Impeachment 101 For a Brain-Damaged "President."

     OK, Donnie Dumbo, time to go to camera three.
     You plainly don't understand impeachment and any so-called "president" that cannot understand the impeachment process as sketchily delineated in Article Two of the US Constitution maybe shouldn't be the fucking Commander in Chief.
      And really, I can imagine without too much straining and squinting even George W. Bush being more pragmatic and statesmanlike if the Democrats had ever found its withered collective sack and impeached him for war crimes galore, starting with him letting 9/11 happen on his watch. Bush was famously churlish and hated the press and Democrats, too. But, Sweet Baby Jebus on a cross, if you can make George W. Bush look statesmanlike by conspicuous relief, again, you shouldn't be the fucking Chief Executive, regardless of how hard poor Putin worked to get you shoehorned into the White House as his unofficial Vice President.
     That should make any conscientious American think twice about supporting you. George W. Bush, a guy who once choked on a pretzel and tried to walk through a locked door in China, looks like Adlai fucking Stevenson next to you. At least Bush got to serve a couple of terms as Governor of Texas, even though it's only the fourth most important job in the Lone Star state, which meant that he still had a vague idea of governance and working with state legislators even if he had to learn that by dint of osmosis like water penetrating rock after several hundreds of millennia.
     You didn't even have that. When you took the oath of office from John Roberts, you looked like a bored mall husband ordering a ham on rye, cocking your hatbox head from side to side like you were ready to fall asleep at any moment. No, you came straight from the corporate sector and your fake little boardroom on The Apprentice and a seven decade-long life without once being confronted by anyone who had the right to tell you No. Your own companies were never publicly traded so you never even had to worry about appeasing shareholders at annual meetings.
     You had a very sketchy idea at best about how to govern effectively, which means actually making use of the training, experience and expertise of your aides and Cabinet Secretaries. But as time goes on, Donnie, you go to your very ample gut and not those pragmatic adults any normal president leans on in times of indecision.
     And time and again, you have proven to be more colossally ignorant of the Constitution than any single human being who has ever walked into the White House. You actually think the Emoluments Clause is phony and that the same Article Two of the Constitution that is being used to impeach you lets you do whatever you want.
     Whatever you want? Seriously? Article Two was written specifically for you, as if the Founding Fathers, starting with Alexander Hamilton, did so in an act of divine prophecy.
     Article Two was purposely vague partly because when it was written in 1789, it was just before Congress elected its first president (That would be George Washington, whose face you see on that oil painting when you stroll into the Oval Office after 11 AM every day when you're not on a golf course.).
     You screamed at Nancy Pelosi in your collection of Twitter tweets that you'd strung together into a six page letter on the eve of your impeachment that you had no rights to defend yourself in the House hearings. Yes, you did, even though Article Two does not allow for that. You were given the right to appear, have your counsel present and, like a schoolyard bully finally put in his place and eating paste and bugs in retaliation, you'd decided not to cooperate in any way, shape or form. In fact, you had more rights given to you than either Nixon or Clinton.
     Article Two allows you to have control over your own trial in the Senate. The House has the full and sole power during the inquiry phase, the Senate has the control during the trial phase. How fucking hard is that to understand? But officially, you haven't actually been strictly impeached in an actual legal or legislative sense because Speaker Pelosi had to stop short of naming managers, which would have automatically kicked it up to the Upper Chamber, after which the House and Democrats would've completely lost control over the entire impeachment.
     Because you see, Donnie Dumbo, the impeachment process is almost what one would call a zero sum game, all or nothing. Right now, the Democrats and the House hold all the power over your very delayed impeachment and the Republicans have none. Once the Kangaroos starting with Mitch McConnell, who's so absolutely convinced of your innocence and that the impeachment in the House was a fraud that he's refused to call witnesses, allow relevant evidence to be entered against you and is working with White House counsel as if he's Bill Barr, which is to say, your personal attorney. Only when managers are named will the mechanism moving the impeachment up to the Senate kick in.
     But you and your dittoheads who get all their news and talking points from your intellectual compost heap of a twitter feed are saying Pelosi holding it back means she knows she has a weak case against you. No, it's because Pat Cipollone, your White House counsel and presumed attorney was caught walking into McConnell's office and McConnell and Lindsey Graham had brazenly made it abundantly clear that they were bound and determined to hold a kangaroo court.
     Now get the fuck out of here, you umber clown, so I can talk to the Democrats.
     Are you all comfortable? Good. Let's get started.
     Taking control and keeping control of the impeachment is all good and well but allow me to make a layman's observation. After all, I've only been blogging about politics for the past 15 straight years so what the fuck do I know, right? But it's just as important, if not moreso, to control the message before, during and after the impeachment phase reaches the Senate.
     And let's talk turkey here, guys, but you Democrats have never been particularly good at messaging. Shit, if anything, that's one area of governance in which even the Adderall-addled evolutionary dropout in the Oval Office beats the shit out of you, You Democrats know fuck all about messaging and making it coherent and uniform so that the average voter can understand what you're doing and what you're trying to do. Don't believe me? Look at the incoherence that's marred every presidential debate on your side since they started last July. You need to control the message and not let Republican scum do it. Do not let them hijack the discourse.
     Do not let them go out on TV, especially Fox "News", and scream their pin heads off about how unfair it is that you're impeaching the "president", that the July 25th phone call was "perfect", that you have no case, that Ukraine fiddle-fucked with our election, that Biden and his son were as corrupt as the asshole you're impeaching and his spawn. Politics is meant to be in and of itself a zero sum game, in which when one side makes hay, you then take all that hay away from them. When they make thunder, you drown it out by making as much thunder as them.  Question Trump's legitimacy until people are no longer shocked by it and grow accustomed to it.
     You Democrats and the corrupt mainstream media, when you're not in your It's a Wonderful Life alternate reality dream world in which Bernie Sanders wasn't born 77 years ago, need to say not "President Trump" or "the president" when referring to Trump but to say, "so-called President Trump" or "the so-called President." Or use your fingers to make scare quotes when uttering that phrase. Drive home the point you do not accept him as the legitimate president like the Republicans tried for eight years to pretend Barack Obama wasn't their president. Have every band that's around when Trump goes somewhere play "Hail to the Chief" on a mouth hsrp, slide whistle and kazoo.
     In other words, let the American public know that you do not accept Donald John Trump as the president and that he only gets to pretend he is because no one alive and no one dead has or ever had a contingency plan for what to do when a stooge of a hostile nation subverts an entire fucking election and it's just easier to pretend that this oaf is actually in charge of world-changing shit.
     So, no, you're not trying to reverse the outcome of the 2016 election but in a way you are trying to make some amends for the way it had shaken out. A hostile foreign nation, Russia (the USSR 2.0), got a stooge elected because they had enormous leverage over him and since Day One he's been acting exactly like a kept man. Look at the self-satisfied smirk that always on Putin's face when Trump's in his company. You can actually see the invisible leash in Putin's hand.
     Keep reminding the people what this so-called president (See how easy that was?) did before, on and after July 25th when he withheld aid from Ukraine, Russia's enemy just two hours after that July 25th phone call and that much-coveted WH visit that Zelensky desperately needed for international legitimacy because I guess the United States is still worth a shit to others across the globe. Before, during and after the impeachment trial, up to the 2020 election and beyond that, keep driving these points home because at least 75% of the American public is either brain dead or culturally anesthetized so that you have to repeat shit to them infinitum ad nauseum until it finally begins to sink in. I'm speaking specifically of the 25% of the electorate who voted for that Jamaica Plain jerkoff and the 50% who can't be bothered to vote.
     Come on, you're adults and daily during this sorry shitshow of an impeachment to which the Republcian Assclown posse has reduced it and are willing to do so again you strain for gravitas and clarity and presenting a united front that you're the adults in the fucking room. But being an adult means controlling the more necessary message and not letting lies replace facts.
     Grownups like mother and father alike, when disciplining a child know the value of presenting a united front so the child doesn't get mixed messages. The Republicans are quite content to let Donnie scribble with indelible Sharpies on the walls and hurricane projection maps, stealing cookies and breaking the cookie jar and painting murals of third world dictators with his fecal matter. It is up to you to stop this destructive behavior and it is solely up to you to mete out the appropriate punishment and to make sure this never happens again. You'll have to be both mothers and fathers because the Republican Party is plainly not interested in disciplining their child.