Ken Kratz's Advice For Violent Crime Victims

Now that he's resigned as Calumet County District Attorney for sending dirty text messages and, thanks to fellow Wisconsin Republican scumbag AG J.B. Van Hollen, will not go to jail for it, Ken Kratz has plenty of free time to pursue his new career as a legal advice columnist.

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"Dear Mr. Kratz: My boyfriend recently beat me and tried to kill me. What can I do to ensure that he never does this to me or other women ever again?"

"Dear tall, young, hot nymph: Are you the kind of girl that likes secret contact with an older married elected DA ... the riskier the better?"

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"Dear Mr. Kratz: I was raped repeatedly by my husband recently and I don't know if I should take him to court for fear of reprisal. What do I do?"

"Dear tall, young, hot nymph: I'm the atty. I have the $350,000 house. I have the 6-figure career. You may be the tall, young, hot nymph but I am the prize!"

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"Dear Mr. Kratz: My boyfriend tried to strangle, rape and kill me but I'm afraid when I get on the witness stand, I'll freeze and not be able to speak out against my attacker. What advice can you give me?"

"Hey … Miss Communication, what’s the sticking point? Your low self-esteem and you fear you can’t play in my big sandbox? Or???"

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"Dear Mr. District Attorney Kratz: I was beaten so badly by my attacker that I fear I've lost all my self-esteem and that I may not speak out against any man who assaults me in the future. What do I do?"

"Dear tall, young, hot nymph: I would not expect you to be the other woman. I would want you to be so hot and treat me so well that you’d be THE woman! R U that good?"

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Ken Kratz is the former sexually harassing District Attorney of Calumet County, Wisconsin. His legal advice column is syndicated in over 850 newspapers.