Yankees To Sign Iranian Rock Throwers
The Bronx --- In a move seen as desperate by some in MLB, the Yankees front office confirmed today that they have tentatively sealed a deal with two Iranian rock throwers who caught the eye of General Manager Brian Cashman.
"What can I say," Cashman said, "I liked their mechanics and they flung those pieces of brick at the Basiji with the best of them. I was suitably impressed. Hey, don't laugh. Honus Wagner was discovered by the Pirates in a rock-throwing contest. It could happen again." Hank Steinbrenner, son of the legendary Yankees owner, was more direct.
"I mean, look at our starting rotation. There's hardly a guy on the team with an ERA lower than 4 and Wang's been a horror show. Those kids seeking democracy in an oppressive Islamic regime are better than anyone we got in our pitching corps." Starter Chien-Ming Wang, who'd enjoyed back-to-back 19 win seasons with the Yankees, is now 0-5 with an ERA of 12.50.
Representatives of the two green masked Iranian men spoke only on condition of anonymity.
"My clients are grateful for this opportunity extended to them by the Yankees and, praise Allah, they have pledged to do their best to help them win the Fall Classic."
Cashman would neither confirm nor deny that it cost the Yankees $20 million to negotiate with each rock thrower.