Friday, July 20, 2012

Top Ten GOP Reactions to the Aurora Shooting

Last night at the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises, gunman James Holmes, a PhD student of Neuroscience, fired into a crowded theater, killing 12 and wounding over 50 before being apprehended by Colorado police. Conservative reaction was swift, with Texas Rep. Louis Gohmert claiming it was in retaliation for attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs. Congressman Gohmert further stated on Heritage Foundation radio that he didn't know why more people in the theater didn't shoot back to minimize the casualties. But there were other reactions by top Republicans. What were the the top ten?

  • 10) OH-9 Congressional candidate Joe the Plumber: "They should've waited for the DVD."

  • 9) Atlas Shrugged blogger Pamela Gellar: "Anders didn't do it. He has an alibi."

  • 8) NJ Governor Chris Christie: "With the price of f*cking concessions, I'm amazed this didn't happen sooner."

  • 7) Arianna Huffington, honorary Republican for Life: "But dahlings, what did you think of the movie? My unpaid bloggers have a deadline to meet!"

  • 6) Sen. Tom Coburn: "Dear God, I can just see it now: Columbine posters everywhere to harass the NRA when they go to Aurora, Colorado tomorrow to drum up support for the 2nd Amendment."

  • 5) Ted Nugent on Facebook: "When I heard what Holmes did, I nearly shit my pants. Would've hated doing that again."

  • 4) Sen. Jim DeMint: "Louis was wrong. This is God's revenge for Pee Wee Herman and Fred Willard."

  • 3) Former Sen. Fred Thompson: "If I was the shooter, I would've done it during Gigli's premiere but that's just me."

  • 2) Rep. Michele Bachmann: "What really disappoints me is why Batman didn't jump out of the screen to save them."

  • 1) @MittRomney on Twitter: "Mine and Ann's thoughts and prayers go out to the families of Warner Brothers studio executives and their shareholders for this embarrassing spectacle."

    At July 20, 2012 at 5:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Not the teeniest bit funny. Stop wasting air, jerk!

    At July 20, 2012 at 6:25 PM, Anonymous chrome agnomen said...

    see? this is what a liberal education does to people. if this poor soul had just gone to regent university or liberty, then he would have gotten right with jeebus, and could have channeled his anger into gunning down demonrat congress people, or perhaps an abortion provider. the cognitive dissonance between neuroscience (boo) and creationism (yay) is likely what drove the guy over the edge.


    At July 20, 2012 at 7:04 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

    As of this moment, almost 1000 people disagree with you so fuck off.

    At July 20, 2012 at 7:19 PM, Anonymous Comrade Rutherford said...

    Brilliant again, as usual, JP.


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