Mayor Rudy: A Gentleman Who Keeps His Hands to Himself

     "JP, what the fuck is this?" you might ask. "You realize I haven't had dinner, yet, right?"

     "What the fuck do you think it is?" I'd retort.

     "Uh, it's a young woman with a cadaver in some sick Eastern European snuff porn flick?"

     "The world's unsexiest sex doll?"

     "Al Bundy, the Final Years?"

     Well, none of you would be completely off.

     That's a still from Sacha Baron Cohen's new Borat movie that punked Mike Pence at the last CPAC last February when Cohen, in a bloated Donald Trump costume, burst into the auditorium with a woman on his shoulders and yelled, "Mike, I have a girl for you!" while Pence was delivering a speech.

     Sadly, because Mike Pence's entire body is a Viagra-engorged erection and is incapable of even bending at the waist, nothing incriminating was captured except the "vice president's" face turn red with indignation. Mayor Rudy, on the other hand, proved to be more... accommodating.

     Yes, that's Mayor Rudy, America's Mayor, Mr. 9/11 himself, pleasuring himself after getting roped into going into a hotel room with Maria Bakalova, the Bulgarian actress who portrayed Borat's daughter in the movie. Bakalova's character was posing as a right wing journalist with Giuliani then lured him into a hotel room.

     Then, the 76 year-old Mayor Rudy proceeded to stick his hand down his pants to keep his little World Trade Tower from falling, plainly without realizing that Bakalova's room was wired with the movie studio's cameras. Then, before things got, er, out of hand, Sacha Baron Cohen then burst into the room and yelled, “She’s 15. She’s too old for you.”

     Mayor Rudy then called the police who'd found no evidence of a crime, aside from Giuliani polishing his little prosecutor.

     Then, in a supreme irony, Rudy then gave an interview with the New York Post that had recently thrown a flaming bag of dog shit on America's door stoop in the form of the Hunter Biden "story" that was quickly revealed to be a fabrication of Russian intelligence, that was hand-delivered by Rudy. In it, when he found out it was Cohen, he congratulated himself on not getting punked.

      “I only later realized it must have been Sacha Baron Cohen. I thought about all the people he previously fooled and I felt good about myself because he didn’t get me.”

     

 

     Yeah. You're sure about that, are you?

     This comports almost perfectly with the account given to us last December in journalist Olivia Nuzzi's justly legendary piece, "A Conversation With Rudy Giuliani Over Bloody Marys at the Mark Hotel." It revealed Giuliani as we'd already suspected him to be- A drooling, senile, sloppy old man who remains blissfully unaware that his fly is down, drinks too much and leaves his cell phones in taxis.

     So, yeah, this is the guy who two months later got punked by Sacha Baron Cohen in the most humiliating of ways then ran to the NY Post with the biggest nothing burger in the history of right wing journalism. This is someone we're supposed to trust?

     This is the guy who was having an affair with a married woman before he and his ex wife Judith Nathan separated and, when they were seen canoodling in New Hampshire, Nathan filed for divorce. So, Giuliani perfectly represents the sleaze factor that's a prerequisite in many men who work for Donald Trump.