Saturday, January 26, 2013

"Give 'Em Head" Harry Strikes Again

     I guess "Give 'Em Head" Harry Reid decided that fellatio was a lot easier without that pesky spine.
     Last Thursday morning, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said something amazing to Ezra Klein of the WaPo: “I’m not personally, at this stage, ready to get rid of the 60-vote threshold.” Essentially, he pulled an Obama, negotiated in good faith with Mitch McConnell, which is like negotiating with a pissed off cobra whose basket's been used as a snare all week by Gene Krupa, and emerged thinking he'd scored a victory on filibuster reform.
     Problem: the deal didn't reform shit. They'd inserted, instead, changes to how nominations and appointments are done in the Senate. As one pro-reform aide told Klein, "“Right now, you have to negotiate with McConnell to get on a bill. Tomorrow, if this passes, you still need to negotiate with McConnell to get on a bill. It changes nothing on how we move forward.”
     So, thanks to Harry Reid, who never saw a Republican knob he didn't want to polish, we're back to the same old same old, with McConnell still permitted to act dependably as a stumbling block to any progress until Kentucky voters finally check the water supply or start drinking bottled water.
     Another problem: Reid's 60 vote super majority, which the Democrats aren't close to having and won't have for quite some time to come no matter how long Republicans continue their clown sex show in the well of the Senate, is a myth. For that one, brief, shining moment when the Democrats had 60 votes, when Norm Coleman was finally dislodged from his seat like the misplaced dingleberry he was and Al Franken was finally able to take his rightful place, the Democrats had that super majority and did what with it?
     Dick. Squat, Bupkiss. That's what. That's because even with a filibuster-proof 60 vote supermajority, you can always count on at least a half a dozen Blue Dog douchebags who technically caucus with the Democrats but often side with the Republicans to give them an unofficial majority.
     Sometimes it's scary to see because it involves flashbacks of goose-stepping soldiers and stiff-armed salutes but you have to give hidebound Republicans credit for one thing: They know how to close ranks and circle the wagons faster than 19th century homesteaders under an Apache attack. On countless occasions we've seen Republicans, far more often than Democrats, vote in lockstep for or against something to a man in both the Senate and the House.
     That kind of party discipline will always elude the Democrats, those not-so-lovable perennial losers who could've taken the momentum they've built up since Election Night last year and gotten their way. The Republicans lost the elections and would've lost the House were it not for gerrymandering. They lost on health care. They lost on women's issues. They lost the White House again. They lost on the debt ceiling. They lost on Benghazi and during Hillary Clinton's testimony (I hear Hillary's new change purse used to be Rob Portman's scrotum).
     And they would've lost on filibuster reform, which most Americans wanted, if Harry Reid had just resisted this one time to stay off his fucking knees and pull down McConnell's zipper. The Democrats, with their fractiousness and lack of party cohesion, are like that Bill Crystal character on SNL:

     "Don't you hate it when you break light bulbs on the floor, then get naked and roll around in it then rub salt in your cuts? Don't you hate when that happens?"
     That's what the Democrats will be like come Monday morning when they realized their bills that should've gone up for cloture or final votes last week are still tabled and trapped in committee. They'll wonder how this happened even as they take out the cayenne pepper-tipped bamboo shoots and start jamming them under their fingernails.

4 Comments:

At January 26, 2013 at 1:44 PM, Anonymous Comrade Rutherford said...

During the Iran/Contra hearings, Senator Inyoue led the Democrats out onto the steps of congress and bravely surrendered control of the party to the Republicans.

It took a man of Inyoue's courage and heroism to sell out the Democratic Party in the face of blatant treason committed by the Bush Administration. Inyoue promised that no matter how egregious the treason committed by Acting President Saint Reagan no Democrat would ever dare hold any Republican accountable to the law and the Constitution.

Inyoue, War Hero and Democrat Sellout. The Dems have all been moderate Republicans since that day.

 
At January 26, 2013 at 4:11 PM, Anonymous CC said...

Didn't you hear? Obama has begun Reagan's ninth straight term in the White House.

The Republicans haven't lost in over 30 years.

 
At January 28, 2013 at 8:19 AM, Blogger Bukko Canukko said...

Inverted totalitarianism. The so-called "Democrats" don't care about filibastard reform, or getting shit done, even if it's something as simple as appointing people to some government regulatory body. They care about doing what their corporate masters want. It's a one-party system, the Money Party, with the Republikkkans doing corporate bidding overtly, and the Dims pretending to be in opposition. Only they're not. However, the sheople are fooled, as the faceless grey corpomen sell off the land beneath the sheoples' feet and guide them up the gangway to the slaughtersterity house.

 
At January 31, 2013 at 4:00 PM, Anonymous Jack Hughes said...

Senate Democrats prove the Democratic Party is not a real political party. They just pretend to be one during election season.

Real political parties have "leaders" and "discipline" and an "agenda." Senate Democrats are just freelancers more interested in their personal prerogatives.

 

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