I'm the Worst Dad on Earth

     No job is too simple for Super Stupid dad to fuck up. My youngest son graduated high school today at Marlborough, MA High School. This is the beginning of Commencement and, somehow, I figuratively got caught with my pants down. The camera's power saver feature had shut it off and by the time I got the camcorder up and running again, my son had passed by me.


     I thought they were going to call out the kids' names in alphabetical order like they used to and by the time they called my son's name, my camcorder had shut itself off yet again and I got it powered up and recording just in time to catch Jake as he was walking off stage left (or right, depending on your perspective. Either way, he's at the right of the screen right after getting his sheepskin). The principal that had transferred expelled him, of course, gave out the diplomas. Further right is the asshole who'd racially profiled him and claimed last fall he'd been drinking during school hours when all he'd used was hand sanitizer. I hope he spit on his shoe before walking off the stage.


     This is the end of Commencement four and a half days later. That's my boy Jake in center frame about 16 seconds in, the black kid wearing sunglasses and looking very bored and cool at the same time. It'll take about 24 hours to get that sad, boring song out of my head.
     I loved watching my son getting his diploma but I'm also relieved I'll never again have to sit through these endless snoozefests that grownups co-opt and, somehow, without seeming to, make all about themselves as surely as the graduation parties that follow. And it'll be a while before I get out of my nostrils the nauseating combination of body odor and deodorant.