How an April Fool Spent His Morning

      So, Donnie woke up this morning (although a case could be made that he never actually sleeps, which is why he's plainly psychotic), poised to make history. Donnie wanted to be the first "sitting president" to listen in on oral arguments in the Supreme Court's 200+ year-long history. Maybe he thought his very physical presence would alter reality and established case law, even Constitutional law, a brandished pimp stick guaranteed to make the Supreme Court justices to heel to his inflexible will.

     If that's what he thought, he was wrong.

     He was attending oral arguments presented by his Solicitor General, the flat-footed John Sauer, regarding birthright citizenship. The day Trump resumed power on January 20 last year, he'd signed an executive order limiting birthright citizenship in direct contravention to the 14th amendment, which was ratified in 1868 to give Black children born to slaves on US soil American citizenship.

     Trump's blatant racism couldn't have that, especially when extended to Latinos and Hispanics. The very fact that he thought he could overturn a Constitutional amendment with an executive order showcased not only Trump's toxic racism but his contempt for the law. By signing that executive order, Trump showed, for not the first time, that he thinks he can rewrite the law, even the Constitution itself, by what's essentially royal fiat.

     So, Donnie put on his best business boy suit, got into his big, expensive car and set out to make history.

     He lasted one hour before storming out of the building.

     And the reason why Donnie lasted just 60 minutes was because Chief Justice John Roberts and Justices Amy Coney Barrett and Neil Gorsuch were openly skeptical about Trump's reasoning. Sauer told the high court that we lived n "a new world" in which people "were one plane ride away" from landing on US soil (even though commercial international air travel has been a thing for over eight decades).

     Chief Justice Roberts succinctly shot that down by reminding him it was still the same Constitution.

     Justice Gorsuch then asked Sauer if he thought birthright citizenship should be extended to Native American children. "Ah, I think ... so. I have to think that through," was the answer. Shortly after, Trump got up and abruptly left the building. That was perhaps the moment he realized that his own Solicitor General was a complete fucking idiot who probably got his law license at a Rotary Club raffle.

     One can only imagine the phone call that ensured.

     "You fucking moron! Roy Cohn could've made better arguments if he had Lindsey Graham's cock in his mouth!"

     And that's all it took to get Trump out of that chair and out of that building. Considering his juvenile conduct during his criminal trials in New York in 2024, it's a miracle he didn't start yelling and calling his hand-picked justices "radical left lunatics". All he had to hear was token skepticism to make him huff his way out of the building to go eat worms somewhere.

      Because this is how autocrats think. They don't like it when those who can put checks and balances on their power differ with them or even ask questions that comport with established case and Constitutional law. They think the law should follow them and not vice versa.