Friday, March 22, 2019

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Claims President Trump is Actually Talking About John McClane

Washington--- In a rare press conference, White House spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders claimed to the press pool that President Trump has not been insulting the late Senator John McCain but fictional policeman John McClane.
     "Contrary to what the liberal fake news media has been saying, the president has not been speaking negatively about John McCain but John McClane. the so-called hero of the Die Hard movies."
     As proof of her assertion, Ms. Sanders had then produced a 5' 7' cardboard blowup of the lead image above, which appeared to show the fictional police officer on Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show in 2015. "This is where, when and how it all started," she said.
     Frowning at the press pool, Ms. Sanders added, "I mean, c'mon, fellas, why would the president keep picking fights with a rotting corpse? That would be, well, deplorable."
     CNN's Jim Acosta immediately contradicted the Press Secretary, saying, "Sarah. John McClane is a fictional character played by actor Bruce Willis!" To which Ms. Sanders replied, "Seriously, Jim? I've seen Bruce Willis and John McClane together, especially after that Nokatomi Tower terrorist situation."
     Several media outlets, including Fox News, begged to differ, adding there was ample proof that President Trump was plainly referring to the late Arizona senator, most recently at a tank manufacturing facility in Ohio then again during an Oval Office interview with Fox's Maria Bartiromo in which the president kept insulting the late senator then blamed the Fox Business anchor for bringing up the subject.
     "Look," Sanders said, plainly exasperated after just 30 seconds behind the podium, "we all know the president is seriously challenged in his elocution. Don't you remember, "God blesh the United Shtates'? Hello? Is it really beyond the realm of possibility that the president would be unable to form a simple consonant such as an 'L'? By the way, are any of you losers hiring?"
     In response to this amazing declaration of an alternative fact, Kellyanne Conway doubled down on Ms. Sanders' claim and stated before a skeptical Fox and Friends panel, "Fame just went to McClane's head after the Nokatomi and Dulles Airport thing. Then he started going around with that ridiculous Trump wig on talk shows. I mean, come on, guys, even Serpico had more class than that. He went into hiding in Sweden."
     This has resulted in a fresh round of controversy over whether or not President Trump was speaking of the late Senator McCain, with whom he had a brief but contentious relationship or the fictional police officer who'd been featured in five films by 20th Century Fox. When asked about it on the South Lawn on his way to yet another weekend of golf at Mar-a-Lago, the president was asked if it was true what his White House Press Secretary had claimed.
     "Yeah, whatever she said. Besides, I've always been a Cobra kind of guy. That Stallone-looking guy, I'd like to name him my new Secretary of Homeland Security." Then the president took a golf cart to the hundred or so feet to Marine One before flying off to Andrews Air Force Base.


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