Top Ten Things Auctioned Off By Twitter

    Last October, Elon Musk, the world's richest man, bought social networking giant Twitter for $44 billion. Mr. Musk had also fired the entire board and took the company private, making him the sole owner and arbiter. Recently, the social media company announced an auction of Twitter memorabilia, including office furniture and the like. But there are other things that will be featured at the auction. What are they?

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10) The new sink that Musk carried into Twitter HQ that 27 Tesla engineers tried, and failed, for 18 hours to install.

9) Laura Loomer's handcuffs.

8) NFT of a meme created by Jack Dorsey of himself before a mushroom cloud with the caption, "That South African Prick Will Destroy Everything I Worked So Hard to Create. But Hey, As Long As the Check Cleared, Right?"

7) 3000 pound blue check mark made of granite that Musk was planning on selling for $44 billion.

6) 2021 Tesla with almost no human tissue on the grille.

5) Vial of tears from the 2700 people Musk fired for no earthly reason.

4) Much smaller vial of Musk's tears after another 1200 Twitter employees quit for many good reasons.

3) Desk with message scratched out with human nails reading, "Please, Satan, give me the sweet release of death!"

2) The abandoned, hardly-used souls of those who made the grade and remain at Twitter.

1) Musk's ever-loving fucking mind (Neuralink chip optional).