Pope Karloff Sez...

...everytime a man sucks a cock, a snowball melts.

Leave it to right wing blowhards like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly to seize upon the holidays as an opportunity to spout their ideological idiocy. Last month, Limbaugh commemorated Thanksgiving by reminding us of how the white man was screwed over by the red man regarding the sale of Manhattan Island or another screed extolling the virtues of supply side economics and its impact on the first Thanksgiving (the Injuns had nothing to do with it, see, since Squanto is just a liberal myth).

And of course we can always count on Bill O'Reilly to smear egg nog war paint on his sneering puss so he can stalk by proxy holiday light displays that go out two hours early and whoop and wail that it's another salvo in the War on Christmas.

But Pope Benedict XVI (R-Castle Frankenstein) takes the cake for pronouncing from his ultimate bully pulpit at St. Peter's Basilica that defending heterosexuality is at least as important as saving the rain forest.

That's right. The Pontiff is going green with "an ecology of man" campaign, which essentially likens homosexuality and bisexuality as spiritual pollution. In other words, when Ellen Degeneres married her girlfriend, that punched a hole in the ozone layer. And Lord only knows how much damage Richard Simmons has done to the Amazonian rain forest.

Essentially, it's a cowardly, veiled assault on not only the GLB communities, but the following passage could very well be more of a slam on the transgendered community:

"What is often expressed and understood by the term 'gender' is definitively resolved in the self-emancipation of the human being from creation and the Creator," he warned. "Man wants to create himself, and to decide always and exclusively on his own about what concerns him."

In other words, if God made you a man, live like a man. If a woman, live as one. Deal with it and don't fuck with mother nature.

The Catholic Church in England is now trying to say that Benedict never meant to imply that gay sex was being targeted simply because he never used the word "homosexual." So if he wasn't referring to the GLBT communities, then who was he referencing? The Dr. Moreau human/animal hybrids of George W. Bush's fevered imagination?

I tell people I'm a recovering Catholic but the fact is that religious zealots piss me off at least as much, and often more, than secular Republicans. I have been an enemy of organized religions since I was too small to dip my hand in those little bird baths they put at the entrance of Catholic churches. Back then, I could see through the supernatural tomfoolery and elaborate playacting and dressing up that's part and parcel to all religions.

Recognizing the dogma that depends entirely upon enormous gaps in knowledge and blind, closed-minded faith, the inevitable fairy tales intended to be consumed literally and the hypocrisy and intolerance came with maturity.

And this Boris Karloff-looking motherfucker scuttling through the cloistered shadows of the Vatican makes me twice as glad that I'd rejected all those decades ago with a mighty psychic shudder the effeminate, misogynistic, sexist, child-molesting, hypocritical, homophobic Roman Catholic Church and its Bi-Curia.

Dressing up homosexuality and gender reassignment as a spiritual illness on a par with global warming and using the Christian holidays as a bile-delivery system aimed at the GLBT communities is very possibly the vilest, most despicable thing any Pontiff has ever done since Pope Leo X murdered several cardinals and bankrupted the Vatican with his bloated lifestyle.

This position is remarkable considering that both Ratzinger and his predecessor did their level-headed best to shield from public criticism and punishment a pederast named Marcial Maciel, founder of the Legionaries of Christ. The prevailing story is that Pope Ratzo removed Maciel from the priesthood but the reality is that the investigation into his past was authorized by Pope John Paul II just before his death. When Joey the Rat took over, he "carefully" vetted the results and decided, solely because of his advanced age and health, Maciel should live a dignified life of penitence.

But gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people trying to live normal lives in a baffling and hostile world? Bad, bad, bad. Good will toward all men, indeed, except those who contribute to the world's pitifully short supply of love by loving each other.