Fan Mail

 

     I just got this today:

     "I PROUDLY TELL YOU ROBERT THAT I HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION ON YOU I NEED; I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU LIVE. I HAVE TOLD YOU MULTIPLE TIMES TO STOP YOUR ONLINE PROMOTIONS. THIS IS YOUR FINAL NOTICE; IF YOU STILL CONTINUE WITH YOUR PROMOTIONS ON SOCIAL MEDIA, I WILL PERSONALLY VISIT YOU WITH MY GANG AND R*PE THE B*TCH IN YOUR HOUSE. IF I DON'T LEAVE HER WITH A BLEEDING AND PAINFUL P**SY AT THE END OF IT...I AM A HORNY GUY YOU KNOW! MY BOYS WILL BRING IN SPECIAL KNIFE TO CUT OFF YOUR BALLS TOO; THEN THE REST OF THE FAMILY WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF ACCORDINGLY. WE WATCH YOUR EVERY MOVE AND EVERYTHING YOU DO ONLINE; YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM OUR EYES!"

     I don't know what your problem is with my trying to sell my book online but it's not important. All that needs to be known about you is that you're a deranged coward and that you're too stupid, too ignorant and too illiterate to be taken seriously.

     You emailed me from an account named, "noreply@anonymousemail.eu", which prevents me from directly responding to you because you're such a wet-legged fuck weasel that you piss your semen-stained pajama bottoms at the very idea of someone counterpunching you. So, as you purport to know every move I make, it should be nothing for you to read this, so listen up, Chuckles, because I'm only going to say this once:

     The last guy who threatened to send a "gang" to my house was a right wing lunatic named Hal Turner. That was 17 years ago. You don't hear much from Fat Hal these days and I have a theory as to why.

     You see, back when Hal was threatening me in the comment section of this blog, when he vowed to send neonazis to my house, I stuck to my guns and stood up for myself and my family. The next thing anyone knew, Hal was getting his house on North Bergen, NJ raided by the FBI.

     Now, granted, Fat Hal did it to himself by threatening the lives of three federal judges in Chicago. Hal eventually got sent to federal prison in Cook County for that indiscretion. You can still read about it online.

     But it was what Hal did before that is what got him in hot water. You see, right before he threatened the lives of those three federal judges, he'd threatened the lives of well over 100 lawmakers, all Democrats, who had voted on a gun control bill. Knowing that Turner had already threatened to send balloons filled with poison gas to President Obama's inauguration (Yes, like Tim Burton's Joker) and that he was putting out instructions to make ricin bombs, I knew something had to be done.

      So one night, I went online and told every Democratic congressman I could find and warned them about Turner's threat. I included quotes from his blog and even included permalinks to the post.

     The next thing anyone knew, Fat Hal was standing in a courtroom in Chicago looking very subdued and contrite. P.S. The neonazis never came to my house but that's another story for another day.

      Now, right about now, you're probably wondering in that box of spiders that passes for your brain where I come into this. Well, I'm glad you asked.

      You see, right after Fat Hal got busted at his house, one of those congresscritters (I won't say who but they're no longer in Congress) got back to me and said they took my warning under more than mere advisement and reported Hal to the FBI. Once he was on their radar, it was just a matter for them to wait until he did something stupid. And, sure enough, he threatened those three judges.

     The FBI did the rest and by that time, the Feds didn't care much if he was on their payroll as a paid informant.

     Now, I tell you this not to brag (I didn't then and I'm not now) but to state a fact. And the fact is that after 20+ years as a political blogger, I know who to reach. I know how to research and I also know how to network. And even though the FBI is being run by an Indian goon named Kash Patel, it doesn't mean federal laws aren't still being enforced at the field office and resident agency level. And just today, I heard from a friend of mine in Idaho who gave me good advice on how exactly to report this to the people at the local FBI field office whose job it is to investigate crimes like the one you'd committed today.

     

     That department within the FBI is called the Internet Crime Complaint Center, or IC3. They're built to take down craven little assholes just like you, as well as bigger fish like rogue nation states. And if they can take down rogue nation states, they should have no problem putting cowardly fistfuckers like you out of business. (By the way, here's the link to their department should you feel the need to streamline the process and turn yourself in. However, in the likelihood you choose not to do so, I'll save you the trouble and turn you in myself as soon as I publish this post.).

      Now, again, I don't care why you've made it your mission in life to keep me from selling my new book or how my doing so impacts on your miserable excuse for a life one way or the other. And again, I don't care. But your multiple threats, however real or not they are, is a serious crime. First, you threatened to rape my girlfriend.

     That tells me right there that you know shit about me aside from my first name, primary email address and that I'm doing social media promos. And that's because my last girlfriend died back in September 2023. She was creamated and is now sitting in an urn on someone's mantle in Vero Beach, Florida, so good luck making her pussy bleed, you filthy piece of shit.

     And I don't even care so much that you and your "gang" threatened to castrate me but then you follow it up by threatening my family? Dude, you plainly don't know how the world works but you don't threaten a man's family. Seriously, that just isn't done.

     Again, I don't know why you're so emotionally invested in ensuring that my new book doesn't sell but if you're really as crazy and committed as you pretend to be, if you really know where I live (and I doubt that), trust me when I say that if you darken my door, it will literally be the last mistake you ever make. I live in a gated community where access is absolutely impossible unless you have a key or passcode. The property is patrolled by armed private security. I'm surrounded by neighbors just feet from me. Now, I'm prepared to dismiss your crank letter as just that: A crank letter written by a social malcontent who gets his shits and giggles trying to terrify people into doing or not doing things for your own witless amusement.

     So here's what I'm going to do: After I report you to the FBI (and don't think that "anonymousemail.eu" domain will shield you for even a nanosecond when the FBI comes knocking on their door), I'm going on Facebook, on which I belong to scores of writing groups and I will continue putting up the permalinks to my book. Then I'll do the same thing on Twitter and Bluesky, using all the the hashtags I can fit.

     And, if you can really follow my every move then you'll have to sit there and watch helplessly as I put the word out about my new book. But do it while you can because you'll never know when the FBI will come knocking on your door, shitstain. Then, considering how horny you are, I'm sure you'll get plenty of action in the prison shower every night until your asshole is bigger than the super massive black hole at the center of our galaxy.

 

Addendum: 

     Just in case you thought I was bullshitting about reporting you, you incel cunt.