Top Ten Ways Pope Francis is Deviating From Convention
10) Read his first Mass in Ebonics.
9) Will spend Easter washing and waxing the Popemobile in the middle of Saint Peter's Square with Biden while both are stripped to the waist.
8) Spent five hours as the towel boy at the Vatican-owned gay bathhouse.
7) During his inaugural address, walked out dressed in bathrobe and Yankees ballcap and called Benedict "one evil-looking motherfucker."
6) Papal coat of arms designed by Ralph Steadman and R. Crumb.
5) Arm wrestled an altar boy for privilege of filling the chalice before Eucharist.
4) At same Eucharist, flung wafers from 10 feet away into the mouths of parishioners while exclaiming, "Body of Christ comin' atcha! Olá!"
3) Went halfsies with Obama for squares for March Madness
2) Plans on holding a yard sale of ancient liturgical documents, ermine robes and saint's relics.
1) While still insisting gays marrying was an abomination, nonetheless stopped short of calling for their immediate immolation.