America 250 Stargate Opens Portal to Alien Dimension, Hundreds Perish

      Dateline- Washington, DC-Mysterious Alien Dimension

     The America250 "state fair" spearheaded by Donald Trump suffered a setback today when the semi-circular lighting structure suddenly glowed white and opened a portal into another dimension. Before the alien beings dressed like ancient Egyptians crossed the interdimensional threshold, witnesses glimpsed on the other side giant pyramids and even larger spaceships flying above them.

      "It was the most terrifying yet most beautiful thing I ever saw," said Vice President JD Vance just moments before a spear tip exploded from his chest and he was hoisted into the Potomac River by a giant skeleton wearing armor.

     The massacre began swiftly as Nubian soldiers on golden chariots fired sharp arrows into the eyes of the construction crew and curious onlookers filming video for their ultimately meaningless podcasts. One worker was in the middle of the octagon when his torso suddenly bristled with arrows then dismembered by large dogs looking amazingly like the Egyptian god Anubis.

     "Well, it only goes to show," said outgoing Rep. Thomas Massie as he watched the spectacle from across the National Mall, "if you fiddle with nature, nature fiddles back. I tried to warn Susie (the White House Chief of Staff) not to hook up the scaffolding to that ion generator."

     After 15 minutes, the lawn of the White House was littered with bodies and body parts while blood spatter covered a significant portion of the White House facade. Deputy Chief of Staff Steven Miller ran out of the West Wing loudly proclaiming his fealty to the "true evil overlords" before being turned into a cockroach by a priestess and crushed underfoot, said Aaron Rupar on Twitter, "with a satisfying crunch."

     Not knowing that his immigration policy architect had just met a horrible fate, Donald Trump zig-zagged out of the Executive Mansion, iPhone in hand, and made his final Truth Social post:

     "I'm going to ask them if they can play music and if they can help me with Iran. That'll own those radical left..." before the president vanished in a puff of ash and smoke, the Apple device landing on the blood-soaked lawn.

     At press time, the alien Egyptian invaders demanded Kash Patel, "for our transient amusement." The executive branch, run by now-President Mike Johnson, is currently negotiating the FBI Director's surrender.