Not For All the Goulash in Budapest!

 

(By Cyril Blubberpuss, Conservative-American) 

What cant, twaddle, poppycock and bilge!", I yelled as I paid for my ten dollar latte out of the tip jar at Starbucks. For emphasis, I threw in a few other anachronistic pseudo curse words at the confused barista. "Trump has more foreign policy experience in his little mushroom-headed Don Junior than Joe Biden does in his whole withered body."

   I'm speaking, of course, of the liberal pinheaded outrage at my good friend the 45th president officially endorsing Hitler-lite strongman Viktor Orbán. And, really, where's the shock and outrage coming from other than a typically misinformed leftist position? Were you patchouli-smelling Commies smoking banana peels 32 years ago when it came out that Trump slept with Hitler's speeches next to his bed?

     Obviously, it's been lost on our comrade friends that quite a few socialist do-gooders back in the day went to places like Castro's Cuba and Hugo Chavez's Venezuela to show solidarity with their Communist benefactors. Oh, but send a few right-leaning patriotic journalists like Tucker Carlson to Hungary and watch them lose their shit faster than geese on Ex-Lax.

    “He has done a powerful and wonderful job in protecting Hungary, stopping illegal immigration, creating jobs, trade..." our brilliant and current president said. Except for the illegal immigration, these are all things that Trump failed to do for his own country thanks largely to leftist obstruction by people like Kinzinger and Liz Cheney. But he's not so self-absorbed that he can't appreciate brilliance when he sees it in others!

     Again, this highly unusual but still-understandable endorsement should come as no surprise to liberal fat heads who know the first thing about Orbán, who runs his country sort of like a reluctant Mussolini only with more hair and goulash. Orbán is a strong man, a strongman, if you will, and runs Hungary with an iron fist as if it actually still means anything any more in eastern Europe.

     So it only follows that strong world leaders like President Trump would feel it necessary to extend his vast political capital to an embattled strong man such as Prime Minister Orbán since Trump's word and endorsement is gold even in places like Hungary, a place with a Hawkeye/Black Widow economy. If you don't believe me, ask how much Trump's endorsement is worth of those who've benefited from it, such as Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue, Luther Strange, Justice Roy Moore, Susan Wright and domestic MMA fighter Max Miller.

     In his brief quarter term in Congress, my father Ambrose dabbled in foreign policy and during his months in the lower chamber, always vociferously lobbied for more nations with fascism as their dominant political ideology in the post WWII world. Sure, there was still Franco's Spain but, as Father Ambrose once famously told Joe Pyne on his UHF access show in 1967, "People forget about Spain's one good thing, their fascist government, because of the distraction of bull fighters and flamenco dancers with stuffed crotches always promising but never delivering on massive penises."

     Ah, Father Ambrose would've been a magnificent Secretary of State under Eisenhower!

    

     I guess the fascination with strong, conservative family values is hereditary because my kid brother Cecil has already watched every video on Youtube about the Hitler Youth League, specifically the young male Aryan patriots of the day, as well as every video of the Vienna Boy's Choir and junior high school wrestling meets.

     But Viktor really loves Trump and vice versa. I'll never forget the time Donnie had him over at the White House a few years ago. I was told to hide in the small dining room adjacent the Oval Office, the same one where Trump watched his supporters on TV show their love for him last January 6th. Anyway, even though the door was closed, I could hear my old friend at the end of the press conference.

     "This guy sounds... he sounds just like fucking Bela Lugosi. Hey, Vic, say, 'I never drink wine.' Go ahead. C'mon, you did before! He sounds just like a fucking vampire."

     The Prime Minister stayed silent but even so, it goes to show you you can't buy that kind of diplomacy and foreign policy chops for all the gulash in Budapest.