Friday, February 17, 2012

If You Have Children...

...get them away from the computer. Because what follows is so incredibly no more suitable for young, innocent eyes than it's work safe. Because JP just got over his seemingly years-long, terminal case of outrage fatigue when he read the tweet from GOProud above on Twitter. So put the kiddies to bed, take a handful of Valiums, put on some heavily-smoked glasses, grab your crosses or rosary beads and don't read what you're about to with a full mouth. Because this is going to be the filthiest, angriest post that I've ever written, a post that will make the Rude Pundit recoil in horror and say, "Jesus Christ, dude, that was rude and in bad taste! For shame, for shame! Hiss!"

No doubt since you've seen the lead picture, you know what the thrust of this post will concern. It's about GOProud, the conservative gay rights organization who decided at their soiree today in between privately making fun of the busboy uniforms and hotel decor, that we and not the right they try to represent are the enemy, the "we" being "teh Left."

This tweet was put out at 1:08 PM, just hours before Chris Christie (R-Hindenberg) vetoed the gay marriage bill passed in the NJ Senate late last night. Yet, despite Christie doing this, these stupid fucks have decided that WE'RE the bad guys here.

Really, guys? REALLY????

Did we veto a gay marriage bill in NJ today? Are we the ones that ram-rodded Prop H8 onto the ballot in contravention of California state law since it passed neither chamber in the legislature in Sacramento and take away your right to marry in CA and pour million of dollars into that effort then fight like rabid pit bulls every step of the way when one court after another said Prop H8 was unconstitutional?

Do we block anti-bullying legislation such as the GOP in Michigan? Do we shrug our shoulders at gay teen suicide as in Michele Bachmann's district? Do we defend those who literally and figuratively bash gay people? Do we try to convert you by praying away the gay? Did we ban you from CPAC this month and did one of our Senators threaten to boycott it if you weren't disinvited? Do we still blame you for the AIDS epidemic? Did we send right wing evangelicals to Uganda to help make homosexuality punishable by death (I guess it was those long-haired, left wing evangelicals who deny evolution and that the earth is round)?

How does the evil Left oppress your people and deny you the chance to enjoy the same liberties and protections as the rest of the country? You stupid fucks, you deserve the Republicans that you help elect into office if you insist on looking at us as if WE'RE the enemy and your conservative superheroes will suddenly wake up one day and let you sit at the grown-up table.

Listen up, you dumb fucks: The right wing nut jobs whose side you take hates you even more than it hates Mitt Romney. They hate you more than Barack Obama, who at least repealed Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

When the right tries to claim that our people are seeking "special rights" and "special protections", it brings two facts to light: #1, your insistence on being treated equally and without prejudice only looks special because the Republican Party and its countless surrogates in the snake-fucking, Bible-humping evangelical zombies and its various sympathizers all over the Deep South including the KKK and the John Birch Society (and other left wing racist zealots) have singled you out for special persecution. And #2, they're also saying while denying you your "special protections" and "special rights" that you as gainfully employed, tax-paying citizens are less than American or even less than human.

When the Far Right tries to claim that you're out to destroy traditional marriage, they're positioning themselves to blame the LGBT community, my community since I'm a militant bisexual, whenever some Ted Haggard or Eddie Long gets caught in bed with a male hooker or a barely-legal male parishioner. And when they're finally forced to admit that they're gay, they don't simply say, "OK, I'm out. Surprise!" No these right wing nut bags you keep defending say, "The Devil made me suck those cocks and suck out the sweet, sweeeeeeeet semen out of that rent boy's round, firm and fully-packed phallus."

Then they go to counseling and pronounce they've prayed the gay away as if homosexuality is some kind of disease on a par with, well, AIDS.

So before you go spray-painting your elephants pink, you ignorant morons, take a close look and stop being driven by the same ideological bigotry that's constantly aimed at you from all corners of the nation except the Left. We are the ones who will fight to the death for your right to bed, love and marry whomever you want. We don't care about your right wing politics when gay rights is concerned. Why do you constantly snipe at us for ours?

The right wing wants to legislate themselves into your bedrooms. And, think about it: aside from whom you sleep with, what distinguishes you from the straight community? You get up in the morning, go to work, pay your bills, your taxes, go to the vet, eat out and pursue dreams just like ordinary people. You don't go to your gay jobs, gay park your cars, pay gay taxes. When the right wing nut bags whom you keep trying to embrace tell you you cannot marry within your gender, they're also telling you your love for your fellow man or woman isn't valid, that it's shameful and disgusting and they keep quoting Leviticus.

But, unlike the right wing you keep embracing and placing in positions of power (then wonder why they keep abrogating your God-given, inalienable rights as fellow human beings), we are not obsessed with sex and who you fuck up the ass and whose cocks you suck and whether or not you swallow or spit. We liberals tend to look beyond those extremely personal issues and get right to the nitty gritty: That gay marriage has everything to do with love and freedom of choice and not sex.

We are not the enemy, you dumb assholes. We're not the ones who blame lesbians for Hurricane Katrina and 9/11. We're not the ones carrying signs saying "God Hates Fags" (Praise be to those corporation-loving, right wing activists aka Anonynmous for taking down their website) and protest the funerals of our war dead and public figures. We're not the ones who beat Matthew Shepard and Allen Schindler to bloody pulps.

Your enemy is not the ACLU or Dennis Kucinich or Alan Grayson or Michael Moore or George Soros or George Clooney or Janeane Garofalo or Alec Baldwin or any other Bogey Man your fevered, bigoted fucking minds reflexively vomit out at will. We are on your side. We are not the enemy. And we liberals will defend to the death your right to marry whomever you want, espouse whatever political opinion you want and to vote for whomever you want.

And if you can't accept that after all these decades, then you deserve the spiteful, homophobic vermin you keep electing into power.


At February 17, 2012 at 10:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I may be so rude; morally Lefteous, DUDE!

At February 17, 2012 at 11:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't have said it better myself! Now, go take a nice warm bubble bath and try to calm down. You deserve it. Maybe have some warm tea while you're in there.

At February 18, 2012 at 12:12 AM, Blogger D. said...

Two words now. Yikes.

There's a cognitive disconnect in their heads.

No, I don't get it either.

At February 18, 2012 at 2:03 AM, Blogger Chuck Butcher said...

Hmmm, not all that rude if not safe for work. Considering the provocation, well done.

At February 18, 2012 at 3:29 AM, Anonymous jill said...

Yowza! I love a righteous rant, particularly from you.

At February 18, 2012 at 7:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome, and not as nasty and horrible as you made it out to be at the beginning. Very well said. Someone needed to say it thats for damn sure.

At February 18, 2012 at 10:01 AM, Anonymous Jane E. Schneider said...

So, JP, don't hold back, tell us what you REALLY think. ;-)

Bravo, my friend! You really hit a grand slam here, and touched all of the bases. What a perfect way to (pun intended) tear GOProud a new one.

Would you mind if I link to this as TheZoo's Sunday Roast thread tomorrow? Email me if you want.

At February 18, 2012 at 10:16 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Sure, Jane, go for it. Especially since I adopted comment moderation, I can safely say that we're all friends here.

At February 18, 2012 at 2:04 PM, Anonymous bjacques said...


I was wondering what happened to the Log Cabin Republicans. They're as terminally stupid as a mynah bird saying "here kitty, kitty." Except the mynah bird doesn't know what it's saying.

At February 18, 2012 at 4:12 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

bjacques, I was beginning to wonder what'd happened to you.

Re GOProud, apparently, their founder used to be belong to the Log Cabin Republicans and he left the group to found GOProud because he felt the LCR was getting too liberal. Essentially, he was using the Reagan argument: "I didn't leave them, they left me."

Whatever. To me, they're no better than the Jewish trustees who'd aided and abetted the Nazis during WWII. They're useful idiots in the meantime but the day's going to come when they're going to openly call for the eradication of all homosexuals regardless of their political stripe.

At February 19, 2012 at 4:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, indeed! Well ranted, JP.

(Ebb from theZoo)

At February 20, 2012 at 3:39 AM, Anonymous CC said...

Republican first, gay second.

At February 20, 2012 at 9:01 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Yeah, huh? Which is ridiculous because you can change your party affiliation. You cannot change your sexual orientation. My advice to them, CC, is that they should start their own political party. Keep your core conservative beliefs, by all means, but it doesn't make any sense to Velcro oneself to a party that loathes them and constantly seeks to demonize them and strip away rights that should be accorded everyone.

At February 20, 2012 at 4:55 PM, Anonymous The Rude Pundit said...

(Tips his hat)


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