Netflix Turns Qwikster into Deadster

Earlier today, Netflix CEO Reed Hastings announced on the company blog that Qwikster, their new separate DVD mail order business, was being scrapped before its debut. This decision, and the second price hike since July, cost Netflix 1,000,000 customers and 60% of its share price on Wall Street. The decision came after fielding many, many complaints from consumers who often aren't this vocal when the price of gasoline and health insurance constantly rise. This prompted Netflix to not only scrap Qwikster but also to shelve other projects and strategies it had had in store. What were they?

10) Discontinuing policy of letting board members allowing their children to make corporate decisions during "Take Your Child to Work Day."

9) Not naming spinoff companies so they're reminiscent of defunct social networking sites such as "Friendster."

8) Offering a third service where actors are sent straight to your home to reprise roles for just $129,000 per month.

7) Bundling with DVD's pouches of microwavable popcorn for just $11.99 each in order to better evoke the actual rapacious, avaricious and impersonal moviegoing experience.

6) Perhaps allowing the Free Market to dictate prices by not trying to lowball studios like Sony for distribution rights.

5) Restricting new releases to movies starring only Yahoo Serious, Coleman Francis and Rondo Hatton.

4) Scrapping chimpanzee-written algorithm that bases recommendations on viewing habits (E.g. "Since you liked the DIE HARD trilogy, we recommend BOY'S LIFE 6...").

3) Weekly newsletter mailed to all subscriber's homes featuring Reed Hastings giving you the middle finger while waving his private parts in your general direction on its masthead.

2) Standing policy of allowing its website to go down every 48 hours in order to build demand.

1) Allowing customers to pay every month by credit card or a onetime payment of one's first-born male child.