Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Ann Coulter Falls From Grace, Breaks Jaw

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And as with the primaries, St. Nick's moved up the schedule.

Apparently, when Ann Coulter fell down last month, she broke her jaw and was too stupid to realize it. The NY Post's Page 6 and the Oregonian are reporting that Coulter had to have her jaw wired shut. To be honest with you, I first thought, "Well, that's what happens when you try to stuff too many Republican cocks in your mouth. Maybe she should've learned to unhinge her jaw like the true snake she is."

Of course, we're not allowed to indulge in schadenfreude. Oh, heavens to Betsy, no. Even after all the vile bile that Coulter has spewed about us and everyone else who doesn't subscribe to her hateful, razor-narrow world view. We're not supposed to take vicarious delight in the fact that the world just got a little more beautiful because Ann Coulter broke her jaw and had to have it wired shut. This is someone who publicly ridiculed 9/11 widows, said Timothy McVeigh should've bombed the NY Times building and once insulted a disabled veteran on MSNBC for not dodging a mine by saying, "No wonder you guys lost."

Oh sure. I'll turn the other cheek... so you can kiss both sides of my ass.

Sez StoptheACLU:
I’m not the biggest Ann Coulter fan out there. I think she says things that are way out of line just for the controversy, and attention for selling books. However, when we learned that Teddy Kennedy had brain cancer we didn’t make jokes about it. It would have been easy to do, but we asked our readers to pray for him.

Really, sport? Define "we."

When the news that Kennedy was stricken with brain cancer, Sundrieshack said,
I don’t feel any sympathy for him. Certainly, I’m not glad that he’s been stricken so. The news doesn’t make me happy but neither does it make me sad.

I’m sure that some will see this and deride me. Okay, fine. Have at it. I can’t find room in my heart to feel sorry for a man who left such misery and wreckage behind him in his gargantuan quest for more pleasure and power. The guy left the corpse of a young girl in his wake without suffering any real earthly justice. He’s slandered and lied his way through Congress for decades without losing a bit of adoration from his friends in the press or anyone in his party. Even today, the president calls him “my friend” which, I must say, causes me a little bit of pause.

No, I can’t find sympathy for a man like that...

Snapped Shot weighed in with this classy headline: "Malignant Politician Infected with Kindly Brain Tumor."

Michael Savage, of course, had to get his two cents worth when Kennedy's brain tumor was diagnosed and he was so vile that even the Freepers condemned him.

So should Coulter receive a dispensation from us? No. And there are three reasons why:

1) Ms. Coulter's not fighting for her life.

2) Ms. Coulter is a conservative political pundit and media professional, not a democratically-elected official deserving of the dignity of Kennedy's office or his tenure.

3) Ms. Coulter is a rancid, screaming, squirting cunt who can still use her fingers to type her filth and is far from defenseless.

And, frankly, I can't possibly think of a happier sequel to Coulter having to hold a book signing last April in a ladies room.


At November 25, 2008 at 10:43 PM, Blogger Jimmie said...

Which part of my post did you misconstrue as joking about Kennedy's illness? You obviously ignored where I wrote that "I certainly won’t gainsay the folks who do keep him close to their hearts tonight in prayer" and even though you quoted my saying specifically that I was neither happy nor sad, you seemed to ignore it completely.

Your characterization of my post is wrong, but I understand that you need some way to justify your morbid glee at Coulter's injury, so if twisting my sentiments makes you feel better, have a ball.

Just don't hurt yourself jumping for joy, okay? I'd hate to have enabled your injury.

At November 25, 2008 at 10:49 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Your compassion was almost as palpable as your own nastiness.

Even when the news of Kennedy's brain tumor was reported, you still had to make it on a referendum of Kennedy's failings or perceived failings.

Why can't you fucking wingnuts simply take things at face value and show some unconditional human fucking compassion? Even Malkin had more class than you and that's saying a lot.

Plus the difference is obvious but since you're Republican I'll make it more obvious:

Kennedy's fighting for his life.

Coulter's still trying to do the audiobook version of her latest bile delivery system.

At November 26, 2008 at 12:24 AM, Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

piss on ann coulter. she represents the worst of the "politics as entertainment" crap.

she can't write, she isn't witty, she spews hate and venom mindlessly for profit.

no mercy, no compassion.

you get what you give bitch.

At November 26, 2008 at 1:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To hell with Coulter. I guess a lot of wingnuts are going to be moreso extremely agitated since she'll no longer have the ability to fluff their Viagra fueled units of reproduction. Perhaps she fluffed an over enthusiastic repud? Ya know,this is proof that wignuts take the catchphrase "Drill Baby DRILL",quite literally.


Go fuck yourself.

At November 26, 2008 at 3:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this fer sher verified? I've seen numerous references to it on blogs, but the original source was supposed to be Page 6 in the New York Poop. I checked the site; couldn't find the original. I'm skeptical of anything I hear on the Internets toobez that seems too happy to be true, unless I get it from a good source.

That said, how does a woman Cunter's age get a broken jaw? Abuse? Or more likely, given her demeanor, the result of falling down due to drunkenness or substance abuse? I'd like to hear the back story. It's probably more interesting than the jaw-wiring bit.

At November 26, 2008 at 7:05 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

The Oregonian, to which I'd also linked, gives more details on it. It would explain where Coulter's been for the last month, a question we've all been asking.

At November 26, 2008 at 7:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


No fundamental problems with your criticisms of Coulter. But the references to "cocks in the mouth" and calling her "cunt" is, frankly, offensive.

If you cannot figure out why calling a woman -- ANY woman -- a "cunt" is sexist then you are either ignorant or dishonest.

I recommend that you attempt to distinguish yourself from Coulter by, first, not always allowing the first thought that pops into your head to come out of your mouth (or pen or keypad).

At November 26, 2008 at 7:20 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Sure, I'll admit it was the first thought that popped into my head.

Then it was my second, third, fourth, etc. I still couldn't find a better word to describe her.

Considering all the death threats she's made against people (unconverted Muslims, the NY Times staff, liberals, etc.), I'd say, in the balance, my appraisal of Coulter is considerably less offensive than her usual comments.

At November 26, 2008 at 8:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hadn't really thought of her in this context before, but anorexic + big drinker + smoker + menopausal + glass jaw = probably huge case of osteoporosis.

Like everyone else, I'd have more sympathy if she'd ever shown any herself.

- Molly, NYC

At November 26, 2008 at 10:11 AM, Blogger BrianX said...

I'm sorry, but I have to think Annie is fair game for sexist snark because she's always made being a (somewhat) attractive woman part of her schtick in a way that someone like Michelle Malkin never has (hell, Coulter is never explicit about it, but she isn't above dropping hints about her own promiscuity either). It's like telling Phyllis Schlafly to go to the kitchen and get someone a sandwich -- you're hitting her with her own hypocrisy.

That said, I can't allow myself more than a snicker because, frankly, even Ann Coulter doesn't deserve this. Anyway, she hasn't had much media attention lately so it's of little value.

At November 26, 2008 at 11:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just when I think that God has abandoned us he comes up with something like this. Thank you Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes I am enjoying this to the utmost. A little schadenfreud (sp)? never hurts anyone especially when the object is a republican looney toon that is the skankiest woman I've ever seen and trust me I've seen a few in the past.

At November 26, 2008 at 1:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I still couldn't find a better word to describe her."

Your writing in the past demonstrably shows that that this cannot be true.

"Considering all the death threats she's made against people . . . my appraisal of Coulter is considerably less offensive than her usual comments."

Non-responsive and misplaced. By that logic, it would be justifiable for me to describe Idi Amin as a "nigger", on grounds that my "appraisal" is "considerably less offensive" than Amin..

At November 26, 2008 at 3:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's ironic that barely anyone ties Ted Kennedy's Chappaquidic (sp?) disaster to a conspiracy. To me, it's obvious that bankers and corporatists will murder anyone who stands in their way. Have done it, will continue to do it. But, sadly for them, Teddy lived.
signed, even anonymously,
Beeseejd in Santa Monica

At November 27, 2008 at 2:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the Oregonian link. I should have checked it out first. When something's too joyful, I automatically distrust it. I suppose I shouldn't see glee in an injuree -- many of the Freeper comments you linked to made those shitheels seem, actually, human! -- but still, fuck her. Maybe a month of silence will give her time to meditate about what a cunt she is -- and I use the word with all deliberate sexism -- and she can repent the way Arianna Huffington did in bed with Al Franken.

At November 28, 2008 at 9:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

there's still toom in the gap between coulter's teeth to blow off her uvula with an outpouring of love


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