Top 10 Reasons For the Pope's Resignation

     Earlier today, Benedict XVI, the 265th Pope, announced to the College of Cardinals that he would resign effective February 28th. The Pontiff cited health reasons and his physical and mental inadequacy to be the spiritual leader of over one billion Catholics worldwide. Yet, there were other reasons for Benedict becoming the first Pope in nearly 600 years to resign while in office. What were they?

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10) Can now finally invest in that condom factory in Berlin.

9) Papal COBRA plan can now cover plastic surgery to make Benedict look less like Emperor Palpatine.

8) Has finally completed funny hat collection.

7) Tired of running Pedophile Priest Underground Railroad.

6) Increasingly difficult to explain stronger and stronger smell of fire and brimstone on person.

5) Sexting Angela Merkle and Heidi Klum with discreetness.

4) Even he can't stand that "old man smell" in glassed-in Popemobile.

3) Former Senator Rick Santorum making him feel inadequate.

2) Michele Bachmann's inexplicable incumbency and the rise of Snooki making him doubt God.

1) More time to write tell-all memoir, HITLER'S OTHER POPE.