Short Man Syndrome is Back With a Vengeance!

 (By Cyril Blubberpuss, Conservative-American)

Well, I've finally hit the big time. I've just been named by future president Greg Bovino as his 2028 campaign manager! Granted, the learning curve is high as I've never run a campaign at any level, much less a major presidential campaign. But that didn't stop Roy Cohn, who doubled as both Joe McCarthy's legal counsel and as my father Ambrose's campaign manager when he successfully ran for Congress in 1952. 

     Admittedly, that was kind of an uneasy alliance as Cohn set father's teeth on edge by occasionally showing up at campaign strategy meetings wearing nothing but a short bathrobe and followed by several young, effeminate men speaking with lisps. During his illustrious quarter term in Congress, father would say Cohn was "squishy but the little cocksucker gets the job done."

      The first order of business is organizing and coordinating fundraisers. This requires reaching out to groups with colorful red and black flags and featuring very passionate young men with affected German accents. One of those groups is Patriot Front, an up and coming organization of other young, passionate men who huddle closely together in U-Haul trucks so they can march together in khaki cargo pants only to get chased out by soccer moms and paraplegic retirees.

      It's brilliant branding and no doubt they will give the Bovino campaign their valuable marketing insight. For now, our national campaign headquarters is in the basement of the Fourth Reich Army Surplus store in El Centro, California where Commander Bovino buys his entire wardrobe. In fact, we just cleared out the German munitions locker and are temporarily repurposing it as a phone bank so we can cold call patriots.

 

     My kid brother Cecil is also on board with Bovino's campaign or at least he was until yesterday. Cecil volunteered to man the phone banks until we started getting irate calls from angry parents complaining that a strange man was calling them up and asking their prepubescent sons if they had boyfriends. The way I look at it, Cecil was doing his job in being ever-vigilant against the homosexual agenda. God knows we don't need that element in our campaign. Cecil's entreaties to be reassigned to an authority position over the Bovino Youth League (nicknamed the "Tender Age Commanders") fell on deaf ears.

     It doesn't surprise me that many of our initial donations are coming in from Europe, such as from the AfD in Germany as well as from Italy and Argentina. This, to me, is proof positive that Commandeer Bovino's appeal is rapidly spreading across national borders and is becoming a movement.

      We've also started sending out fundraising emails in which campaign contributors are classed in tiers according to the size of their donations. Those donating $5-$25 are called Bunker Dwellers, $26-$50 gets you Rat Liner status and those contributing $51 and up will earn you the coveted ICE King designation. Let's see Elon Musk and Peter Thiel turn that down!

     Our organization and campaign is small and nascent so there's nowhere to look but up, which is a common position for Commander Bovino. But, mark my words, the day will come when President Bovino draws himself up to his full height and looks other world leaders square in the belt buckle and show them who's boss!

The Art of the Deal

     Don't let the mainstream media or the government breathlessly lie to you. There is no peace deal. Not really. Certain conditions have to be met. Vance said that before a deal is finalized, Iran has to modify its nuclear program, including oversight. But those who have seen this so-called deal say that no such precondition is in its language. This isn't a real, permanent peace deal, no actual ceasefire. It's a framework deal only. It's the deal before the deal.

     Essentially, Iran gets to keep every atom of its fissionable uranium. There will be no oversight, no weapons inspectors will be allowed in, no limits, even, as to how much they can enrich it.

     In order to make a viable nuclear warhead, a nation must enrich its uranium to at least 90%. When President Obama struck his historic deal with Iran, the ceiling for enrichment was a mere 3.67%.

     With this idiotic deal, there apparently is no limit, so now Trump is so obsessed with getting out of this war, he's no longer concerned about Iran getting a nuclear weapon, after all. Likewise, he's no longer talking about regime change or the pro-democracy protesters or their executions. And, after telling everyone the Iranians wouldn't get a wooden nickle from us... Well, let's talk about that for a minute.

     Remember when right wingers were screaming themselves hoarse (and some of them still are) about Obama "giving" Iran "billions of dollars"? Here's what President Obama did: He'd merely unfrozen Iran's assets, some $1.7 billion. In other words, he gave Iran back its own money as part of the deal.

     Under Trump, he's poised to give Iran $25 billion. That's approximately 15 times what they got out of Obama, which was, again. their money to begin with. This $25 billion is coming right out of the US Treasure. But that's just the rotten tip of the iceberg.

     Part of the deal also involves giving Iran $300,000,000,000 for reconstruction. To put that into perspective, that's 500 to 600% of Iran''s annual budget or 100% of its GDP for a year. Just to pay for all the shit that we'd bombed back to the Stone Age (including over 160 little schoolgirls). Israel got in on the action, also bombing Iran, but you don't see Israel coughing up a single shekel, do you?

     So what did we get in return? Iran has agreed to open the Strait of Hormuz... which was already open before we decided to bomb the shit out of Iran.

      This means that, just to get things back to a semblance where they were before, we'll have to pay Iran reparations costing us $300 billion, pay them an additional $25 billion, we have no limits on how much they can enrich their uranium and it only cost us 13 American lives. Oh, and Iran destroyed all of our Middle East bases.

     The art of the deal, ladies and gentlemen.

     And, of course, Trump will declare it better than any deal struck by either Biden or Obama and he'll strut around like the proverbial pigeon that knocks over the chess pieces and shits on the board and pretending it won.

It's Flag Day, Not His Birthday

      I'm probably taking tomorrow off. I'm a political blogger. I don't write running commentaries on right wing meatheads pounding each other senseless in metal octagons.

      But Donald Trump is going to force much of the nation to witness this spectacle that's literally Idiocracy on anabolic steroids. It will take place tomorrow on Flag Day but anyone with a working eye and a few functioning synapses can see that it has absolutely nothing to do with our 250th anniversary as a nation but to celebrate Trump's birthday. If he really cared for this country as much as he does Russia, he'd have his pathetic spectacle on the fourth of July, not his birthday.

     And it'll take place in a weird state of transition. Down the street from this 90 foot-tall monstrosity nicknamed "the Claw", the Kennedy Center is currently removing Trump's name off the building's facade. Federal judges all over the country are a striking down Trump's agendas on a near-daily basis. Trump is settling into the phase of being a lame duck "president". While still appearing to call the shots, hiss toxic influence is already beginning to fade from Washington, DC. Despite hints of making the Claw a permanent fixture of the White House (Heaven forfend), this, too, shall pass.

     And holding this idiotic event, from which he will benefit to the tune of millions of dollars, Trump is giving people the impression of a nursing home resident clapping together action figures, only using real, live human bodies. And, in a way, it's perfectly consistent and even understandable that Trump's megalomania has ballooned to such cartoonish proportions that he's literally supplanting the 250th anniversary of our nation's independence for a gaudy celebration of his 80th birthday with the lowest of low brow entertainment this planet can offer.

     And that's the problem and the danger. That we're willing to write this off as Trump just being Trump but without any meaningful followup. That we're willing to accept that, yes, of course, Trump is doing this, that it's all very understandable and consistent. We've almost assuaged ourselves that its comforting that, with Trump, some things never change and it's business as usual.

     We've literally lost the forest for the trees. We've lost our sense for the absurd, like Trump putting his name before President John F. Kennedy's on the Kennedy Center, like repainting the Reflecting Pool so it immediately looks a sickly shade of green, like putting up a $1.4 billion ballroom that will be done, if it ever is, just before he leaves office, after tearing down the East Wing.

     Business as usual.

     Yet we've lost the capacity to even appreciate the sheer scale of his corruption that even his exponentially growing dementia cannot blunt much less to take steps to stop it in its tracks. And the fact that so many federal judges, even some of Trump's appointees, are proving the only meaningful bulwark against his lawlessness shows in unmistakable terms just what a criminal he truly is.

     And tomorrow, he's going to "celebrate" our independence, the 250th anniversary of it, by pitting meatheads against each other would give the Founding Fathers cardiac arrest.

     My God, people. Aren't you alarmed by this? 

Bad To the Bone

Even in Pyongyang they must be looking at this and wondering WTF https://t.co/ssAEfGWQPE

— Tom Nichols (@RadioFreeTom) June 11, 2026

"Donald Trump is the best thing to happen to this country in a hundred years. He was born a very special baby. I bet the doctors said, 'I can tell this is a very special baby'.”

     So, according to cultist Troy Nehls, Donald Trump was born 80 years ago as the subject of a George Thorogood song.

President Bovino Will Not Figuratively Come Up Short!

 (By Cyril Blubberpuss, Conservative-American)

Dear Mr. Bovino (https://www.bovino2028.com/contact):

    I have learned to my joy that you have thrown your German WWII helmet in the ring and are running for president in 2028. Just because that hasn't been picked up by the liberal news media, it doesn't mean it's not true. After all, your website, Bovino2028.com says so!

      Your very candidacy shows guts, and I don't mean the kind that distends Trump's girdle every day. It shows guts because you'd be taking on the mighty machine of the quasi-Trump-endorsed Rubio/Vance ticket (or the Vance/Rubio ticket- No one's decided which one will actually run for president until one or the other wins the weeks-old thumb war). This would tackle the age-old question not of, "Who would you rather have a beer with?" but, "Can we have a man in the White House who wouldn't be allowed to get on a roller coaster?"

     I say, Hell yeah!

     Secretary Markwayne Mullin, the world's most dangerous Munchkin, recently said of you, "I never met the guy. He's irrelevant to me. I don't know who he is." No doubt he was showing his modesty and refusing to name drop your fine name.

     Incidentally, many of us remember when you got hounded out of a Target in St. Paul, Minnesota last January in between ICE homicides. That was unforgivable disrespect but still pales in comparison to Target management renaming the child's urinal, "The Greg Bovino Memorial Commode". They'll pay for that when you get elected.

 

     And allow me to commend you for this AI-generated picture on your campaign website with the caption, "Men Fight Back". Indeed, it is the duty of men who are hard-wired to confront and deal with threats such as good-natured soccer moms who had just dropped off their kids at elementary school. We in the patriotic community know how quickly such types can get radicalized.

     Can subversive petitions and bake sales be far behind?

     And, let me add, Commander, that there are no hard feelings over how we parted company at the last CPAC when I had the temerity to ask you how you planned on deporting 100,000,000 people, or a third of the nation. At the time, I never stopped to think that, despite there being no more than 12,000,000 illegals aliens in the country, there are, at bare minimum, another 88,000,000 illegal alien sympathizers that we could do without.

      At the very least, we could make their citizenship conditional by putting them to work in the fields picking produce that migrants are too lazy and cowardly to harvest. I hear that fellow Mighty Mite Stephen Miller is already drafting out such a plan.

 

     But I am not the only member of the Blubberpuss household who is supporting your candidacy. My kid brother, Cecil, is also prepared to campaign on your behalf. My suspicion is he's attracted to you on account of your junior high-class diminutive size but I'm sure there are other reasons he's excited about your campaign. 

     Cecil doesn't seem to harbor any animus toward illegal aliens but when he ran the world's first sex chat room, www.cecilsprays.com, he was careful to keep his Eastern European talent in Eastern Europe and not bring them over here. It was a brilliant move that's been commended by President Trump and Melania, whose younger brother was part of Cecil's stable of talent that was acquired, often at night, from youth hostels.

 

     You seem to have assembled a crackerjack team of professionals, including the admirably self-loathing Yovana Alvarez, aka The Bovino Queen, who, hopefully, is better at running a campaign than she is at taking selfies.

 

 

     Then there's Jacob Engels, who looks like every guy in the back seat of a car taking a disgraced mobster for the Last Ride. Indeed, Mr. Engels is being persecuted by Biden lawfare as he was arrested just weeks ago in Wisconsin on possession of meth charges. Hopefully, the president's personal law firm, aka the Department of Justice, will get those specious charges thrown out.

 

     And then there's former Florida GOP chair, George Riley, whose clean, bulbous head seems tailor-made for a black SS hat. All he needs is the requisite facial scar.

 

     So, Commander, I look forward to January 20, 2029 when you step onto that soapbox and take the podium to greet with a not-Nazi stiff arm salute a nation that will hopefully get whiter and sparser as your administration progresses. Indeed, why shouldn't we roll back the population to where it was in 1969? In a nation where Biden inflation is now at 4.2%, the fewer people we have buying goods and services, the lower inflation will get. Supply and demand, after all (You can look it up on Wikipedia).

 

     Incidentally, I was not amused by this heavily-circulated AI picture purporting to show you at your command center in Minnesota last winter. We all know you were never that cute and America doesn't need a cute president.

B(oo) Ball

 

     Thank goodness the original Manhattan Project wasn't as big of a clusterfuck as Donald Trump's tonight. The "president" decided to crash Game 3 of the NBA Finals between the Knicks and Spurs. He showed up like a conquering hero, as if taking credit for the Knicks making the finals for the first time in 27 years, dressed not like a fan but in his typical bad, boxy suit that makes him look like a corporate cunt with seriously challenged fashion sense. 

     One sense he has that's unerring is his ability to seize on a moment regardless of whether it has anything to do with him and making it all about him. His sociopathic disregard for the lives of others was on full, flagrant display tonight. Fans had to wait at Madison Square Garden for two hours before being allowed in. The Knicks had to institute a No Bags policy and watch parties outside MSG had to be cancelled because of Trump.

     And, even though the venue was Manhattan, the city's residents couldn't wait to give him the Bronx Cheer as his motorcade drove past the stadium. Why wasn't he greeted with the crotch-grinding, back-rubbing hug he expected? Well, maybe it has to do with the fact that Trump was never a Knicks fan, has bad-mouthed the NBA for years and New York City in general.

 

     Well, maybe it also has something to do with the fact that Trump didn't even get 18% of the Manhattan vote in the 2024 election (No doubt, he still thinks he won bigly in New York County). Or that he no longer lives in New York City, a fact that I'm sure makes millions of New York residents happy and grateful.

     But the booing that Trump got both outside and inside during the national anthem was met with the most fake and disingenuous smile as he had no choice but to grin and bear it. No doubt, after he gets back to Washington tonight, he'll be yelling and screaming about how horribly he was treated by his fellow New Yorkers.

     It was a clear repudiation of that ridiculous AI slop that he posted on D-Day (during which he never once mentioned D-Day) that featured an AI-generated rap song about how everyone loves Donald Trump. Well, not in Manhattan, asshole. Not even close.

Raining On His Parade of Lies

     It's no secret that Donald Trump really, really hates female journalists. Just recently, he bullied CNN's Kaitlan Collins for not smiling. Earlier this year, he attacked Maggie Haberman of the Times and threatened to sue her and the paper. And, while I don't consider them journalists, he's even attacked Megyn Kelly and insulted Laura Ingraham when she tried to give him a rare dose of reality. Does "Quiet, Piggy" ring a bell?

     And then there was his aborted interview with Meet The Press's Kristen Welker.

     As rain pelted the metal roof of a barn at Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, Welker tried to do her job as Trump defaulted to his usual boorish behavior consisting of impatient interruptions, blatant lies, talking over people and spewing a nonstop fire hose of lies. The conversation turned to the recent California primary elections.

     Trump pounced on the fact that California is still counting its mail in ballots, which shouldn't surprise anyone considering California is the most populous state, one with 39.5 million people. Trump declared it as evidence of a "rigged election" without, of course, providing any proof. 

     "You play right into their hands with this stuff. You know that these elections are rigged. Your elections are crooked and you're crooked, and 'Meet the Press' is crooked. You're a one-sided crooked network." Then he announced that he was terminating the interview.

     This is a tried-and-true tactic by Trump when he finally meets that rare journalist who won't accept his lies or take his insults. He did the same thing to Lesley Stahl on 60 Minutes five and a half years ago. He cuts and runs like a guy with fake bone spurs trying to evade the draft.

     But it was how he got up to walk away. After calling Welker, "Darling"  as if he was in Mad Men episode, he lurched to his feet and put his right hand on her left shoulder as if to steady himself. Then he lumbered off with his back bent at nearly a 45 degree angle. It was almost a reprise of the so-called White House Correspondence Dinner shooting in which Trump had to be lifted to his feet by the Secret Service only for him to fall seconds later like a 300 pound sack of manure.

     Once again, the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.

     The whole spectacle exposed Trump as a weak, snarling fool. It's one thing to take pot shots at the press when a journalist is just trying to do their job countering lies and conspiracy theories. But Trump will be 80 in a week and his age shows. When Trump insults the media and specific journalists and can barely lumber off after cutting short an interview, it makes him look feeble and pathetic.

Why Democrats Are Likely to Retake the Senate

     Up until about six months ago, if anyone told a Republican on Capitol Hill that the Democrats had a better than even chance of retaking the Senate, they would've been laughed out of the building and for good reason. But six months is a long time in the political continuum. A lot has happened in the last six months, most notably Trump stupidly getting us into a seemingly endless proxy war in Iran that's already cost us nearly $100,000,000,000, 13 American lives and the armaments with which we'll need to defend ourselves should the need for them arise. 

     For the folks at home, the consequences of that war are landing on our dinner tables. When the war began on February 28th, the national average for a gallon of gas was at $2.98. Now, Americans are paying at least $4.50 a gallon with gas stations in some states, such as California, rising over $8 a gallon. The price of diesel has also skyrocketed, which causes hardship for farmers all over the nation as their farm equipment runs on diesel. The price of fertilizer, too, has sharply risen upward, also hurting farmers.

     You don't need to be a Nobel Prize-winning economist to know that when energy prices jump, that affects virtually everything else, including food. By last month, inflation had risen to 3.8%, matching pandemic levels. With the price of health care also spiking, the last thing middle class and poor families need is to make a choice between food and medicine or gas.

     Republican voters are feeling the pinch just as much as Democrats and Independents. After all, we all go to the same gas stations, the same supermarkets, deal with the same HMOs, insurance and utility companies. We're all in the same boat and the boat has sprung a serious leak. And the media have been driving the same point home for months now- That It's the Economy, Stupid 2.0.

     It's the one abstract issue that affects those of us not in the top 10%, the thing that unites us.

     Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Green Party and libertarians, MAGA and Democratic socialists.

     And Americans voters from one end of the political spectrum to the other are pointing their fingers in the same direction: At Trump and incumbent Republicans. The national economy is always the Great Equalizer, the thing that affects us all. Polls after poll this year has shown that the economy, affordability, is the number one issue concerning voters. And Trump didn't do his party any favors when he recently said he doesn't think about how much Americans are hurting. All we see is a guy who invests more time and energy into his vanity projects than he does the economy.

     A recent Fox poll showed that incumbent Senator Jon Husted is trailing former Senator Sherrod Brown by 8 percentage points in the Ohio Senate race. 8 points is obviously well outside the margin of error. Brown's favorability rating is also at 53%, 12 points higher than Husted's 41%. In a deep red state like Ohio, that should be positively frightening to Republicans.

     It's always dangerous pointing to one state's straw and push polls and trying to make it a synecdoche of the mood of the entire nation but it's tempting to do so when it comes to a red state like Ohio. And this turning red state trend is popping up in other red states like Alaska, Iowa, Maine and Texas (Texas!).

     Yes, Democrats have a better than  even chance of flipping the entire US Senate but that's contingent on the Democratic incumbents hanging on to their seats. But, with poll results coming in from red states, I think for once Democrats have just cause for feeling optimism for this November's midterms.