Saturday, April 1, 2017

April Fool's is the Cruelest Day

     To show you what a topsy-turvy two and a half weeks it's been, allow me to summarize:
     On the 15th, I got a contract offer from a British publisher to bring out Tatterdemalion and four other Scott Carson books. He said he'd send me the first draft of the contract in two weeks and that passed three days ago. Since the 16th, I've been working feverishly on the sequel, The Murder Machine, not knowing how short of a deadline he'd give me to finish it.
     Then, two days after I walked around in just a tee short and very comfortably, Mother Nature essentially says, "Fuck you, it's not spring until I say it is" and dumps several inches of snow on us since last night (it's still snowing). That pretty much scuttles our plans to watch the Red Sox season opener against the Nationals at the Naval Academy. And maybe not spending that money's for the better because when our landlord showed up this morning to do the snow removal, he handed us something that I only wish was an April's Fool's prank:
     He's raising our rent by $100 a month and if we don't like it, the cocksucker's giving us just 30 days, the bare legal minimum, to get out. Obviously, we have nowhere else to go and will be forced to sign the new lease when he gets around to drafting it out.
     It goes without saying this will make things that much tougher for Mrs. JP and me for the remainder of the time we'll be living in this dump. God only knows why our landlord thinks our place is worth $750 a month- The sole entrance to our unit is so narrow we can't fit a couch through the stairwell (Yes, we haven't had a couch in over eight years). There's no cabinetry or counter space in the kitchen and we have a jury-rigged shower involving a garden hose installed in our 100+ year-old claw foot caste iron tub. But it is what it is.
     Obviously, we're going to need a bit of help, to the tune of $100 more a month just to cover the rent increase. To add to our growing list of troubles, I will not be able to drive my car legally as of today because the corrosion of the undercarriage will prevent my getting an inspection sticker which expired yesterday, so we'll need to get another second hand car.
     The timing may look suspicious as this is the time of year when people get their tax refunds but that wasn't my intent, regardless of how bad the optics look. It just so happens that this shit is hitting us literally all at once and on April Fool's day at that.
     So any help will be even more appreciated than usual until (hopefully), the money starts coming from my book royalties in about a year and we can finally stand on our own two feet. In the meantime, please make use of the Paypal button on the top right of the bottom of any post.


At April 2, 2017 at 7:44 PM, Anonymous Comrade Rutherford said...

I filed my taxes late this year. In fact I think they are only actually being submitted today...

You know I'll help you when I can.

At April 2, 2017 at 8:02 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

TIA, Comrade.


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