Friday, February 1, 2013

Erick Erickson, the One Man Rapture

     You have to admit, it's a pretty good time to be a liberal these days, even if the Oval Office will be occupied for the next four years by the same moderate right winger who cozies up to Wall Street psychopaths and kills innocent people with drone strikes.
     It was almost worth seeing Obama decisively win re-election last November just to see the collective reaction of right wing crackers who can't understand how a black man could get elected President even once let alone twice. Once again as with late 2008, we'd seen gun sales (and gun violence) escalating, renewed calls to repeal ObamaCare, to impeach the President for an endless variety of minor, imagined offenses, etc.
     So liberals are positively wallowing in schadenfreude at hearing that Fox "News" is now MSNBC's and Rachel Maddow's bitch at the news they're suffering through their worst ratings since just before our nation was attacked on 9/11/2001. That. plus the Senate GOP's shameless hind leg-chewing in its death throes over the Clinton hearing on Benghazi, yesterday's gun control testimony with Gabby Giffords and her husband (that was interrupted by another mass shooting in Giffords' home state of Arizona) and today's Three Stooges/Chuck Hagel confirmation hearing starring Ted Cruz, Lindsey Graham and John "I Fought at Thermopylae Without the Aid of Reincarnation" McCain.
     But fear not, Conservative-Americans, for Erick Erickson will save the day for you and the Fox "News" Network. Erick has been unmoored from CNN and is now, as we speak, floating up to the Mother Ship even as it's crashing into the shit hill of history and just in time to replace a completely irrelevant, snotty head cheerleader who shall remain nameless.
     Yes, that Erick Erickson, the same guy, the same unhinged right wing nut bag who accused the President in his feverish Mandingo fantasies of shtupping women behind the scenes and once called Supreme Court Justice David Souter a “goat-fucking child molester” (baby goats=kids=pedophilia, get it?).
     Yes, Erick Erickson's fat, pasty body is now ascending to the listing and sinking mothership to the strains of Handel's Messiah because that's what he is: The answer to Roger Ailes's ailments. How can Rachel Maddow possibly compete with a fat, sweaty redneck cock puppet who has sexual fantasies about our black president and bestiality fantasies about one of our Supreme Court justices?
     Because a dirty-minded sexual conspiracy theorist is always a much better strategy for getting back Fox's coveted 80-110 demographic than hiring someone with some credibility. Then again, anyone with credibility and a single molecule of journalistic integrity wouldn't be caught in Fox's HQ even if they were murdered elsewhere and had their body staged in Roger Ailes' office.
     The Rapture hath begun and this promises to be the most glorious union of ideologies since Bill Kristol went to work for the New York Times.
     (Update: Many thanks to C&L's Tengrain for the linkie love. If you could afford to help out the Mrs. and me, please consider doing do through the Paypal button on the top right corner. Thanks.- JP)


At February 2, 2013 at 12:31 AM, Anonymous CC said...

What, Breitbart wasn't available? Oh, that's right - Obama eliminated him. Supposedly.

At February 2, 2013 at 12:57 PM, Anonymous Patriot said...

Is it true that McCain crashed his chariot at Thermopylae?

At February 2, 2013 at 2:06 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Yes. Yes, it is. That's the only reason the Persians eventually won.


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