Thursday, August 4, 2011

Dear Chairman Rinsed Penis, Pt. 4


President Obama was back in Chicago last night celebrating his 50th birthday with a few of his well-heeled liberal friends -- the kind of leftist elites who can afford to shell out $35,800 to attend a party that bolsters the president's campaign coffers. It's the same crew that has already helped him raise $86 million in campaign cash this year.

I need you to do two things right now to help give Barack Obama a special "gift" from you and the Republican National Committee:

1. Please take a moment to read RNC Political Director Rick Wiley's latest campaign memo below. As you'll see, Obama's failed leadership and big government agenda is costing him with voters in key battleground states and setting the stage for Republican victory.
2. Make a donation of $25, $50, $100 or more to the RNC to help elect a Republican president AND Congress in 2012, and limit Obama to four years in the White House.

Dear Chairman Rinsed Penis:

Fucking A, Chairman Penis! How DARE the POTUS go crumpin' and celebrate his birthday by raising campaign cash? No, the time to go to fundraisers comprised by elitist political hacks is when grieving war mothers are relegated to ditches. I'm thinking, of course, when George "The Lesser" Bush drove past Cindy Sheehan 6 years ago this month on his way to a Republican fundraiser.

And Bush knew liberal elites when he saw them, because back in 2000 at a white tie event, he referred to the rich fucks in attendance as "my base."

And who does Obama think he is in celebrating a landmark birthday with the country in such a mess and with the Dow Jones losing over 500 points today? If everyone in Congress wasn't on vacation, I'd write to every Republican to complain about Al Sharpton's boy cooling his heels in ChiTown.

The President does not have the right to use his birthday to collect campaign contributions but the Republican party certainly does. I'd love to chip in a prohibitively large sum of money to fund the campaign of a Republican candidate who's yet to take the nation's conservatives by storm. But whether or not we knew who the Player to be Named Later is, I'm afraid that Obama's liberal initiatives have put a crimp in my finances and I've had to sell my cat to the Chinese restaurant in town and have been reduced to putting my fiancee to work on the street.

But fear not, Chairman Penis. All is not lost. I have heard a rumor that when the President's cake is wheeled out, Andrew Breitbart agent provocateur and butt boy Jimmy O'Keefe will be popping out wearing nothing but a thong and a minicamera taped to the head of his penis. No doubt, as with ACORN, Obama's campaign will be defunded as soon as Mr. Breitbart puts the heavily-edited video of the President looking at Mr. O'Keefe's penis on BigGovernment.com.

Your humble and obedient servant,

JP

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