What Republicans Will Be Grateful For This Thanksgiving

10) Grover Norquist: That we can pin the blame for the financial meltdown on the donkey.

9) John McCain: For winning the presidential election. But where the hell's my transition team?

8) G. Gordon Liddy: That God gave me strong enough teeth to use them to rip this fucking bird's head off.

7) Sarah Palin: That Dave Letterman, SNL and the rest of the liberal media didn't make any jokes about how much it cost the GOP to dress this turkey.

6) Dick Cheney: To Dave Addington for waterboarding this bird and John Yoo for subduing it just before I shot it. Go fuck yourself, by the way.

5) Rudy Giuliani: This noble bird died on 9/11 so we could eat it tonight. And I was there when he died.

4) Phyllis Schlafly: I'd really appreciate it if the women also did the dishes and got the hell out of the way and did needlepoint while the men had brandy and cigars in the den afterwards.

3) Ann Coulter: Ncdsofh fjiggjgkm fhtgj vma!

2) George W. Bush: Pumpkin pie and whipped cream?! Yippie!

1) The Chairmen and CEOs of Fannie Mae, Freddy Mac, Citigroup, Bear Stearns, AIG, Countrywide, Goldman Sachs, Washington Mutual, Halliburton, Kellogg, Brown and Root, Blackwater Worldwide, The Carlyle Group, the Parsons Group, Dutch Shell, Exxon Mobil, BP, Murray Energy, etc:

This useful idiot.

(I'm going out of town in a few minutes and will be gone until sometime tomorrow night. So let me take this time to say I love you all and to have a happy Thanksgiving and a safe commute whereever you're going. Seize ya laterrrrrr....)