Friday, June 5, 2009

We're Not in California Anymore, Toto.

(Tip o' the tinfoil hat to Jill Hussein at Brilliant at Breakfast.)

For any fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000, have you ever wondered what it would be like to riff on political figures as they're giving speeches? Well, unless you enjoy a good tasering, it wouldn't be a good idea these days to interrupt our elected wind machines.

Fortunately, we have AK Muckraker from Alaska. Recently, AK went to a Sarah Palin speech in which he had a ringseat seat to Alaska's Governor's wrestling match with the English language. You guys have praised me taking one for the team for dipping into FreeperLand for a few minutes and reporting the results. But actually sitting through a twin bill of Sarah Palin and Michael Reagan, transcribing the text, then having to retype it demonstrates a devotion that's above and beyond the call of duty, a quasi-suicidal one that borders on calling for an intervention.

Plus, as an added bonus feature, AK even interjected some snarky commentary like an MST3K wannabe cracking wise with his best friend beside him. Talk about being in the belly of the Beast.

AK Muckraker's post, "Screw Political Correctness", an actual quote from Palin, is a masterpiece of transcendental transcribance (shit, her fractured command of English is actually communicable!), one that cannot merely be squeezed between others into a "Twenty Bucks Same as in Town". No, no, this is the Porsche 911 of blog posts. What follows below is a sample:
But, we have to remember first that Ronald Reagan never won any arguments in Washington. He won the arguments by resonating with the American people. Those of us so proud to be Americans, and willing to acknowledge that no, we’re not a perfect nation, but never never do we have to apologize for being proud of our country. (applause)

(What does that even mean??)

So Ronald Reagan spoke to us then with us here in our hearts is where he reached us, and that’s where he won the arguments and then, this was, this was the good part, we the American people through him, we imposed our will on Washington, and that is the way it’s supposed to be.

(I think that sentence may get the Word Salad award.)

Our government is supposed to be working for us, we are not to be working for our government. It’s our will to be imposed on them. (applause) He captured our hearts so he could affect positive change by what he did. He focused on our kids, on our children, on their future, on the future of America. And when he fought socialism and any sort of tyranny that he knew would ruin us, he stood strong on his knowing that the framework through which he believed that positive change that framework for our kids, it was freedom.

(Wait…….maybe it was that one)

And so forth and so on for 17, that's seventeen, torturous minutes of historical and intellectual waterboarding. Standing tall in her cork and red leather shoes, she was still delivering her hazy hagiography while introducing Michael Reagan, a man who recently advocated shoving grenades up the rectums of Arabic infants and blowing them up.

So put on your Steger Moosehide Mukluks and tromp on over to the Mudflats and read this massive but hilarious post. After all, if this poor bastard could sacrifice some brain cells listening to Sarah Palin and Michael Reagan all night long, then transcribe their lunacy not once but twice, you can sit through the fruits of his labor for 5-10 minutes. However, as a friendly advisory, I can't guarantee it won't be less traumatic than Mancow's brave 6 seconds of waterboarding.


At June 5, 2009 at 7:35 PM, Anonymous AKMuckraker said...

Hey, thanks for the nice writeup! I've almost completed the mental detox after that horrifying event.

A slightly shortened version is up on Huffington Post.

Loved your take!

At June 5, 2009 at 7:36 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Thanks, dude. Just riding on your coattails.

At June 5, 2009 at 10:48 PM, Anonymous Foxwood said...

I will not live in a Socialist/Communist America. That's were we are heading. To learn is to know.

At June 6, 2009 at 3:30 AM, Blogger William N. Grigg said...

First of all, "riffing" political speeches ala MST3K is the only way my older kids and I can endure them. (My oldest son William is 11, and he already displays a mordancy worthy of Tom Servo; too bad he can't sing like Kevin Murphy, but then again, who can?)

As to the other item mentioned in the closing graphs of your piece:

In addition to being an impenetrable mush-mouth and an idiot of such magnitude he makes Sean Hannity look like Wittgenstein, Michael Reagan is a turdball with a center composed of pure hatred.

I hadn't heard his comment about sodomizing (how else can you describe it?) Arab infants with high explosives and then murdering them, but that's entirely in keeping with other hate-saturated stuff that has dribbled down Reagan's grimy, flabby chins.

I literally grit my teeth and weep every time I see photos of what our government has done to children in the Middle East. I don't know how any decent person can do otherwise, irrespective of the political or religious nonsense their parents are involved in. Children should be entirely off limits -- especially babies, for God's sake!

Reagan professes to be a Christian; he makes a great show of working on behalf of abused children, and of his purported "pro-life" convictions. Yet he believes that summarily murdering Arab children would be morally defensible.

Honestly, this may be the single ugliest thing to emerge from the skull-cave of a Rabid Right figure of any stature. God help Reagan if he ever came within takedown radius of me; he'd either end up in traction or at least fitted for the millstone he richly deserves.

At June 6, 2009 at 8:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dear Foxwood,
1) why, because the capitalists did such a good job? it's not just the system, it's who's in charge of it.
2) that's "where"; learn to spell.


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

KindleindaWind, my writing blog.

All Time Classics

  • Our Worse Half: The 25 Most Embarrassing States.
  • The Missing Security Tapes From the World Trade Center.
  • It's a Blunderful Life.
  • The Civil War II
  • Sweet Jesus, I Hate America
  • Top Ten Conservative Books
  • I Am Mr. Ed
  • Glenn Beck: Racist, Hate Monger, Comedian
  • The Ten Worst Music Videos of all Time
  • Assclowns of the Week

  • Links to the first 33 Assclowns of the Week.
  • Links to Assclowns of the Week 38-63.
  • #106: The Turkey Has Landed edition
  • #105: Blame it on Paris or Putin edition
  • #104: Make Racism Great Again Also Labor Day edition
  • #103: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toilet edition
  • #102: Orange is the New Fat edition
  • #101: Electoral College Dropouts edition
  • #100: Centennial of Silliness edition
  • #99: Dr. Strangehate edition
  • #98: Get Bentghazi edition
  • #97: SNAPping Your Fingers at the Poor edition
  • #96: Treat or Treat, Kiss My Ass edition
  • #95: Monumental Stupidity double-sized edition
  • #94: House of 'Tards edition
  • #93: You Da Bomb! edition.
  • #92: Akin to a Fool edition.
  • #91: Aurora Moronealis edition.
  • #90: Keep Your Gubmint Hands Off My High Pre'mums and Deductibles! edition.
  • #89: Occupy the Catbird Seat/Thanksgiving edition.
  • #88: Heil Hitler edition.
  • #87: Let Sleeping Elephants Lie edition.
  • #86: the Maniacs edition.
  • #85: The Top 50 Assclowns of 2010 edition.
  • #(19)84: Midterm Madness edition.
  • #83: Spill, Baby, Spill! edition.
  • #82: Leave Corporations Alone, They’re People! edition.
  • #81: Hatin' on Haiti edition.
  • #80: Don't Get Your Panties in a Twist edition.
  • #79: Top 50 Assclowns of 2009 edition.
  • #78: Nattering Nabobs of Negativism edition.
  • #77: ...And Justice For Once edition.
  • #76: Reading Tea Leaves/Labor Day edition.
  • #75: Diamond Jubilee/Inaugural Edition
  • #74: Dropping the Crystal Ball Edition
  • #73: The Twelve Assclowns of Christmas Edition
  • #72: Trick or Treat Election Day Edition
  • #71: Grand Theft Autocrats Edition
  • #70: Soulless Corporations and the Politicians Who Love Them Edition
  • Top 10 Things Donald Trump Said to President Obama
  • Paul Ryan's Top Ten Conditions on Running for the Speakership
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Mitt Romney Won't Run for President in 2016
  • Top 10 Results of the NYPD's Work Slowdown
  • Top 10 Secret Service Security Breaches
  • Top 10 LA Radio Shows That Are Rated Higher Than Rush Limbaugh's
  • Top 10 Reasons Operation American Spring Went Flat
  • Top Ten Facts of the MH370 Air Disaster
  • Top 10 Tips for GOP Congressmen Running Against Women
  • Top 10 Signs Walmart's Mistreating its Workers
  • Top 10 Diversions John McCain Found During Syria Hearing
  • Top 10 George Zimmerman Excuses for Speeding.
  • Top 10 Reasons Paula Deen Got Fired by the Food Network
  • Top Ten Ways Pope Francis is Deviating From Convention
  • Top 10 Reasons For the Pope's Resignation
  • Top 10 Emails Hacked From the Bush Family's Email Accounts
  • Top 10 Lies Told by Mitt Romney at the 2nd Debate.
  • Top 10 Examples of How Hard the Campaign Trail is on Ann D. Romney.
  • Top 10 Ways to Tell The Boston Red Sox Are Finished.
  • Top 10 Things Mitt May be Hiding in His Tax Returns.
  • Top 10 Events at the Romney Olympics.
  • Mitt Romney's Top 10 Wild & Crazy Moments.
  • Top Ten Reasons Why Dick Cheney Got a Heart Transplant.
  • Top 10 Facts About Tonight's New England/Denver Game.
  • My Top 10 Resolutions.
  • Top 10 Rejected Slogans of the Romney Campaign.
  • Top 10 Reasons Herman Cain Suspended His Campaign.
  • Top 10 Trending Topics on Twitter During #OWS Eviction.
  • Top 10 Herman Cain Pickup Lines.
  • Top 10 Changes Since Anthony Weiner Decided to Resign.
  • Top 10 Inaccuracies re bin Laden's Death.
  • Top 10 Ways to Prevent a TSA Patdown.
  • Top Ten Things Not to Say When You're Pulled Over.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Bowed Out of the Presidential Race.
  • Top 10 Ways Evangelicals Will Prepare for the Rapture II.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Today's Parliament Inquiry into News Corp.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why There Was No Vote on the Debt Ceiling Last Night.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Dick Cheney's Upcoming Memoir.
  • Top Ten Ways Americans Will Observe the 10th Anniversary of 9/11.
  • Top Ten Advances in Women's Rights in Saudi Arabia.
  • Top Ten Inaccuracies in Bill O'Reilly's Book About Lincoln.
  • Top Ten Suggestions From the Cat Food Commission.
  • Top Ten Worst Moments in George W. Bush's Presidency.
  • Top Ten Facts in George W. Bush's Memoir.
  • Top Ten Reasons Terry Jones Postponed His Koran Burning
  • Top 10 Causes for Dick Cheney's Congestive Heart Failure
  • Top Ten Ways That Jan Brewer Will Celebrate Cinco de Mayo
  • Top Ten Demands in Sarah Palin's Contract
  • Top Ten Whoppers in Karl Rove's New Book
  • Top 10 Items Left Behind in Rush Limbaugh's Apartment
  • Top Ten Things Barack Obama said to Rush Limbaugh in the Hospital
  • Top Ten Bizarre Promos Offered by the New Jersey Nets
  • Top 10 Bush Executive Orders Labor Wants President Obama to Repeal
  • George W. Bush's Top Ten Lesser Achievements
  • Empire Of The Senseless.
  • Conservative Values for an Unsaved World.
  • Esquire's Charles Pierce.
  • Brilliant @ Breakfast.
  • The Burning Platform.
  • The Rant.
  • Mock, Paper, Scissors.
  • James Petras.
  • Towle Road.
  • Avedon's Sideshow (the new site).
  • At Largely, Larisa Alexandrovna's place.
  • The Daily Howler.
  • The DCist.
  • Greg Palast.
  • Jon Swift. RIP, Al.
  • God is For Suckers.
  • The Rude Pundit.
  • Driftglass.
  • Newshounds.
  • William Grigg, a great find.
  • Brad Blog.
  • Down With Tyranny!, Howie Klein's blog.
  • Wayne's World. Party time! Excellent!
  • Busted Knuckles, aka Ornery Bastard.
  • Mills River Progressive.
  • Right Wing Watch.
  • Earthbond Misfit.
  • Anosognosia.
  • Echidne of the Snakes.
  • They Gave Us a Republic.
  • The Gawker.
  • Outtake Online, Emmy-winner Charlotte Robinson's site.
  • Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo
  • No More Mr. Nice Blog.
  • Head On Radio Network, Bob Kincaid.
  • Spocko's Brain.
  • Pandagon.
  • Slackivist.
  • WTF Is It Now?
  • No Blood For Hubris.
  • Lydia Cornell, a very smart and accomplished lady.
  • Roger Ailes (the good one.)
  • BlondeSense.
  • The Smirking Chimp.
  • Hammer of the Blogs.
  • Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
  • Argville.
  • Existentialist Cowboy.
  • The Progressive.
  • The Nation.
  • Mother Jones.
  • Vanity Fair.
  • Citizens For Legitimate Government.
  • News Finder.
  • Indy Media Center.
  • Lexis News.
  • Military Religious Freedom.
  • McClatchy Newspapers.
  • The New Yorker.
  • Bloggingheads TV, political vlogging.
  • Find, the next-best thing to Nexis.
  • Altweeklies, for the news you won't get just anywhere.
  • The Smirking Chimp
  • Don Emmerich's Peace Blog
  • Wikileaks.
  • The Peoples' Voice.
  • CIA World Fact Book.
  • IP address locator.
  • Tom Tomorrow's hilarious strip.
  • Babelfish, an instant, online translator. I love to translate Ann Coulter's site into German.
  • Newsmeat: Find out who's donating to whom.
  • Wikipedia.
  • Uncyclopedia.
  • Icasualties
  • Free Press
  • YouTube
  • The Bone Bridge.
  • Powered by Blogger