I Am Mr. Ed

Former RNC chair Ed Gillespie is at it again. His "fact check" of George W. Bush that purports to separate fact from myth has got to be the longest sustained Koolaid gargle in Internet letters.

On that fine, fine bastion of clear political reporting, RealClearPolitics, Gillespie valiantly takes it upon himself to singlehandedly clean the Augean Stables of the Bush legacy by setting the record straight for the benefit of those in the reality-based community.

Myth 1: The last eight years were awful for most Americans economically and President Bush's deregulatory policies caused the current financial crisis.

Reality: President Bush's time in office is ending as it began, with our economy under stress. The recession President Bush inherited as he entered office ran through the attacks of September 11, 2001, but during the recovery that followed, and due in no small part to the tax relief President Bush worked with Congress to provide, this country experienced its longest run of uninterrupted job growth - 52 straight months, with 8.3 million jobs created.

Such a mastery of the facts and what better source for his assertions than from TV interviews given by a man who cares more about burnishing his legacy than he is in running the country?

So, according to Mr. Ed, Bush is the economic oasis in the middle of two evil, libr'al, Democrat administrations who handed him a recession (and a sizable mirage of a surplus) at one end and will, conveniently, turn into dogshit again the minute Obama takes over.

Despite the country losing 533,000 jobs last month alone and nearly 2 million in 2008, Bush's streak of creating jobs remains intact for over four straight years. Or would that be in producing jobs for other countries such as China and India?

More insanity follows so let's go to some fresh insanity to...

Myth 2: President Bush's tax cuts only benefitted (sic) the wealthy and were paid for by sacrificing investments in health care and education.

Reality: There are not 116 million "wealthy Americans," but that's how many taxpayers benefited from the President's tax relief. The across-the-board tax cuts provided tax relief to every American who pays income taxes, created a new bottom 10 percent bracket rate, doubled the child tax credit to $1,000, and actually increased the share of the Federal income tax burden paid by the top 10 percent of individual earners from 67 percent in 2000 to 70 percent in 2005. Furthermore, this Administration removed 13 million low-income earners from the income tax rolls completely.

If by "benefit(ing) from the President's tax relief" Gillespie means low- and middle-income people getting a whopping $50 extra dollars a year which they can blow on a double feature (without refreshments), then, sure, we've benefited enormously, as "Enormous" Dick Cheney would say.

Of course, why should we listen to the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office when they willfully disagree with a Republican stooge like Mr. Ed?

And what anti-Randian maniac would ever try to claim that corporate executives, left to their own devices, have not been responsible stewards of the environment, that they do not lovingly coddle us and have practically bankrupted us through neverending chicanery and corruption? Why, when the Big Three automakers arrived in Congress, gleaming beaverskin hats in hand, to ask for tens of billions, they publicly fretted that not getting that bailout would result in job losses (upon which GM had already decided three and a half years ago). And did the lenders not also publicly wring their hands and plead with Congress for a protective TARP for America because it would cost us hundreds of billions down the road?

Of course they did, because, as we all should know, even after your friends and family forsake you, you can always count on the tender love, unconditional charity and angelic ministrations of unregulated corporate executives.

Onward, Christian soldiers...

Mr. Ed Gillespie and a young George W. Bush in happier, less misguided days.

Myth 3: The President's "go it alone" foreign policy ruined America's standing in the world.
Reality: Rarely can one see revisionist history occurring in the present, but this charge is nothing short of that. The United States acted with a multilateral coalition of partner nations to remove Saddam Hussein from power in Iraq after he failed to comply with the will of the international community, including numerous United Nations Security Council Resolutions. To ignore this fact is not only a distortion of history, but it is also an insult to the service members of our coalition partners who sacrificed their lives to contribute to the success we are now witnessing in Iraq. And in Afghanistan, approximately forty countries are currently deployed with American forces, including every one of our NATO allies.

Yeah! You tell him, you big, beautiful blonde bastard! Who could forget the fearsome Coalition of the Willing that was composed of the island of Palau, Afghanistan itself, Estonia, Eritrea, Monaco, Narnia, Moronika and other superpowers?

It was also Bush, you might remember, who defied the misguided will of the UN Security Council who insisted that we make a stronger case of war for Iraq (Thank God for Secretary Powell and his cartoon slide show of mobile weapons labs).

And Afghanistan is turning into such a smashing success that we're also looking at sending 30,000 more troops, which will triple the number of troops we've had there since 2001. Huzzah!

Myth 4: The war in Iraq caused us to "take our eye off the ball" in Afghanistan and with al Qaeda.

Reality: Iraq and Afghanistan are two fronts in the same war, and while the success of the surge in Iraq has been visible, we have also had a quiet surge in Afghanistan. The U.S. has continuously and aggressively fought side-by-side with Afghans and our allies to defeat the Taliban and al Qaeda in Afghanistan. The United States has provided nearly $32 billion for security, political, and economic development assistance and the international community has provided more than $55 billion to Afghanistan since 2001.

Sure, since we all now know that Iraq was a major staging area for al Qaida terrorists before after the invasion. And $87 billion is a damned small price to pay for toppling a bunch of illiterate, technologically-backward sand fleas and to keep them more or less toppled OK, untoppled, for over seven years. Don't blame Bush because nobody told him that Taliban terrorists are like Weebles: You can topple them but they don't fall down.

Myth 5: This Administration has been bad for the environment and ignored the problem of global warming.

Reality: (Ed. OK, Mr. Ed may've been off his feed and may've had a soured stomach when he wrote this part, but luckily he recovers) Given the liberal media's failure to acknowledge this Administration's true record on alternative energy, conservation, and climate change, it's not surprising this charge has stuck. But here are some irrefutable data points: From 2001 to 2007, air pollution decreased by 12 percent, and fine particulate matter pollution is down 17 percent since 2001. Ethanol production quadrupled from 1.6 billion gallons in 2000 to 6.5 billion gallons in 2007, wind energy production has increased by more than 400 percent, and solar energy capacity has doubled. In 2007, solar installations increased more than 32 percent and the U.S. produced 96 percent more biodiesel (490 million gallons) than in 2006. The Administration also provided nearly $18 billion to research, develop, and promote alternative and more efficient energy technologies such as biofuels, solar, wind, clean coal, nuclear, and hydrogen.

I guess Bush's Clean Air Act was so strong that he decided to slack off a bit and weaken it just to be sporting and relax air quality standards, pissing off three Republican traitors (Governors Jodi Rell of Connecticut, Donald Carcieri of Rhode Island and James Douglas of Vermont). And who needs clean air in our national parks, anyway, since those big brown and green thingies make oxygen, anyway?

And ozone? Didn't we lick that ozone layer hole problem a long time ago?

And that Stephen Johnson. He's soooo dreamy, with his EPA working in concert with the Bush administration paving the way for industry to turn the sky all those pretty colors at sundown and all.

And Bush's ethanol proposals are certainly bold, deciding to go with the much more wasteful, costly and labor-intensive corn-based ethanol instead of the cheaper, more easily-produced sugar-based ethanol made by Brazil because, well, America loves a challenge and Brazilians are known for their laziness when they're not playing soccer and dancing the samba.

And who needs the Kyoto Protocol, anyway? Georgie, if all the nations on earth embrace the Kyoto Protocol, does that mean you'll also embrace the Kyoto Protocol? No, Pops. Good boy!

Now, I don't know what Mr. Ed hopes to gain by burnishing Bush's legacy, unless Georgie is taking applications for butt boys or people to cut his brush for him but it's notable that our favorite horse's ass never took on that nasty libr'al meme that Iraq is less than a shining success. I guess he decided to fold that into the larger libr'al lie that Bush's go-it-alone foreign policy has been less than a success in the war on terror or the one that claims Bush took his eye off the ball to topple an aging dictator of a country that just happened to have lots of lots of oil, whose most potent WMD was his own ass after a spicy dinner.

Hitler took the easy way out in his bunker and, in cowardly fashion, committed suicide when he realized the end (and the Russian leftists) were near. Our Dear Leader would never do that because the skies will always be blue (or red, if the now-freed chemical companies have their way) and every black cloud of dissent will always have a silver lining. And every great leader needs a friendly, sympathetic chronicler. Every Dr. Johnson needs his Boswell, every Hitler needs his Albert Speer.