Tuesday, July 19, 2016

A Night That Will Forever Live in Infamy.

(By American Zen's @mikeflannigan59, on loan from Ari)
Quicken Loan Center, Cleveland---
Day One of the Republican National Convention was an ongoing exercise in intellectual theft (indeed, it can be said Republicans steal intellectual property for the same reason a starving man steals food). The lesser of these evils was when the RNC and "Law and Order" candidate Donald Trump began playing Queen's "We Are the Champions", which resulted in a firestorm on social media, beginning with the band itself. I seriously doubt the conservatives in attendance knew or cared about their man Trump using a song written and sung by a flamboyantly gay man. But, whatever...
     The real felony of the night, however, was Melania Trump doing the time warp and practically reciting ver batim Michelle Obama's speech from the 2008 DNC Convention (If you don't believe me, watch this brief mashup done on the spot by MSNBC last night). The ridicule and backlash was instantaneous and one had to see the looks of incredulity on the faces of Brian Williams and Rachel Maddow the moment they realized the plagiarism (And if Brian Williams is stunned by your dishonesty, then you've lost Real 'Murrica.). All Melania Trump did was serve as an inspiration for all gold-digging Eastern European trophy wives who haven't got two neurons to rub together.
     The backlash back at the media was hilarious, with Melania Trump and others claiming she'd written her "beautiful" speech by herself with very little help (except from Mr. Copy and Mr. Paste) then by late this morning, the RNC changed its story: Melania hadn't cribbed the speech from (ugh) a black person but My Little Pony. What they seem to be saying is that Michelle Obama had cribbed her own speech from the 80's cartoon, so, hey, Melania can't be blamed for her own theft, right?
     So, if the Trump campaign can't even handle a scandal of these picayune dimensions, then how will they be able to manage the real scandals that will surely collect around a Trump administration like rednecks around a bag of pork rinds?
     Then there was Scott Baio, the secular world's answer to Kirk Cameron, who delivered his own brand of gibberish. Perhaps one could excuse the faded child actor for the lack of quality: The RNC was so starved for speakers that after Trump ran out of relatives to fill the slots they contacted Baio just last Thursday and wrote his speech in church last Sunday.
     Yes, Scott Baio wrote a speech for Donald Trump in a house of worship when he should've been receiving the word of God. Now I don't feel so bad about that stunt Billy and I pulled at St. Peters in P'town with the rest of the guys in '08.

The Only Thing We Have to Fear is the GOP Itself
     If this serial theft of intellectual rights maintains as I expect it will, I absolutely cannot wait until Thursday night when Donald Trump does his best Obama impersonation.
     However, there are more important considerations than Melania Trump's broken English book report on Michelle Obama's speech from eight years ago: As proof that conservatism in general and the convention in particular is toxic, there's a norovirus outbreak among the California delegation. They're sitting in the front row, by the way, closest to the podium where all these Republican super stars will be blowing their hot air. Instead of focusing on porn being our Number One public health crisis, perhaps the GOP should look to itself as the real culprit, what do you think?
     I'll bet Tim Tebow's especially glad he Tebowed out.
     It was actually a relief to leave the convention center, my ears still ringing with nonsense and stolen Freddy Mercury music, so my conservative friend Billy and I could watch Drew Carey making fun of Terry Francona's Cleveland Indians at the Parma Holiday Inn's lounge (although it was sad seeing Drew unsuccessfully trying to get his parking validated by the motel's management).
     But, as serious as these considerations are, especially in light of the Mordor-class scenario of Trump getting elected and importing to Capitol Hill an all star class of Republican assclowns, there's still this bit of schadenfreude:


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