Greenwatergate.

      It can be said that the stupider a person or administration is, the likelier they'll inevitably reach a supreme irony or a perfect delineation of their stupidity. With that theory in mind, I give you the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

     Back in 1973, when my family took me to tour Washington DC as a 14 year-old boy, we saw the reflecting pool. Back then, it looked like a swamp. Algae infested the pool, it was covered with leaves. The water looked as disgusting as that on the boat rides at amusement parks. The Nixon administration plainly never gave it a single thought. With Watergate blooming like algae on a hot summer day, they plainly had bigger things to worry about.

     I left the Reflecting Pool feeling pretty underwhelmed.

     But what the Nixon administration didn't do was waste taxpayer dollars on a quick fix that was guaranteed not to work, especially after failing to consult with experts who actually knew what they were talking about. Nixon didn't dispatch the National Guard and multiple police departments to arrest people for touching the paint flakes that were floating to the surface. Nixon didn't choose that particular hill to die on.

     That's what Watergate was for.

     But the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, one of the most revered monuments in Washington DC and anywhere in the country, is the hill that Trump wants to bravely die on. He decided he wanted to improve it. And when Trump decides to try his hand at improvements, well... We all know by now what happens.

     American Flag Blue was the color he settled on (Any expert can tell you that dark colors absorb and radiate heat more effectively than light colors). So he gave a no-bid contract to a guy who's a friend of his in Palm Beach, a guy named John Cafaro who runs a company that had gotten just one government contract. Cafaro had donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to Trump and got a $1.7 million contract to install a nano bubble device that's supposed to kill algae. It was installed by Cafaro's company, one named (God, you just can't make this shit up) Greenwater Services.

     Cafaro also has a rather checkered past. Among other things, according to Cleveland.com, "In 2021, he pleaded guilty to bribing former Congressman James Traficant Jr., an Ohio Democrat, and was expected to testify against him, the Times reported. In 2020, he pleaded guilty to a campaign finance crime..."

     Of course, Trump is attracted to criminal figures like algae in a shallow, stagnant pool of water during a heat wave. Naturally, such a crook, and a generous one, at that, would get a plum contract even though he had no such relevant experience. What was supposed to be a mere $1.7 million expenditure turned into a nearly $15 million boondoggle that yielded few if any results aside from algae blooming like wildfire right after they turned the water back on.

     Within a day or so, the water turned green. Yes, the guy who'd promised to "drain the swamp" wound up giving us a new one.

     So, what did they do? They sent workers to the Reflecting Pool to pour gallons of hydrogen peroxide into it. Now, hydrogen peroxide is a great disinfectant when you have an open wound but it also does other things. For one thing, it oxidizes things like paint and acts as a stripper. Days after the hydrogen peroxide was poured into the water, the "American Flag Blue" sealant that had coated the bottom of the Reflecting Pool began peeling off and floating the surface like a mob hit in the East River.

     Naturally, Trump wasted no time in blaming the left. He got on Truth Social and raged that saboteurs had somehow jumped into the pool and cut a 250 foot-wide swath with a knife (while remaining invisible to video cameras). He accused the left of pouring corrosive chemicals into the Reflecting Pool (like hydrogen peroxide?). Basically, he blamed everyone but himself (of course).

     Now the Park Police, the DC Metro police and the Park Service are keeping guard over the pool and fighting a passive losing battle over a single-celled organism. A three time Olympian had reached into the water and pulled out a piece of paint and was promptly arrested and charged with... something. Trump uncovered a vast conspiracy, crowed about many arrests. Jeanine Pirro vows to throw the book at such dangerous left wing terrorists.

     Everything Trump touches dies, according to Rick Wilson. Everything, that is, except algae.