You're Fired

     Nopers.
     You're gone, fat man. You have become what you despise the most- A loser. A sucker who trusted that the rabid right wing who'd propelled you to your illegitimate Kremlin-conferred power would once again carry the day. And, indeed, a dispiriting number of them, 70,356,821 of them, did vote for you in contravention to the interests of the nation and democracy itself. 

     But that just means you got more votes than anyone in history who lost a presidential election.  What did you didn't count on in your arrogance and chronic dysfunction with crowd sizes was that Joe Biden and/or fear of another four years of you would turn out over 4,200,000 more voters than you. Now it's time for you to clean out the Resolute desk of those empty Big Mac boxes, enemies lists and frames of your every tweet and leave the fucking Oval Office forever in plenty enough time for the incoming Biden administration to fumigate it of that old loser smell and coronavirus.

     However, we all know you won't do that. There are a lot of things you won't do. Like call Joe Biden and concede, invite him to the Oval Office, deliver a concession speech (that you haven't written), attend the inauguration then graciously usher President Joe Biden and First Lady Dr. Jill Biden into the White House before boarding Marine One, sunnily wave goodbye to the American people and fly off into the sunset of the first day of the rest of our newly-restored democracy.

      No, no, you won't do any of that. Because you're the stereotypical sore loser. You're like Robert DeNiro's Al Capone in The Untouchables, furious after going down for tax evasion as he's restrained and impotently vowing revenge as the camera pans away. You're Baghdad Bob confidently telling the people of Iraq that the Americans have not in fact invaded even as American tanks rolled past behind him.

     You're finished and only the 3% dead-enders like Steve Scalise, Josh Hawley and Sean Hannity are screaming that the election is not over even as the federal government and every reputable mainstream media outlet acts and says otherwise.

 

     Because the election was stolen by hyper-partisan Democrats who, in the act of robbing the election from you, somehow forgot to rig the House and Senates races in their favor, too.

     No, you'll spend your remaining two and a half months in office salting the earth, again to the detriment of national security and the peaceful transition on which it depends. You will spend that time and your rapidly diminishing political capital sending down orders telling your Cabinet-level departments and other entities to not work with the incoming Biden administration. You will pettily not give them the office space they need for the meetings, not allow what few high-ranking, knowledgeable officials that had survived your four year-long vengeful terror campaign brief the Biden transition team.

     No, you're going to continue scorching and salting the earth just like Wisconsin Republican scum did two years ago right before Tony Evers took over as Governor. Because that's the Republican way. Your Republican Party's way- Spiteful, childish, venal and petty to its DNA, the Republican Party that was, inexplicably, rewarded with a larger minority in the House and, in all likelihood, retention of the Senate that got you off what was by far the most ridiculously-rigged impeachment trial in American history.

     You're going to publicly embarrass yourself and your army of lawyers by filing one frivolous lawsuit after another in Michigan, Wisconsin, Georgia, Arizona and Pennsylvania, where, in your last seven lawsuits, you're now a perfect 0-7. At least George W. Bush had James Baker III. You have Republican Uncle Fester. And in the process, you're going to show more concern for yourself and your petty power schemes than any one of the nearly 240,000 people you'd murdered with your incompetent, sadistic and blundering "response" to the pandemic.

     We voted you out because most of us want to live.

     Now, we understand you've never quite been in this situation before. Yeah, your bloated arrogance, serial infidelity and incompetence cost you your fortune, your marriage and nearly your rotten empire three decades ago. But you found another gold digger to marry you, then another. You got more loans, bridge loans, forgivable loans on which you'd inevitably defaulted. Then you found yourself in dutch with the Russians that, according to your own spawn Eric, had completely financed your golf courses.

     You will leave the Oval Office on January 20th, under your own power, perhaps with more of a Secret Service escort than a security detail not because it's the right, Constitutionally-mandated and gracious thing to do because you've never shown the slightest interest in what is right, what the Constitution says or were ever gracious except toward the tin pot dictators that hold you in thrall. No, you will leave so you can "own the libs" by denying them the chance to see you dragged out of the White House kicking and screaming like any other White House trespasser. It'll be your fear of humiliation that will force you to do the right thing.

     Someone always bailed you out, in other words. Except, this time, you can't point to certain parts on the electoral map and tell the doctors where the Democrat Party violated you. Your ridiculous lawsuits based on nothing more than hearsay and conspiracy theories will be shot down like ducks at an arcade by a Navy SEAL sniper.

     And, come whatever may with the inevitable Biden administration, 2020 will be forever known as the year when your right wing sycophants and army of amateur shysters were replaced with relentless prosecutors, creditors and plaintiffs.

     Just get the fuck out.

     Go.