Top 10 Tips for GOP Congressmen Running Against Women

     Today in Politico, it was reported that Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Ohio) and the National Republican Campaign Committee had sent Republican subordinates to an ad hoc charm school in order to teach them and their aides on how to address women, especially those running for their seats. This is part of the GOP's new outreach program designed to show they can be just as sensitive as their colleagues on the left side of the aisle. In the words of Politico, this means the NRCC "wants to make sure there are no Todd Akin-style gaffes next year." What were some of the top ten suggestions made to these Republicans about how to address women?

10) "Women can shut down their ovaries after a legitimate rape but we'll stay mum on that until the results of Ted Nugent's study comes in."

9) "Keep your clubs wrapped in velvet until after the election."

8) "When ordering your female staffers to get your coffee, pick up your dry cleaning and buy your wife an anniversary present, it helps to say 'Please.'"

7) "No more jokes about women casting hormone-influenced votes once a month if they're past menopause."

6) "No, Congressman Rokita, Muslim fundamentalists are not onto something."

5) "They will not sit on your face when asked, not even during your victory speeches."

4) "Rush was right about Sandra Fluke but let's not admit it until after the polls close next year and 2016."

3) "Remember your back braces on the campaign trail so your knuckles don't drag on the ground."

2) "Wendy Davis isn't running for Congress so she's still fair game."

1) "For those of you running against women, this may be a good time to rethink using file footage of Indira Gandhi and Benazir Bhutto and the caption, 'Maybe women and politics don't mix' in your campaign ads."