Top Ten Inaccuracies in Bill O'Reilly's Book About Lincoln

Noted conservative pundit Bill O'Reilly recently published a book entitled, Killing Lincoln, one containing numerous errors in historical scholarship. In fact, the book by the Fox News host has been so universally condemned and reviled that it has been banned at Ford's Theater, the place where President Lincoln was assassinated. What are the top ten factual errors in Mr. O'Reilly's book?

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10) The 16th president put himself through law school by turning tricks in Springfield's Red Light district.

9) Don't let his height and the size of his hands fool you, ladies: It was a nubber.

8) Mary Todd Lincoln would frequently run into the Oval Office naked and obsessively wonder who would play her in a Movie of the Week.

7) Lincoln's biographer and Chicago native Carl Sandburg was a proven homosexual and laid the groundwork for the forging of Obama's birth certificate over a half century later.

6) Mr. Lincoln also had a brain fart while debating Stephen Douglas.

5) At a seance at the White House in 1865, ectoplasm shot out of the president's penis, spelling out the words, "Eat at Joe's."

4) The Gettysburg Address was written during a bender and on the back of a cocktail napkin from a Washington, DC gay bar called The Ramrod.

3) The first title for the Emancipation Proclamation was "The Slave Cannon Fodder Act."

2) Lincoln was actually assassinated in 1863 and replaced for the next two years by Hal Holbrook.

1) Lincoln was assassinated watching Fahrenheit 911.