Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Motherfuckers Day

Sam Stein at the Huff Po plays the Rod Serling role by dispassionately giving us today's rundown of the talking head Sunday circuit brought to you by the Republican Twilight Zone.

Submitted for your disapproval: Hate the sinner but love the sin, starring Dick Cheney.

Meet Richard B. Cheney, a man so completely and communicably insane that he actually warps reality around him, a gigantic Koolaid water balloon, if you will. On Faze the Nation, Cheney once again fully embraced the meme that torture is good for you, good for me, good for the nation, comrades and that we may have saved hundreds of thousands of lives for the pittance we received after countless hundreds, if not thousands, of waterboarding sessions.

Of course, Dick, who got the full half hour on Faze the Nation, was careful not to mention Bush's name but while the sinner may have been repudiated, Cheney united with the GOP in embracing the sin.

Dead Eye Dick also said he'd rather have Rush Limbaugh (There's a fresh face for you) in the GOP than Colin Powell, saying he didn't know that Powell was still a Republican.
"I just noted he endorsed the Democratic candidate for president this time, Barack Obama. I assumed that that is some indication of his loyalty and his interest."

Yes, I guess we can say the same about Joe Lieberman since he signaled his true interests and loyalties when he sided with John McCain. Speaking of whom...

Our second segment of this trilogy of trivial minds stars John McCain, a man who never met a 527 group, lobbyist or special interest group he didn't love. Let's call this middle segment, John McCain: The Man Who Loved Too Much.

John McCain is a man who has switched positions more times than a double-jointed porn star with ADHD. So imagine our surprise when McCain told George Stepha... Stephe... you know who I'm talking about, on ABC's This Weak that he doesn't want to change his stance on anything and neither should Republicans. In fact, "Maverick" McCain actually said,
I think our policies, the principles of our party, are as viable today as they have been in the past. In all due respect, the previous administration, by letting loose spending get completely, out of control, by betraying some of those principles of our party, cost us a couple of elections.

Now, liberal moonbats would be tempted to say that the GOP's ever-tightening embrace of their core "principles", not eschewing them, is what cost them "a couple of elections," as if the majority of American voters are still in line with the most ruinous agenda since the Nazi Party. Actually, it cost them more than that- it cost them Congress, the White House and credibility with all but Bailout Barons who've never gotten into a cold car and those who think beer-soaked pork rinds make suitable baby food.

Rounding out the trilogy is Newt Gingrich, the anti-Tip O'Neill. In "I Know What I Am, But What Are You?", Newt accused President Barack Obama on Fox News Someday of being "a McCarthyite", something for which, if true, you'd think the GOP would be grateful, considering the lunatic fringe of the conservative movement has been practically holding seances trying to resurrect the spirit of the boozy, paranoid senator from Wisconsin.

By that, I guess he meant that Joe McCarthy, when he wasn't seeing Communists among his pink elephants, wanted to put "terrorists on welfare." Other than that, I cannot fathom how Gingrich made the leap from "liberal" to "McCarthyite" so I leave it up to you to parse his, well, thought processes.

OK, Newt, since we're talking about public assistance, how come the vast left wing media conspiracy is bound and determined to perpetuate a welfare state for the most irrelevant Republican assclowns that are still taking in breath? Watching a former VP, a former Speaker of the House and a soon-to-be former senator who crashed and burned in the last presidential election as if he was still flying jets in Vietnam, one is awe-struck that these "reputable" media outlets still seriously entertain what these maniacs have to say.

All this electronic Sunday funnies edition across three networks needed was a few sound bytes from Tom DeLay and a live video feed streamed in from Duke Cunningham's jail cell.


At May 10, 2009 at 5:22 PM, Blogger Bukko Boomeranger said...

You don't really have trouble with Stephanopolous, do you?

I get so many Greek patients here. Had a bloke named Konstaninides Athanasopoulos last week. Oddest Greek name was Mavromoustakakis. (Her husband said the name meant "black moustache" in Greek. I didn't make any joke that it might have been HIS name, but SHE was the one with the mo'. I was thinking it, though.)

I've always been good at pronouncing tongue-twisting names, so when I hand over my patients to the oncoming shift, I always make sure to roll out the full multi-syllabic version, where they would just say "Mr. A" or "Mrs. M." It's my small way of being cocky.

At May 10, 2009 at 5:24 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Bukko: I've long admired your ability to stay laser-focused on topic, always.

At May 11, 2009 at 12:17 AM, Anonymous ShortWoman said...

You still *read* HuffPo??

At May 11, 2009 at 7:41 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

I've always liked Sam Stein.

At May 11, 2009 at 10:49 AM, Blogger Bukko Boomeranger said...

For me, part of the fun of leaving comments on blogs is going on weird tangents.

At May 11, 2009 at 10:54 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

That reminds me, when is Big Papi gonna hit a fucking home run?


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