Peoples' Voice.
  • CIA World Fact Book.
  • IP address locator.
  • Tom Tomorrow's hilarious strip.
  • Babelfish, an instant, online translator. I love to translate Ann Coulter's site into German.
  • Newsmeat: Find out who's donating to whom.
  • Wikipedia.
  • Uncyclopedia.
  • Icasualties
  • Free Press
  • YouTube
  • The Bone Bridge.
  • Powered by Blogger