Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Gallup: 7 in 10 Terrorists Believe Obama is Fellow Muslim

"Because the bloated pig-man Rush Limbaugh said so, I believe it, that settles it, you heathen infidel!"

Yesterday the Gallup polling service released the results of their latest poll. Based on 1012 terrorists who were called either at home or on their cell phones, almost 700 jihadists believe President-Elect Barack Obama is Muslim.

"By the beard of the prophet," crowed Hezbollah terrorist Jamal al-Hussein, "the American heathens showed some sense for a change when they elected one of our own to be their Ayatollah."

The poll further concluded that out of the 70% who believed Obama was Muslim, 78% stated they'd be interested in beginning peace talks with his incoming administration, negotiations that would promise to stop bloodshed all over the world, putting the new President in an awkward position.

"I swear to Allah, I cannot wait to get a fist jab from Obama and kneel with him on a prayer rug facing Mecca," said al Qaida lieutenant Salim al-Salaam. "All along I knew it was him ever since he wore that turban in Kenya two years ago."

Gallup's pollsters further discovered that virtually all the terrorists (98%) who participated in the survey get their news from Fox, Matt Drudge, Hillary Clinton's and John McCain's old campaign websites, right wing blogs and Rush Limbaugh's broadcasts on Armed Forces Radio.

Coincidentally, Fox News today on Neil Cavuto's, Sean Hannity's and Bill O'Reilly's shows have begun a feverish campaign to portray President-Elect Obama as a devout Christian. Showing a generous selection of clips from the Rev. Jeremiah Wright's sermons at Chicago's Trinity Church, Cavuto, Hannity and O'Reilly identically but independently said, "Connect the dots, people. He also went to a Christian church as a child growing up in Kansas. He is a Christian."

Roger Ailes neither confirmed nor denied that FNN was deliberately trying to scuttle any peace talks between Obama and terrorist factions. However, Ailes added, "We don't negotiate with terrorists."

Among the top concerns of terrorists, Gallup also found that 57% fear screaming "Allah Akhbar!" and nothing happening and looking like a complete dick, 28% complained about the price of gas to drive their suicide car and truck bombs and 15% cited bad cell phone reception in caves.

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At December 3, 2008 at 5:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gallup also found that 57% fear screaming "Allah Akhbar!" and nothing happening and looking like a complete dick

Can you IMAGINE how embarrassing that would be, to scream it in a crowd, push the detonator and then fizzle? As bad as those dreams where you're back in school, naked. You'd just DIE of embarrassment! And you wouldn't even kill anyone else...


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