Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Persistance of Memory


There comes in every human's life at least a brief period where the world is more surreal than real, in which the tight reflection looking back at you is the real world and the funhouse mirror reflection is where you live. In which it seems demons instead of angels sit at the right hand of God and that the righteous and good and pure of heart are cast into Perdition or outright Damnation at the caprices of an insane Supreme Deity.

Such is my life as of June 9th, 2009. The rules have changed, and it is not even advisable to trust or believe in gravity or even Newton's Third Law of Physics. Anything you were ever taught as a child about doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, turning the other cheek and all that jazz no longer applies because someone who has no business being above you decided to change the rules.

And the rules would at least seem to imply that when you welcome into the world a beautiful little boy who would grow to love you more than almost everyone else in the world, you will be allowed to help him celebrate each birthday even if you've been demoted from a member of the immediate family to an extended member of the family. After all, it's a small child's birthday party. Presents. Cake and ice cream. Balloons. Hardly the makings for the potential of disaster.

Tell that to my ex and the Hudson Police Dept.

They paid a visit to my house clutching printouts of three emails from me to her that have already been adjudged even before being read by some hypothetical judge to be "borderline threatening." The cop said he had three such emails in his possession that he was willing to show to a judge. This is the only one I'd written yesterday that can even vaguely hope to satisfy the definition of "borderline threatening":
It doesn't sound to me as if you're respecting my wishes so...

I cannot believe, even knowing you as well as I do, that you would take it upon yourself to plan a birthday party for a child who doesn't even live there, anymore, and then deliberately not invite me knowing how much I love that child, and then not even tell the parents about it.

Because (Gavin's mother) said this morning she doesn't know anything about any such party. Which I don't believe for a minute.

It's obvious that since last winter, you've been quivering for the slightest excuse to say what you did in that last email, even though all I did was speak the truth. If I misunderstood our relationship past or present, then I guess I was misunderstanding the part where you were acting in collusion with others behind my back to keep me from Gavin's birthday party.

And you call me overly political. Look at you, turning a two year old's birthday party into a political statement and then trying to enforce a homemade restraining order on me when I ask too many uncomfortable questions. Barring me from that party (which isn't your call but the parents'), knowing how much I love that child, knowing what I've been doing for him to keep milk and food in him and diapers on him, knowing I would literally die for him, is a new low even for you. The biggest gift I got him is in (Gavin's mother's) possession and he'll be opening a major present from a grandfather who's been banned from his party and won't be permitted to see him open it.

You want to help organize and even finance a birthday party for our grandson? Fine. That's perfectly acceptable. But don't presume to disinvite me without even giving his own parents a say in the matter and archly tell me I don't need to know what plans you're making with your family. I'm getting sick and tired of being treated like this when all I've ever tried to be is nice, respectful and helpful.

So if you're planning on inviting that two-timing psychopath who's about to marry into your family and your "former SEAL" boyfriend, then Gavin's going to have one memorable party. So, if I were you, I'd immediately put the skids to whatever it is that you're planning if it involves making political statements you haven't the right to make.

It's up to (Gavin's parents) to decide who can go or not. Not you. It's a two year-old's birthday party, not a presidential inauguration.

Another notion of which you need to disabuse yourself: That you retain complete control over my life and the actions therein, that you have all the power. You. Do. Not.

God only knows what other two she and the police could possibly construe as "threatening" but that's honestly all I can find.

First of all, a little backstory. There may or may not be people there who would be very willing to do me harm and all I was saying was if I am either figuratively or literally pushed, I will push back. All I wanted to do was to be involved. Ever since last week, I have been lied to. I have been told there will be a party for him, my participation is not welcome yet the kid's parents are telling me there is no such party.

Whatever. It doesn't matter anymore.

She is so determined to destroy me and entrap me in this dark, twisted evolution of hers that everyone else has noticed that she is quite willing to deny Gavin the company of someone he loves with all his heart simply to flex some muscle, to assert her neverending control of me to the point of even dictating my comings and goings.

And when Robert stands up for himself, well, then that's proof he's mentally unstable. I so fear for his mental health. Please offer him some help, officer. I care so much for him. Now I know what Susan fucking Lindauer went through with the feds.

No pun intended, this latest drama is merely the icing on the cake. Only a very small handful of my intimates in both the real world and online, perhaps five, know what precisely is going on, things that would knock the rest of you on your ass if you weren't sitting down. I am at a point in my life where the rules no longer seem to apply and I have less and less incentive to play by those now discarded rules.

I am a man, a man with feelings, not some statue that will endlessly endure pigeon shit and garbage laid at its foundation. I am truly, honestly and sincerely not looking for trouble yet it seems to find me and I am getting sick and tired of running and cowering from it.

I had until very recently been trying to make atonements for not being the man I was supposed to be by helping loved ones as much as I could financially afford to. It only started with my grandson because his poor parents are struggling. I have tried to help other bloggers and someone else whom only my fiancee and perhaps four others know about, a person whom it cannot be said has repaid my extraordinary kindness.

I have only tried to be a better human being yet it seems the more altruistic I try to be, the more resistance and more ingratitude and more adversity I face. If that sounds melodramatic, I am sorry but that really is the only way I can put it. I have spent vast sums of money trying to provide some practical assistance to whose whom I dearly love and have gotten nothing beyond a few thanks yous. No recognition, no respect and sometimes nothing at all.

I'm living a Rodney Dangerfield monologue as illustrated by Salvador Dali. The rules no longer apply. I'm living proof that it does not pay to observe the law, to play by the rules.

All I wanted to do was go to my grandson's birthday party. I did not seek trouble. It sought me.

And I will no longer run from it, even if it derails my marriage plans.

25 Comments:

At June 9, 2009 at 11:58 AM, Blogger Lisa said...

Yikes. You say the woman is trying to "destroy" you, but really, you're destroying yourself. You're trying to get blood from a stone.

I've tried it: the stone just sits there. I think it may even smile inwardly at the thought of our struggle, if indeed stones think. If any blood comes out, the stone will use it to polish itself.

The best you can do is put the social service agencies on alert. If things are as bad as you fear, they may intervene, which may be a needful shock for the entire family. However, as a criminal, your powers dwindle.

 
At June 9, 2009 at 1:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously do any of you people work? Is life really that mundane for you that you have to sit here and comment on afffairs you no nothing about. That child is very loved and cared for. If he was in custody of someone who is unable to control his temper, make threats and who's only source of income is taking donations from lost misguided individuals then yes I would call social services, but thank God he isn't in such a person's custody. Jesus will you people just drink the red kool-aid already.

 
At June 9, 2009 at 1:56 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

You know nothing. I do work. And I haven't received a Paypal donation in weeks.

As for my grandson being loved and cared for, his grandmother, it ought to be noted, once called my buying milk for him when no one could or would, "enabling." She herself wouldn't buy milk for him half the time.

And I did not make any threats, veiled or otherwise. And if it wasn't for my remarkable powers of forbearance, several people I can think of wouldn't be drawing breath.

I will not apologize to anyone, especially anonymous commenters, for loving my grandson and wanting to continue helping out. In this economic nightmare, every little bit helps and many people need help.

 
At June 9, 2009 at 2:21 PM, Anonymous Comrade Rutherford said...

JP, just drop them.

No matter how much you love Gavin, leave them alone. Your crazy ex seems to be just itching for an excuse to screw you over, so don't give her one. Don't walk into her trap. Don't email her. If you do want to see Gavin, talk to his parents ONLY. Ignore your crazy ex.

Better yet, let go of your past life and live your new life. Stay with [name of current lover deleted] and do what makes her happy.

 
At June 9, 2009 at 2:51 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

I am not giving up on my grandson and letting the crazies win yet again. We deserve each other and he is the only bright spot in my life right now.

 
At June 9, 2009 at 2:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi guys,
It's me, the "crazy ex."

Robert - I have never told you to stay away from Gavin -- that's not my place. I told you to stop harrassing me about a perceived party from which I am excluding you. All of this is in your head! You spent all day yesterday barraging me with just vaguely threatening emails...how serious does one take something like this when they come from a man who is obviously not himself these day? When you say things like "good luck with that" when I ask you to leave me alone...not to mention your latest statement "several people I know wouldn't be drawing breath?" What's with that? I didn't talk to the Officer out of spite but I went seeking advice because I was concerned about the tone of your emails.

I'm not crazy, I'm not vindictive, I'm not trying to screw you. I'm just trying to go on with my life without being harrassed about my own family's plans by a former boyfriend who is actually NOT Gavin's grandfather - a former boyfriend who has 4 kids of his own that he should spend some time with.

You all on here don't know me and you don't know Robert -- you all should know better than to believe everything you read!

Peace, Robert, please?

 
At June 9, 2009 at 3:05 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Still stalking me online, eh? Look, you called the cops on me and told them to order me to leave me alone.

I have to ask you to do the same thing. Get the fuck out of here, stop auditing my every Craigslist ad, stop hacking into my Youtube account and deleting content and stop rifling my file cabinet and removing shit without my sayso.

Then there will be peace.

 
At June 9, 2009 at 3:53 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

JP,

We, your readers, enjoy your writing, and admittedly have been vicariously getting a soap opera feed on your personal life. I have offered heartfelt advice, but I feel we are being played for rope-a-dope.

Your game is best played by two.

 
At June 9, 2009 at 4:45 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Lisa, as usual, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Are you saying that I'm posting anonymous comments as my ex? Let me assure you that I am not.

I am being watched and I am being trolled and I am being stalked. I do not need to make this shit up. This really is my life, believe it or not.

 
At June 9, 2009 at 7:10 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

NO, JP -- I'm not saying you're fabricating. I'm saying you're dancing a pas-de-deux.

I wish to amend my earlier comment: A stone has every right to be a stone, and it is we who try and impose ourselves where we are not wanted who are the problem.

 
At June 9, 2009 at 10:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good advice from Lisa and Comrade
R ! Live your new life ...
Better than the old ... it's the
chance to do it right this time.

 
At June 10, 2009 at 7:24 AM, Blogger mary b said...

Hang in there and stand your ground!!
I went through something similar (much worse actually) involving my own child. I gave up after a very, long traumatic battle. I thought that things would work themselves out. Butwhen you have a manipulating person (or people) working on a child, you will lose if you give up.
So Don't!
Good luck. My thoughts are with you.

 
At June 10, 2009 at 7:27 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Thanks, Mary. I have no intention of giving up on my grandson.

 
At June 10, 2009 at 9:42 AM, Blogger Lisa said...

maryb,

It is neither his child nor grandchild by any relation -- either blood or marriage -- so he will lose. Because JP in fact has no claim. This is all a chimera.

Having been in a chimerical relationship I know that without any ties that bind, there is nothing when it is over. Period.

Bad advice.

 
At June 10, 2009 at 10:25 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

I'll lose, huh? We'll see about that.

Listen up: Ever since before I was forced out by those worthless ingrates, all I've been hearing is whose name is at the bottom of the mortgage and the deed. All I've been hearing about is genetics and who's really related to whom.

I have a genetic relationship to people whom I can't stand, such as my parents, for instance. All the people whom I love the most in all the world are not related to me.

When that little boy sees me, very often he comes running up to me and wraps his little arms around one of my legs. He climbs up on my lap with a book he found and wants me to read to him. Very often he'll fall asleep in my lap.

It's obvious we've had more of a connection since he first started become self-aware than he ever had with his two biological grandfathers whom he sees maybe 2-3 times a year. I was the only grandfather he had on a daily basis and I love him as if he was related to me.

And that, as far as I'm concerned, trumps genetics and ownership and any other technicality you can throw at me every single time.

 
At June 10, 2009 at 2:09 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

Right, JP, but in the eyes of the law, you're a friend, at best.

As someone else advised, go through the boy's parents if you wish to see him. Otherwise, it's a flimsy excuse to have contact with your ex.

If I were your new woman, I'd have pause that you were actually over it (what may have been an emotionally abusive relationship for you.)

 
At June 10, 2009 at 2:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please J.P., stop feeling sorry for yourself and acting so helpless. Look at all you have done to get where you are today and how many people have helped you and reached out to you.

Maybe you should just lie low for awhile and not give this woman ammo to come after you and make your life miserable.

I don't know any details about what is going on in your life besides what I occasionally read on this blog but remember this:

Success is the best revenge. Do well by yourself and let the spirit flow. Karma always has a way.

Stop talking like a victim. Maybe the person you so despise is getting off by seeing you behave like one.

 
At June 10, 2009 at 6:15 PM, Anonymous Lisa G said...

I agree with Comrade and many posters above - I think you all need a 'time out'. Give it some time to settle down, work with Gavin's mom and things will work out.

Seriously, with all this drama, your life is starting to sound like mine, and I'm a *girl*. (That was supposed to be funny, so have a sense of humor please...)

 
At June 10, 2009 at 6:52 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Well, in order for me to work things out with his Mom, she has to answer my emails, which she hasn't been doing lately. Instead, she's been passing my private emails to people who shouldn't be seeing them because she like to stir up trouble for the hell of it.

Bottom line: The most outgoing person in this disintegrating circle of people is the one who is becoming the most universally hated even though I have broken no laws, threatened no specific person and was virtually that child's sole source of sustenance for months.

And all I asked was to get involved with his birthday celebration. That's all. That's all they had to grant me, which is certainly the very least due to me. Genetics be damned.

 
At June 12, 2009 at 3:15 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

Feed yourself.

Like the instructions on the oxygen mask in the plane says, "Put your own mask on, first."

You don't do "child support," b/c you are no filial relation to this family. Sounds like y'all just shacked up for a few years. Sure you've got feeling, but you've got to get over them.

 
At June 12, 2009 at 4:40 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Lisa, for the last time, I am not saying saying no to my grandson if he needs food and/or milk. I am feeding myself. I can do both.

 
At June 12, 2009 at 8:22 PM, Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At June 12, 2009 at 8:23 PM, Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At June 12, 2009 at 8:24 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

JP,

Tough-love: He's not your grandson. You were not the husband of his grandmother. Zippo relationship, other than he is the only one not old enough to tell you amscray.

You're holding onto a feeling of belonging in a place you don't belong. Make a new love, unfettered of this angst.

*sigh*

 
At June 12, 2009 at 10:54 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Don't you dare tell me who I can or can't love or consider family, OK, Lisa? I get enough of that from two-timing right wing whack jobs who had less of a right to be in that family than me.

I'm no more interested in genetic codes than my grandson when people waving around technicalities like names on mortgages and deeds and genetic code are people who plainly aren't worth listening to. That child loves me as much as I love him that that, as far as I'm concerned, is the tie that binds.

 

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