In His Final Moments...

     ...Jeffery Epstein died doing what he lived for his whole life- ejaculating.
     Yes, just after 6:30 this morning, guards at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Manhattan "found" child molester and Trump's running buddy hanging midair in his cell, the victim of autoerotic strangulation gone horribly wrong (or horribly right, depending on whether Epstein was blackmailing you or not).
     While he was supposedly on suicide watch after the last incident involving a dirty cop.
     As Charlie Pierce just said, "Nobody will ever believe the official story on this."
     Mike Flannigan informs me he'll be doing a full-length piece on this later today, since "even (his) pit bull boss Ari Goldstein's treating this story like it's a mutant strain of Hanta virus."
     Stay tuned.