Monday, November 5, 2012

If You Can't Lick 'Em...


What follows is the latest spam email, one that I've already received a few times, and what follows below is my rejoinder. Last May, I'd started madly blocking email addresses that had sent me spam, over 350 of them, in fact. But by June it was painfully apparent that the volume of bullshit that kept getting directed to my inbox was not diminishing in the least and that malware programs were creating gibberish email addresses and sending out spam faster than I could block them (Yahoo allows me to block just 500 of them). So when I got this spam, something inside me just gave way and I decided to fight fire with fire and spam them back. This email has already gotten bounced back by a mailer daemon but if I get any results in the future, I'll make sure to post them.

--- On Mon, 11/5/12, (1) New Message <7euhsyte5> wrote:

From: (1) New Message <7euhsyte5>
Subject: Lisa N. Has Sent You A Private Message
To: crawman2@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, November 5, 2012, 11:07 AM

Hi honey!

My name is Lisa. I'm a business lady.

Unfortunately I spend most of my time working and have absolutely no time for my private life.

My collegues at a coffee brake gave me a site where I can find a person with whom I can date without any obligations.

I found your profile in Facebook and I consider you very attractive.

I just need a nice guy to spend a few hot weekends with.

Any offers are welcomed and money is not an object.

You can find my profile here (URL deleted):

If you like what you see, then maybe we can start talking to each other.

XOXOXO,

Lisa
***
Hi, Lisa:

I'm engaged and not quite looking for someone else in my life nor, at my age, am I very interested in porn. What I need is help paying my bills. You see, through no fault of my own, I've been out of work for close to four years and could desperately use a leg up. Failing that, I run a blog called "Welcome Back to Pottersville" and I have a Paypal account, with the button thoughtfully provided at the upper right hand corner of the index page.

Of course, the best possible solution is for me to find a sugar Mama like Arianna Huffington or one of the Wal-Mart heiresses who can support my lazy, no-good ass for the rest of my life but, failing that, I'd settle for the occasional cash donation to help me live the life of Reilly to which I've grown accustomed these past three and a half years (cocaine, hotel rooms and even $25 hookers can add up after a while). I really hate to impinge upon your good graces but I figure, as one spammer to another, you wouldn't mind my turning the tables on you and asking you to help me out.

That is, unless you're a spambot-delivered email that was written years ago by someone who is or should be in jail and your email sounds much too warm and genuine for that.

Toodles,
JP
http://welcomebacktopottersville.blogspot.com

P. S. I'm not on Facebook, anymore. That's not a very good money-for-nothing venture unless your name happens to be Mark Zuckerberg.

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