Monday, May 9, 2011

Top 10 Inaccuracies re bin Laden's Death


In the excitement over the news that Navy SEALs and the CIA killed Osama bin Laden, many inaccuracies were unfortunately reported as fact. The most disingenuous claim seemed to be whether the terrorist mastermind was armed in the final moments of his life. Yet, there were other claims that had been made that weren't reported as widely. What were they?

10) Among the treasure trove of intelligence gathered by Navy SEALs was a kick-ass recipe from Bill O'Reilly for falafel sticks.

9) Moments before his death, bin Laden was about to beat his own high score on CALL TO DUTY 4.

8) That bin Laden pushed his wife to a SEAL operator, screaming, "Take my wife, please!"

7) There was a Post-It note on the refrigerator that read, "Don't worry about Obama. He's a one-termer and he'll never find you. Let's do lunch. Pervez."

6) Pornography stacked in the bathroom for casual reading such as Jihad & Jism.

5) The last entry in bin Laden's secret diary read, "Will let it be leaked out to the CIA that I'm still living in a cave receiving dialysis three times a week. Always good for a laugh."

4) Was wearing a cock ring and holding a goat tether, screaming, "This isn't Florida! I can do whatever I want!"

3) The CIA tracked him down only because he got an iPhone last Ramadan.

2) Last text message to al Zawahiri read, "Black choppers in back yard. Must I tell CIA again I will not come out of retirement?"

1) That George W. Bush should claim even an iota of credit whatsoever for this after slithering out of office nearly 2 1/2 years ago.

4 Comments:

At May 9, 2011 at 4:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bullet 4 (bin wondering who) got My GOAT! But ridicule is apropos (e.g., blowup of current photos on W's lapel pin)!! Absolutely Obamanible!!!

 
At May 9, 2011 at 5:02 PM, Anonymous ShortWoman said...

Sorry to nitpick. It's Call OF Duty 4. And that's 3 games ago now. All the cool kids are playing Call of Duty: Black Ops (CODBO for short).

 
At May 9, 2011 at 5:18 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Well, I said these were inaccuracies, right?

 
At May 10, 2011 at 12:50 PM, Anonymous Dee in NJ said...

Brilliant, as usual.

 

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