Fantasy Island 2.0

     

    There was something so... inevitable about Rudy Giuliani's psychological side show of a press conference last Saturday in northeast Philadelphia. Correction: There were several things that had the depressing yet still amusing air of inevitability to it.

     The fact that it was stubbornly held at Four Seasons Total Landscaping instead of the Four Seasons Hotel in Philadelphia's Comcast Center ("Concast", if you're a certain juvenile name-caller squatting in the Oval Office) was perfectly emblematic of an administration led by a "man", for want of a better word, who insisted for six days, despite meteorological evidence to the contrary, that Hurricane Dorian was going to hit Alabama even to the point of extending the NOAA hurricane map's cone of uncertainty with a Sharpie to give the illusion that Dorian just grazed the southeastern tip of Alabama.

     When Trump's and Giuliani's stooges realized the fuckup of the guy who was in charge of making the reservation, they went ahead and held it in an obscure section of Philadelphia, any way. Because, as they say in show business, "the show must go on." Obviously, that also includes clown shows.

 

     That included Giuliani offering as his one big witness one Daryl Brooks, a perennial Congressional candidate who just happened to be a GOP observer at one polling place and complained that, despite social distancing guidelines, he was kept 20 feet from the action. Brooks also just happens to be a registered sex offender who back in the 90s was convicted of exposing himself to two little girls aged 7 and 11.

 

     While the rest of the country may have been jeering Giuliani for the incredibly picayune and inappropriate venue of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, Brooks may have been secretly relieved they were within sight of a shop called Fantasy Island, a porno store run by a former architect named Zarif Jacob, who also thought the whole thing was a clown show.

     Ironically, The Defector's Dan McQuade was locked out of the press conference by security, the very same thing that Brooks the Flasher had alleged in his ridiculous charges. Yes, the security that consisted of private contractors and the Pennsylvania State Police ought to be commended for successfully keeping a straight face and almost succeeding in giving this rolling dumpster fire of a press conference the veneer of respectability and a baseline of sanity.

     Right after Giuliani, the unintentional star of Borat 2, began speaking, a reporter informed His Honor that Pennsylvania had just been called for Joe Biden. And Mayor Rudy looked up to the heavens as if silently imploring God to finally fulfill His cosmic obligations and smite him where he stood directly beneath a "Hazardous Waste" sign. Instead, God inexplicably chose to once again exercise forbearance and allowed Giuliani to blather on about the late Joe Frazier still being registered to vote.

     Pennsylvania legal experts are saying that Trump's legal challenges are DOA and have a "throw it all at the wall and see what sticks’ feel to it. And having convicted and unconvicted criminals like Giuliani taking center stage just cements this Theater of the Absurd feel to it.

     In other words, Giuliani and the Trump administration couldn't possibly have made this more of a three ring circus if they'd planned it since Trump rode down the escalator in 2015. It starred a guy who was led into a hotel room by a girl he thought was 15 and immediately began playing with himself. The star witness was a Republican election observer who was convicted of exposing himself him to little girls. It was near a porno shop.

     A porno shop that was named Fantasy Island, a perfectly appropriate name for a guy who still fantasizes he won an election he's going to lose by a landslide (Biden is fully expected to win exactly the same number of electoral votes,  306, as Trump in 2016). All that remains to be seen is if Trump will fly to Argentina as had his Nazi forebears and his private jet is announced by a lackey in a white suit calling, "Boss, the plane, the plane!"

     Although I deeply suspect Giuliani will fill that role, too.