Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The GOP's 10 Lesser Demands During the Government Shutdown

     On October 16th, Congress passed an 11th hour bill allowing the government to reopen and to raise the debt ceiling. During the 16 day shutdown, the Republicans submitted what Rachel Maddow called a "long, weird, ever-changing ransom note" to Congressional Democrats and the White House that was consistently and categorically refused. Among the ransom demands: Starting construction on the Keystone XL pipeline, delaying and defunding the ACA and denying President Obama himself ObamaCare. But those were merely the most visible demands submitted by a GOP desperate to save face and to not walk away empty-handed. What were the others?
  • 10) That Rachel Maddow undergo lesbian aversion therapy.
  • 9) An amendment making it a capital offense to laugh at any Bill O'Reilly book.
  • 8) "Your name is Toby, damnit!"
  • 7) Funding for a Ted Nugent-produced white version of ROOTS.
  • 6) A provision not allowing women to vote if they're menstruating, are hysterical or "are or appear to be afflicted with the vapors."
  • 5) Senator Elizabeth Warren, duct tape, staples, Rohypnol, you get the idea.
  • 4) Wendy Davis' gubernatorial campaign HQ must be at a Hooters.
  • 3) Annual Purge Day.
  • 2) The President must use Obamacare to make his skin whiter like Michael Jackson.
  • 1) For one year, Fox News gets to refer to Ted Cruz as a Democrat without retraction.
  • 1 Comments:

    At October 22, 2013 at 1:42 PM, Blogger D. said...

    *snrk*

    (Toby?)

     

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