Monday, December 1, 2008

Don't Say He's a Sociopath

Because sociopaths don't think enough of their fellow humans to feign regret or remorse about fucking over hard-working Americans who were stupid enough to buy into Bush's Ponzi Pyramid-on-stilts scheme by joining his ownership society (as if Americans actually owning something besides 7.8 trillion dollars of debt was a nonexistent concept before the glorious days of George II).

On ABC tonight, George W. Bush said he was "sorry" that Americans are losing their jobs and watching their 401(k) plans get fiendishly rear-ended into the next 12 dimensions thanks to the throbbing fiscal phallus of Friedman and Laffey, free marketeers to whose semen- and feces-slathered altar knelt Harvard MBA George "Fuck Everyone Including the Shareholders" Bush like a love-lorn acolyte.

It seems like only yesterday sometime before the Two Minutes Hate of John Kerry and the Baghdad Gladiatorial Games that was the fault of the CIA that the Bush administration was crowing about creating jobs by the hundreds of thousands and the millions, jobs that were either immediately sacrificed on Uncle Miltie's Mayan altar of free marketeering (aka outsourcing) or were perhaps just low-paying temp and minimum wage jobs.

Now they evaporated just like the Republicans' majority in Congress and their death grip on the White House. From "We have created half a million jobs for the proles according to the Glorious Five Year Plan, comrades!" to Poof, sorry 'bout that. Sorry I don't get no do-overs, that is.

Please, resist the temptation to whine, people. Phil Gramm is out there listening.

OK, you're permitted one whine or a whore-punched-in-the-gut groan after reading this: "On the other hand, the American people got to know that we will safeguard the system. I mean, we're in. And if we need to be in more, we will."

Whatever the fuck that means. The problem is that Bush did safeguard the system because he was "in", so to speak, "in" like a well-hung child molester in a thirteen year-old's snatch . Because the bottom line is the Bush administration's best month at creating jobs still falls short of Bill Clinton's worst month of job growth. (If you get off on reading employment statistics, check out these fairly-up-date numbers on the Bureau of Labor Statistcs' site re job growth under Bush).

But take heart: Bush is the first "president" to preside over greater job growth in the government sector than the private sector.

Bush is like a genial con man with a crocodile tear and a ready handkerchief. He broke into your house while hardly leaving any signs of forced entry, fucked your wife, all three of your daughters, forcing you to watch even during the pimpsticking part of the sado-sexual Olympics, ransacked your mattress of all your money and even took the small wad of ones and fives out of the fucking sugar bowl. In other words, he did exactly what he broke into your home to do.

But at least he has the common human decency to apologize and offer that there fine monogrammed linen handkerchief that, in all likelihood, has your initials on it.

So, Mr. President, would you have invaded Iraq if the CIA had been allowed by Dick "Twister" Cheney to present to you evidence that Saddam, in fact, did not have WMD? (Drum roll, please...)

"You know, that's an interesting question. That is a do-over that I can't do. It's hard for me to speculate... I think I was unprepared for war. In other words, I didn't campaign and say, 'Please vote for me, I'll be able to handle an attack.'"

(Rim shot. Cymbal crash. Warbling, dying trumpet artfully segueing into "Taps".)

"Well, let's see: Would I have also buttfucked your 19 year-old, toothless, three legged bulldog outside had I known your bulldog was 19 years-old, toothless and three-legged? Well, lemme think on that for a minute..."

Ladies and gentlemen, I have never in my life, certainly never in my four years of blogging, ever seen so much insanity and untruth packed with the density of a black star into five mere sentences.

So, Bush never used words or dramatic imagery during, say, the 2004 campaign that said in so many words, "Please vote for me, I'll be able to handle an attack"? Well, now, let's take a look at a certain lupine campaign ad from four years ago:

Not only did Bush say in that spot that he could handle a terrorist attack (that's where the wolves come in), but that Kerry and "liberals in Congress" would let the wolves come crashing through our doors on a red carpet.

Then there was the tasteful use of file footage from 9/11 early in the 2004 campaign.

So, Bush is half-right: He never used fear-mongering and the specter of terrorism in 2000 because at that time Bush wasn't even aware that terrorism existed, even after Richard Clarke tried warning the incoming administration and was dismissed as a hair-on-fire alarmist.

Before my brain explodes, let's end with this brilliant observation of the election of Barack Obama:
I think most people voted for Barack Obama because they decided they wanted him to be in their living room for the next four years explaining policy. In other words, they made a conscious choice to put him in as president.

Unlike the obviously unconscious choice to put him in the White House the last two times.

How comforting to know that while our latter-day Rome burns, Bush is spending the last 50 days of his squattage telling everyone all over the world what a great job he'd done and good luck to the next poor bastard who's just beginning to realize how much of our Republic is fully involved.


At December 2, 2008 at 12:04 AM, Blogger Bustednuckles said...

The bubble that fucking asshole lives in must be made out of Kevlar, nothing gets through.

At December 2, 2008 at 1:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

" He broke into your house while hardly leaving any signs of forced entry, fucked your wife, all three of your daughters, forcing you to watch even during the pimpsticking part of the sado-sexual Olympics, ransacked your mattress of all your money and even took the small wad of ones and fives out of the fucking sugar bowl. In other words, he did exactly what he broke into your home to do.

And,the fucker expects you to give him a big thank you afterward....What astounds me is there is still a sizable number of RepubliCON sycophants that ARE STILL WILLING to give the worst president ever a big hearty thank you.....Even to their detriment.

At December 2, 2008 at 2:03 AM, Blogger opit said...
Sheila Samples has been painting this one's character for years. Too bad realism was too 'over the top' to swallow.

At December 2, 2008 at 8:23 AM, Anonymous calgarylady said...

Outstanding and very well-written. Your excellent analogies perfectly describe that soul-less, brainless little creep.


At December 2, 2008 at 8:55 AM, Anonymous Nomen said...

You have described the Crawford Cretin's actions vividly and have come quite close in providing analogies to the depths of his depravity but I must note that, even though I think you are making the comment in your headline "tongue-in-cheek" ( "Don't Say He's a Sociopath" ) the beast does not deserve even this semblance of recognition of contriteness as we all know his every evil action was willingly and delightedly taken with rapacious glee! He would have presented himself more honestly if he had just smacked his lips and made sucking sounds like Hannibal Lecter contemplating a dish of brains and fava beans!

At December 2, 2008 at 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"He broke into your house while hardly leaving any signs of forced entry, fucked your wife, all three of your daughters, forcing you to watch even during the pimpsticking part of the sado-sexual Olympics, ransacked your mattress of all your money and even took the small wad of ones and fives out of the fucking sugar bowl."

And the most he could say is "I'm sorry IF I hurt you." Like maybe there's some question as to whether he actually DID. I have the expression "words cannot express," but that' show I feel about Bush.

At December 2, 2008 at 2:54 PM, Blogger Randal Graves said...

It's hard work pretzeldenting. And speechifying apparently. I think he's been watching some Palin YouTubes.

Oh, the government only grew 'cause the Democrats took control of Congress in 2006.

At December 5, 2008 at 3:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should be cross-posting at HuffPost. Your writing would be welcomed there, I should think.

At December 5, 2008 at 4:18 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

How's that gonna happen. I'm not a celebrity. The HuffPo is what I call a boutique blog. That's not where I belong.

Maybe if my novel becomes a bestseller and I become a "name", maybe then they'll approach me. Then I'll be on former ground when I tell AriHuff to go fuck herself.


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